I really need support for depression and anxiety

[Checker555]

I'm in a really dark place with my depression. I think a lot about my unhappiness and disappointment in how my life has turned out and just life in general. Happiness has always felt so elusive and fleeting to me. Life has thrown me so many challenges and at times is so incredibly emotionally painful. I got divorced about 2 years ago. So that was a failure and rejection. Then I got laid off. More failure. More rejection. My kids don't ever seem to want to go along with the stuff that I try to get them excited about. All they want to do is play Minecraft. I get them BMX bikes, baseball gloves, fishing rods, build swing sets. None of it goes according to plan. They play with them for a week and then it's back to the iPads. I feel like such a failure as a father. I can't even get then to let me teach them things like how to throw and catch and hit a baseball. Fatherhood just is so different than what I thought it would be. It really depresses me. My career is incredibly high pressure. I'm good at what I do but never made it to the level of great that I wanted to. And it makes me feel like such a huge failure. My ex is horrible to me. She's so bitter and angry about the failure of our marriage. There was no cheating or anything like that. But I just fell out of love with her and so I started pushing her farther and farther away and finally she just kicked me out. So she blames me entirely. She's constantly telling me what a shitty father and person I am. I got the typical 1 day a week plus every other weekend custody that father's get that work 70 hours a week. So she's constantly telling me how pathetic I am for not having the children more. But then when I ask for more time she uses them as a bargaining chip to get something out of me. And all I want is for these little boys to have a good childhood. I couldn't even get that right. Everything is just so messed up in my life. I'm really struggling to hang on to any hope. It's not that I don't think things will get better. It's more like I feel, even when they do get better, life will still be incredibly hard and such a struggle. I've never succeeded much with therapy. I've tried it so many times and it's never helped me and I hate it. Maybe if I could find a support group or something. Maybe that would help me hang in there.

[Hidden]

Hey Checker555 welcome.Life is def different nowadays with kids,not how it used to be where kids would want to hang out with there friends on the block or toss a football.Nowadays to get through to ur kid ya need to try to pry the phone or ipad out of there hand to get there attention.

As far as being a good father..sounds like u r. Let ur ex wifes opinions be her opinions only.Some people who arent happy with there lives like to down another whos better than them.

As for u..maybe take time for u,n do something nice for u. We all need that to survive in this crazy world.😁

[Hidden]

Hi 👋 and welcome on here. I hope we ne of support to you. I'm so sorry it's hard right now, but I'mglad to hear that you have hope! That's great!

A few things come to mind:

-Regarding the kids not wanting to do things: I wouldn't take it personally. We live in he age of technology. I know that my nieces and nephews get a daily limit for recreational screen stuff.

-Regarding your ex: I'm sorry she's not nice to you because you don't deserve that. No one does. Plus, there are two sides to every story. I'm sure she also played a part in your marriage falling apart. It's unfortunate that she is placing sole blame on you because that is just not the truth.

-As far as her blaming you for not spending more time with the kids: it sounds like you can't help this. It's the custody arrangement, right? If she wants to be mad about something, tell her to be mad at that.

-Not being where you want to in your career: there is nothing wrong with that. You are good at what you do, so I would focus on that and not on the "but I could be so much better"

I hope I've helped somewhat.🙂

[Marysblue]

Hi, it sounds like you're doing a lot. I know with my depression it makes me focus on all the negative things .

[Sprinkle1]

Please do Not think of yourself as a failure. Life is difficult and we do not have all the answers.

As far as your children go, it is as someone said an age of technology, and time limits need to be set on the use of these gadgets. When I was young we had the luxury of playing in the street, and riding our bikes for miles. Not safe for that anymore. The world is crumbling around us, and it is not Your fault or Mine.

As for your ex-wife, do not listen to her, those are her problems and let her keep them. Do Not accept blame or put it on yourself, it is poisonous.

Do not feel bad about your job, you are good at it and know it, give yourself some praise, people around you will notice, and life is often very unfair. I do not think it is good for you to work 70 hrs a week, that will drain you and contribute to your depression.

Sorry therapy has not helped you, I myself swear by it, it helped me turn my life around, I have a therapist now, she helps me So much. I suffer from clinical depression & severe anxiety, have been in the hospital 3 times in the last 3 years. Finally on an antidepressant that is keeping me stable, and she helps keep me sane. I have no friends near me, the one I had died last year, my family is in UK. I am 78 all by myself, have two beautiful cats, who are good loving company.

Please do not try to buy your children with gifts, it is a waste of money. Try playing a game with them on TV with their gadgets, when it is over, say now lets go for a walk, pointing out to them birds, trees, flowers, it is good exercise for you all and helps educate your children. Will help to bond you all.

I would recommend a great book I read years ago, it was in the top 10 best seller list for 7 years, by Dr. Scott Peck, "The Road Less Traveled", first line, first page he says "Life is difficult". I learnt a lot reading that book, Amazon has it used/new, it is a worthwhile investment.

I wish you well, if I can be of further help, send me an email, I send you love, peace, strength and big hugs........

[Operalady in reply to Sprinkle1]

Hi that was a beautiful response to Chechen 555

[Hidden in reply to Sprinkle1]

Yeah ..nice reply

[Hidden]

Checker, I think you are asking a lot in life. Nothing is perfect. The kid think is due to the technology world around us. It's not all about you, as you think. The divorce thing. This is the way it is when you get divorced, no matter who is right or wrong. People that divorce don't usually have great things to say about one another. Your not the only one in the world that got divorced. As for your job, be grateful that you do a great job and you have a job in this crazy work we live in. It should give you self esteem instead of always looking for pats on the back or feeling you should get a promotion or more money. Maybe you do deserve more, but life isn't fair. The majority of people think they deserve more. Be grateful for what you have. Go out more, so you can realize it's not able your little world. At least you have a good job that you can depend on, have children that care about you, and have the freedom to get out there and look for another person to share your life with.

[Operalady in reply to Hidden]

Great advice!

[Hidden in reply to Operalady]

Operalady, thank you for your good reply. I just find that some people think nobody else has problems. And sometimes people make their problems worse than what they are.