Living with ghosts

[Womannchains]

Does anyone else feel that anxiety and depression make relationships feel impossible, and that it's hard not to constantly live in "the past"? I mean, feeling alone or wishing you were still with someone who either left or died, left because I was too much to deal with, or died, because he felt suicide was the answer. I live with these haunting ghosts of the one man I loved, and who is dead.

[lovetodance2018]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I am so sorry you are having those feelings and thoughts. I am also sorry you have lost someone to suicide. That is such a horrible experience in life. Unfortunately, I know the darkness and pain that can make you want to take your life, but it not the answer. We are precious children of God and life is a gift. When we are under that cloud of darkness due to depression (a chemical imbalance) we can't see any joy or why were are here in life if we feel so lost and sad. Do you have a counselor or therapist to talk to? Have you ever been on anti-depressants? Not being able to let go of the past or heal from the past only feeds our depression. Seeking professional help is the first step to feeling better and being able to build relationships. Here is a good site (bit.ly/3098TgD) for resources to get the help you need to get relief from your sadness. I had many things I had to let go of the past and through counseling and changing my focus, I have learned how to heal from the past hurts and move forward. I also pray often and have learned to let go of things and give them to God. I will be praying for you and that you are able to seek help to feeling better. If you ever want to chat, feel free to pm me. Know you are not alone. We are here for you. Hugs and God Bless.

[Womannchains in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you for your message and kindness. Yes, I have been on antidepressants for over 25 years. Every single one known to man I think.lol. I also have taken the meds for bipolar, but for migraine suppression, and every one of them made me really sick. My body gets used to each medication and by 6 months I have to switch to something else. A constant vicious cycle without end. I also have such horrible insomnia and I am exhausted, but cannot sleep. I will be awake for 48 to 76 hours until I eventually just pass out.

It's coming up the 4 yr anniversary of his suicide. I still am so angry, broken hearted, and can't seem to move on.

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Womannchains]

I can't imagine how hard it is to not find a medication that can help you sleep. Have you tried teas and things to calm you before sleeping. There are many things that I have tried to help me. I do what is called a power hour. I actually prep myself for sleep. I take a bath, drink a calming tea, listen to calming sermons or music, close my eyes and just try to relax. No phone, no TV, just try to shut my brain off and focus on the calming music or sermons. There is also an app called CBT-icoach (apple.co/33fdaB2). It has some great relaxing options.

I know it will be hard when his anniversary comes up. We lost a friend to suicide. He was a great Godly man so it really took us by surprise. We think about him often, but know he just didn't get the right help.

I will continue to be praying for you. Reach out anytime. I would be happy to chat. Hugs and God Bless

[Womannchains in reply to lovetodance2018]

thank you so!! I really appreciate your encouragement. I have tried about everything in this whole world to sleep, lol. I also believe insomnia runs in families, it's also on my mom's side, and my 13 yr old also has insomnia.

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Womannchains]

I will continue to pray for you. I had insomnia for a while due to my depression, anxiety, and the medication I was taking. Hugs to you and I believe you will find the answer for your insomnia. Prayers really help. Hugs

[Radstyke]

i relate strongly to it!!