I Can’t Take It Anymore

[laurenmontgom]

I have severe depression and anxiety and because I can’t take care of myself or be independent, I’ve lived at home with my mom for the past 3 years. We have a very contentious relationship, with lots of arguments and miscommunications, and she consistently makes me feel crazy and worthless, like I’m a burden. Because of my illness I’m already cruel to myself, and then I have her hurtful comments and attitude on top of it. It’s not intentional, and sometimes she apologizes, but the hurt is still there and it just happens so often that I can’t take it anymore. I want to leave but I can’t. Sometimes (like right now) I feel like I’d rather be homeless than live with all the pain she makes me feel (and I don’t mean to diminish how difficult it is to be homeless). I just have nowhere else to go. All my relatives live far away, I have no relationship with my dad, and my brother treats me like I don’t exist. I’ve slept in my car a handful of times, but I can’t stay there long. I don’t know what to do or where to go.

[thara9643]

Are you seeing a therapist?

[laurenmontgom in reply to thara9643]

Yeah. I actually just finished a phone session. It’s helpful, but I still feel like living with my mom is a hindrance to my mental health, but I have nowhere else to go.

[anneschmidt]

I with you, friend. Hang in there, though, cause there’s help amd healing for depression and anxiety. I know.

Plus My husband had been keeping a big secret for almost 24 years, and almost three weeks ago, I walked out. Am without a “home” but staying between my dad and brothers the last two weeks. Not easy, cause if I express just a little bit of distress, they want to tell me what to do, or worse, get angry at me for having distress. Now, I have secured, but not moved into yet, an apartment, and living by myself really scares me, as I’ve no job yet, and few friends. But a GOOD therapist can really help you. I’ve found the good Catholic ones are the best.

[trs179]

Hang in there. The world is a messed up place that puts us in some horrible situations. Things will change.

[zandi01]

I want to say hang in there but I know too well that feeling of being treated like you cannot think for yourself .......Its difficult but find a voice within you because I saw with my partner that he really doesn't know how to treat a depressed me at all ...he will say hurtful things and apologise later .....make your family understand the illness so that they know how to treat you

[laurenmontgom in reply to zandi01]

That’s the same advice my therapist just gave me! She told me that I need to find a way to be supportive of myself when and if other people aren’t being supportive. That I need to remind myself that I’m worthwhile even if other people make me feel like I’m not.

[bonkers65 in reply to laurenmontgom]

I wish I could find a way to be supportive of myself. Not having any luck though. Constantly beating myself up.

[laurenmontgom in reply to bonkers65]

Me too. The one things I’ve gotten really good at during my illness is being mean to and hard on myself.

[NoNo19]

Totally understand! My mom offered to have me stay with her and I had to vehemently say no because it was also making my mental health deteriorate. I don't know if there is a lesser of two evils, but if you could get some subsidised housing or in a place where you don't have to worry about the bills and can just veg out for a year or so (coming from experience 😊), I found that being alone by myself or with a caring roommate that might check in on me from time to time really worked for me. As long as you're not in danger of harming yourself or others, not washing your butt everyday or cooking is no biggie. 😉

[laurenmontgom in reply to NoNo19]

I wish I could do that. As much as I feel the need to be on my own, I know that I can’t take care of myself. I can barely force myself to brush my teeth, let alone pay my bills or take care of my responsibilities. And my anxiety is so bad that I can’t clean my surroundings or cook my own meals. I feel like I’m stuck here until I can gain some of my independence back.

[PassionateWoman in reply to NoNo19]

Your funnnny

[Hidden]

I know it's hard. I'm 50 and I'm back living with my parents and in some ways it's been absolute hell and I have nowhere else to go. I know how there are no answers sometimes. You just try to stay out of each other's way. I know what it feels like to have to suffer like that.

[laurenmontgom in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry you know what this is like. It’s so painful.

[laurenmontgom]

I’m so grateful for all the replies. As much as I hate that some of you are going through the same thing, it’s still comforting to know that I’m not alone. It’s hard to find a balance between having my mom in my life and protecting myself from the hurtful things she’s says. I don’t want to cut her out of my life (she’s basically my only human contact, all my friends live in different states), but sometimes I think I have to if it’s this detrimental to my health. I just wish there was a better support system in this country for people with mental illnesses, that I could have somewhere to go if my living situation is making my condition worse.

[HD1960]

Hi There,

im lonely depressed and very anxious. You have to see someone about it and or call the church near you and ask for help and they will help you get out of the house.

Never give up!

[Rosco49]

I wish I had some good advice, but all I can do is send my love and best wishes for better times to come. It is hard enough going through any kind of mental health difficulties, without these other factors as well. You sound like you are doing your best in a very difficult situation, (scant comfort I know). Your Mum's seeming lack of empathy may be born of frustration that she can't make it better. I live with my Mum also, though she does have some empathy, but she can get snappy at times, I guess she just doesn't know what to do to best support me and gets frustrated. I'm going through a medication change at the moment so been all over the place with anxiety etc. I don't know your medication status, but the right med and dosage can makea real positive difference, hopefully I start to feel that real soon and you have lighter and brighter days soon too.

[laurenmontgom in reply to Rosco49]

💛

[Ruthjs89]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a similar relationship with my mother. I left home at 16 because I tried to hurt myself. I also cant live by myself. I had an injury 2 yrs ago and my anxiety and depression became severe. Reach out to NAMI.ORG they may be able to help with temporary housing or even your church. I'm not sure if you received any kind of income. Look into Section 8 program for low income.

[laurenmontgom in reply to Ruthjs89]

Never heard of NAMI, I’ll definitely look into it.

[Hidden]

I can totally relate! I am a teenager, so I still live with my mom anyways. Stupidly enough, my mom still wakes me up in the morning because truthfully, alarms scare me. And every morning, she insults me somehow or tells me something I've done wrong. Like...why?! I don't need the negativity immediately to start off the day. I've found it best to just ignore it. You have to ignore the negativity like that because it can definitely ruin your mindset. I get that it may be hard, but ignoring things like that is how you can build a positive mindset.

[laurenmontgom in reply to Hidden]

Good advice. I tend to care way too much about how other people, especially family, think of me. Like you and your mom, my mom has to do certain things for me that I can’t do because of my OCD (like dusting), and I appreciate that she helps me out that way but she can also be really judgmental of me for the (seemingly silly) things that give me anxiety. Muting the negative is a hard skill to learn.

[Hidden in reply to laurenmontgom]

It is definitely a hard skill to learn. My mom has kicked me out of the house a couple times because it is a hard skill to learn. It takes time and effort, but it is totally doable. You have to focus on the positive things in your life and block the negative things. It is so worth it; you will find that you will be more positive overall. And don't feel like you are alone; I am here to help you.

[texasbonnet]

To this day, I still find myself saying horrible things to myself. Thu the years (77) I got really good at it. When I started into recovery, I began to notice things I said to myself. I would repeat to myself, "Why am I beating myself with hurtful words, STOP. Also when I would do a task, no matter how small, I would tell myself I had done a great job. Another thing one can do is make a list of all the reasons you are a good and worthy person. Keep the list handy so when you find yourself falling into an anxiety attack or a spell of depression, read the list to yourself. Doesn't matter if at first you don't believe them just keep on reading to yourself. Gradually you will come to believe them. Good luck and remember we are all routing for you. You can do it.