Craving of love...

[Nightgazer]

Hi..

Love is beautiful emotion one can feel in there life. When I was kid, I always felt unloved . I was just craving for love .I still carve to be loved a lot . I am youngest in my family .I have two elder sisters who loves me alot. My parent also loves me. But still I felt unloved . Maybe coz they made me feel i am not different but still try to protect me..coz they love me..I was operated with my right eye when i was 2 and Dr. Have to removed it to save my life... But i was just 2 year old girl. A small kid who doesn't know what happened. Everyone loves me around dearly . They try to treat me like every normal healthy kid around me. But I was not allowed to do lots of things like my sisters coz they knew may be I can get hurt coz they loves me but that eventually made that little girl think that nobody loves her. Sadness turned into anger .I was tomboy ..I lived my childhood fullest..but the feeling of unloved never gone..As I grew I got to know my parents have issues .. I started hating marriage . And Turning adult also didn't help ..before I was kid but now I am girl, steeped out in the real world where definition of being beautiful is pretty face. I never showed my fear on my face to the people those time . Coz they see a girl with one eye.. and while travelling in bus sometime little kid ask there parents why don't she have one eye? I used to feel embarrassed..very embarrassed.. from that time listening to music makes me escape everything around me.

I never knew how to express myself coz I have to make myself so cool that I can fit around people. I was not close to my family ..I still struggle but I don't hate them because I know they where trying to protect me,but still I can't share ..I am younger one so you know I am childish so keep messing around with them😂.

I never understood whatever happening with me before, during my childhood. But I know now ..Life is still struggle actually a total mess. But one thing I did my whole life is to never give up..so still fighting everyday or atleast not trying to give up ..

I still feel conscious to meet new people. It's hard for me but still I try coz I know I have good heart . I go in public with smiling face coz I don't want to be hide . Sometimes when I get anxiety I listen music it helps me alot.

I am not expressive when I talk ...I learn how to express but I need that comfort and assurance.. but writing was always easier to express but I used to burn it whatever I used to write before ..now I can express here without being judge .

I am overthinker ..writing always helps. Things are messy in life. There is lot to say but my silence doesn't like words most of the time..I always felt only handful of people understand me or sometime feel they don't. I know it's all in my head but its there,it has always been there.

Thank you for reading..

[roachkid]

i think you will find the fullest satisfaction when you learn to love yourself. instead of feeling ashamed of your eye i would capitalize on it! make it a talking point! its really cool and unique to you. tell little kids with questions that youre actually an awesome pirate:)! it just goes to show how special you are

[Nightgazer in reply to roachkid]

I am not ashamed of it anymore and I do love myself..I love my smile 😁 But yeah I get conscious sometimes..but yeah I am trying...thank you so much ❤❤

[Freedom57]

Hi Nightgazer

So glad you vented on this forum about your struggles

I can relate to a lot of what you shared

You seem to have some shame about your missing eye

I was teased for hair on my arms & also felt unloved by my parents

I want to encourage you to learn how to give yourself the love you’ve been seeking throughout your life

I have been learning a lot by listening to a Pastor on you tube

RC Blake’s Jr

He has videos about this topic

❤️🌻❤️🌻❤️🌻❤️🌻❤️🌻

[Nightgazer in reply to Freedom57]

Thank you so much...I will check there video ❤❤

[Freedom57 in reply to Nightgazer]

He has a lot of videos, good luck with your healing journey