Toxic Relationship & Covid

[summerdaysmiles]

Sorry in advance for this being really long

Last year, while on a particularly long high, I quit my job and decided to chase my dreams. I had also just gotten into a new temporarily long distance relationship with a guy that I wouldn’t initially go for but seemed nice and enthusiastic. Only two months had passed and already things were going south. We talked less and less, he constantly called me selfish for wanting to meet his friends and to talk more and he ignored me when I mentioned that I struggle with anxiety. He repeatedly tried to gaslight me and when I stood firm, would apologize but weeks to months later repeat the same behavior

At this point, I was afraid to let go because I had already let go of so many other things. Time went on and eventually things started getting better. B/c of this, I invested more and more into the relationship.

A few months ago, I found out that this guy was in a relationship with someone else and I think also dating around. I honestly wasn’t surprised and by that point had fully accepted that I didn’t really like him anyway. Only the escape he provided from my new tumultuous life. But I feel embarrassed and ashamed and disappointed in myself for allowing it to go on for so long. Quarantine and the shambles of the political/social climate have already been too much. I’ve been in the room ruminating and getting more and more angry with myself.

I guess my question is, how do I forgive myself for allowing this toxic relationship?

[Tellmeaboutit]

nothing to forgive. you’re the victim, he’s a butt-head. learn from it, pick up the pieces and move on, but dont blame yourself.

[Epsom1]

You have done nothing wrong, it sounds like you tried your best with things. Some people unfortunately are selfish and I hope you have found peace and feel happier.