Quarantine Mental Health Struggles

[MountainLover22]

I am a newbie here and totally nervous/uncertain about posting on this site, since I have never used an online support group before. I'm a 30 year old newly married woman who is struggling with both her depression and anxiety during the wild ride of 2020. Frankly, I am a bit at my wits end of how to control my thoughts during this whole crazy time, even with bi-weekly tele-therapy sessions, quarterly pyschiatrist tele-visits and medication. And honestly, compared to many, many, many others, 2020 has thus far truly treated me better than most. I was still able to go on my honeymoon in January, we bought a wonderful new house and we recently got a puppy. But even with all these positives, I cannot shake this feeling of sadness and isolation. I feel lonely in our new house, despite it being something I wanted. I feel trapped not traveling, even though I took a great honeymoon trip earlier this year and some people never get to travel, even pre-COVID . I feel isolated and exhausted with a new puppy, despite a dog being something I always wanted. I feel alone in nearly everything I do, even though I have a husband who cares and friends I can see, call or text with. I have dealt with anxiety and extreme depression before, but it was always felt linked to something (stress at work, in friendship, in relationships). Yet now, I seem to have everything I want or need and I am STILL lonely, sad and...empty. I don't know how to describe it...but it's this feeling of emptiness and loneliness that's only exacerbated by the isolation and loneliness of COVID and quarantine. I have tried to find ways to distract myself...coloring, home projects (though all the ones I truly want to do aren't exactly budget friendly) the ocassional drink/dinner safely with friends, but I come home and I almost dread...life? I guess that's the only way to put it......Is there anyone else out there that has dealt with this? That has dealt with having everything you need, but feeling like emotionally, you have nothing? You just feel so alone, despite being with other people.

[Hidden]

I am new here too. I was very stressed about getting back online and still stressed I guess. There are an insane amount of people who have and do feel the way you are feeling. There is an inner peace, inner love that we all need no matter if we have nothing or everything. Life is hell for some and heaven for others. then there are those caught in a middle place where its a mix of both. Its brave to reach out. Brave to want to find a way through the struggles we face. Its brave to fight for healthy no matter what kind of healthy you're fighting for.

[MountainLover22 in reply to Hidden]

What you said truly touched me...that we all need inner peace and inner love no matter what we have. I feel such guilt about it sometimes...complaining about how I feel sad and alone, when in comparison, I have it so much better than others.

[Hidden in reply to MountainLover22]

Thank you.

You're feelings and personal experience matter. It can be helpful to look at the bigger picture, take note of what we can be grateful for, what we are thankful for and reflect. But never go as far as silencing your personal struggles for they are real and should never be dismissed or diminished. Even if others have experienced or have it worse, your struggles are valid. Your pain is valid. Your experience matters. Your healing matters.

[MountainLover22]

Hi there! Thanks for the very meaningful reply...it truly means a lot to me. I thought having a puppy would totally help with my anxiety and loneliness, but I guess I just didn't realize how much TRUE work a puppy would be. She's a 4 month boxer mix, really as cute as can be, but I worry sometimes I am not entertaining her enough, you know? Do you feel like you spend a lot of time entertaining or worrying about keeping your pups happy? Or that having a puppy doesn't allow you to do so many of the other hobbies you enjoy? I feel awful for even just thinking that, because I love my puppy, but sometimes I feel like the added stress of getting her has hurt more than helped....

[MountainLover22]

I feel this so much! I feel as if this is my baby and I have to make sure she is happy 100% of the time.

[Hidden]

You keep reaching out for things to take your mind off of depression...

Goals...trips....material things maybe...

You wonder why none of it makes any substantial lasting effect on keeping you pleased?

You are not alone friend!

Message me if you’d Like..I have a great job 2 kids beautiful home beautiful wife and 4 dogs and get along with most people and still feel alone in a room full of people.

[MountainLover22 in reply to Hidden]

How do you do it? How do you not focus on the temporary fixes, the material things? How do you stop feeling so "alone" and isolated amongst people? I am not one who is much for meditation and I have started a gratitude journal, but so far, still feeling the same.

[Hidden in reply to MountainLover22]

I’m on meds but their efficacy is pretty non existent.

So I smoke weed but use it like a tool. It’s the only thing that’s ever made me feel relaxed in my head.

I smoke and go to work.

I smoke and go to gym.

I smoke and play with my kids.

. For me my depression has kind of lulled there for many years sometimes light and sometimes ragingly difficult.

Whatever gets me through the day.

Y’all help me too!

[MountainLover22 in reply to Hidden]

Do you feel as if the weed is the only thing helping you through the day, or do you see more as a medicinal addition to your life?

[Hidden in reply to MountainLover22]

Necessary but an addition.❤️

[PT81]

Dealing with anxiety and depression mess with our thinking and emotions and we start questioning and doubting ourselves. It eats away at our confidence and self esteem. It’s a horrible thing.

Be kind to yourself. 2020 has been a very difficult year and extremely stressful. And it seems you got married, moved, bought a house and a puppy (congrats by the way😃). All life changes that can create difficulties as your life adjusts. Hang in there.

[MountainLover22 in reply to PT81]

Thank you for your positive response. It definitely perked me up this morning.