Making decisions when you are depressed?

[Seaglass13]

I suffer from depression and have been on anti depression medication for at least 20 yrs. It certainly helps day to day and ups and downs. Side issue is a grown son 53 yrs old who is an addict and is verbally abusive and manipulates constantly. Today I finally cut off all communication and plan to not be a support person for him any longer. He makes me feel so worthless and horrible I can not deal with this any longer and keep me sane. Feel angry, guilty, sad and like crying all the time. I need strength to make this decision and get back my self esteem. Words of wisdom and support are welcome. My friends and family are so sick of hearing this so I feel isolated and alone.

[ginarose]

You’re the opposite of how he’s making you feel. You stood by him & helped him when it was (I’m sure) extremely painful for you to do so. We always want addicts to change, but they have to want to themselves (I’m sure you know this). If you need to cut ties for your well-being, don’t beat yourself up about it & don’t allow him to either. He’s lucky to have you. I hope someday he gets help, sticks with it, & realizes what a loving mother he has. ❤️

[Seaglass13 in reply to ginarose]

Thank you for your reply. I feel like a failure as a mother for sure. I am working on closing him out of my heart and mind. But I feel like that is an escape not a permanent improvement. He has always hated me he says. I have tried to gain his love and trust but to no avail. His moods are so unpredictable, what I do one time the next time it is unacceptable. I am so torn inside, and feel less than when it comes to me. I need to love who I am so I can feel peace within. I do pray and get strength but the hugs and interaction of a support person are missing. I do sleep and avoid life. I am an enabler and a giver to rescue and know that is a danger for me. I want to step out of this life I HAVE CREATED and be with happy feelings. Trying to climb out of this sadness.

[ginarose]

All of what you are feeling is absolutely valid. Do you have a therapist or someone who could help you professionally? That’s what behavioral health specialists are for. To help with these things, to be there to help with resources & guidance during crisis. I work alongside them at the clinic I work at & they are so caring. I also see my own therapist & psychiatrist outside of work for my own depression, anxiety, & PTSD. I’m currently struggling a lot & I’m working hard to help myself so I can fully be there for the people who need me. I’m sending you all the best. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My kids are 24 & 17. It’s tough when they’re older, they don’t really want to listen even if there are no addictions involved. And they can be hurtful at times without even trying. Hugs to you.

[HisChild4ever]

I am very sorry about what your are going through! I believe you have done the right thing with your son and it can be very painful to deal with him not liking you. He is a grown man who needs to be responsible. Do you already have a counselor or a therapist? I suffer from depression too and have had therapists for more than 20 years. They are very helpful. They provide support. I am sorry you feel isolated and alone! I feel that way sometimes too. There are support groups available. A therapist or the doctor who prescribes you medications could possibly help you find a support group. Maybe you can become involved at a church. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere so that you form new friendships. I hope that you feel better and have prayed that you experience strength and comfort.