I miss my mommy

[Shnookie]

Hi it’s Shnookie. My beloved mom was my best friend. I was her sole caregiver when she was diagnosed with the hellacious stage 4 metastatic Pancreatic Cancer In 9/2014

until her death in 1/2016 from the disease.

We lived together in a 1 bedroom apt. And

sometimes it was challenging but I had taken care of my mother b4 including

mental health hospitalization - mental health history on mom’s side of family.

After my mom’s death, I became a volunteer

afilliate at Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (Pan Can) Tonigh at 6PM PST,

we R having a virtual event called Purple

Light to honor the life of people who

have passed away from the disease.

I posted a picture of me and mom to be shown at the ceremony. It’s bittersweet

got me. Thanks 🙏 for letting me

vent. Hugs M

[Hidden]

Bitter, sweet memories are a gift to move us on in a more positive way. Life is so very full of these times and I sometimes feel talking out and remembering those who we have lost can make us sad although if we have positive memories as well these memories sweeten our thoughts and help us move on.

BOB

[Shnookie in reply to Hidden]

U put a smile 😊 on my face. I agree with

U about moving on and my mother. Gave me a gift and blessing by saying to me to

paraphrase go on and enjoy my life. My mother was so cute. At one time, she needed wound care and she told me that

even though LVNs had taken care of this,

I did the best wound care for her.

Thank U 4 the fond memories that were evoked by your text.

[Hidden]

I miss my mommy too! She died about 30 years ago. Of course my missing her isn’t as intense as it once was but still, I’m sure I think of her every day! Your mom must have been so proud of you!

[Starrlight]

You are amazing

[Shnookie in reply to Starrlight]

No if memory serves me correctly U have shouldered quite the load. That’s the problem with the stigma we face with

labels and I blame the media as well ,

like he committed the crime because

he was BIPOLAR. In our community we have all different kind of strengths despite the demons we might face. And that strength the ganas - fire in our body will

help us get thru challenging situation.

I give credit to celebrities like

Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande who talk

about their struggles with their

mental challenges. U R very sweet and thank U for your kind words.

[Hidden]

Shnookie..just want to say that ur mom was very lucky to have such a caring daughter.Alot of mothers n daughters dont have that.Sending a huge hug yr way..n hope it helps alittle my friend.

[Shnookie in reply to Hidden]

Thank U so much. For me it was mind over matter and the deep symbiotic connection that I had with my mom not to sugar coat it we definitely had our moments and my

mother God bless her said some very

insensitive things to me at times There was a chance at the beginning when it

was possible for her to have complicated

Surgery called the Whipple procedure

to prolong her life if she had only stage 2

cancer. I discussed this with her and

she had the nerve to say WHY SHOULD

I GO THRU THIS, I DON’T HAVE ANY

GRANDCHILDREN 🤢🙄😱!!!

I was beyond PISSED 😠 off!! I said to

her WHAT about me ? !!

She had no words 😶. The point is that

I wouldn’t have done things differently

and I loved my mom to pieces but I did

not deserve this nasty 🤢 remark.

Deep love ❤️ is a very complicated

issue

[Hidden in reply to Shnookie]

Wow..sounds like alot to deal with.Also..some people aren't wired to say nice things n its the best they can do unfortunately 😞 At least u know u did all the right things.

[Starrlight in reply to Shnookie]

❤️

[Shnookie]

Thank U guys for the support. I just finished a very enlightening conversation with a counselor from the NAMI mental health hot line about this topic. She gave me a different perspective. She was not defending what my mother said to me, but rather commented that my mom in 2014 was 77 when she made this comment to me and because she was already diagnosed with the cancer was in the throes of contemplating how much longer she would survive this disease and was in a very pained and angry state. It is easier for me to view the situation in this manner because of the hellacious situation of this disease. And also I need to let go of this anger because I can literally feel the heaviness of it in between my rib cage.

I know my mother would not want this for me and I need to let it go because I want to live an easier life if possible among the insanity we are living thru with the pandemic and our political and emotional and physical and financial hardship so many people R living thru right now. Thank U guys for listening to me. I plan to look for jobs, get on some make up

and take in beautiful memories of me and my mom together when I go into the Zoom

Purple Light memorial event this evening at 6PM Los Angeles time. This group means a lot for me. Hugs and kisses Shnookie BTW NAMI has locations all over the U.S.

[texasbonnet]

U were wonderful to care for your mom as you did. What a loving, selfless, kind act. I know you miss your mom and I know it hurts not to be able to hug her or see her. She is so present in you because if she weren't you would not be the kind loving person you are today. You carry her every single day. Hold her tightly in your heart.

[Shnookie]

As always thank U 4 your pure heart ❤️ and good wishes

[Shnookie]

Thank U so much. just got an e-mail for a possible 3-6 month legal/customer care assignment. Obviously don't want to get overly excited because there R some criteria that I need to meet but would be great right now.

hugs M

[Shnookie]

Hi it’s Shnookie