I WANT TO STOP MY THOUGHTS.

[Wattsmind]

I stress about the smallest things in my life. I over analyze every situation, and I think about so many possible outcomes. Sometimes it becomes so overbearing that I can’t function normally, and I don’t know what to do about it. Just so many thoughts all the time, and I want them to all stop. I don’t understand why my mind works like this, and I’m so exhausted that I’m finding it more and more difficult to hold on. I know that the perception of the mind controls our version of reality, but I’ve reached a point where it feels like this is beyond me.

I started to struggle with an eating disorder. It was something that, at first, I didn’t see as one but then I began to feel an overwhelming amount of anxiety when food was served in front of me. Purging when I felt “too full” and “intermittent fasting” when I would eat a normal amount the day before. Binge eating when I wasn’t feeling good about myself as a form of punishment. It was never this severe in the past, and the only person I told about it is no longer in my life.

Recently, I’ve had a lot of repressed memories of abuse and molestation surface into my mind again. Something that I thought I had worked through in therapy long ago, but my actions and current state of being reflect the opposite. It just feels like everything is happening once again in this never ending cycle. I feel helpless when I find myself in a sexual encounter with someone I’m seeing, and even when I feel as if things are progressing too quickly I give in and do some things I really don’t want to do. The next day I’ll end up hating myself for it, but it’s like I haven’t found the will to stop it. Is it out of fear?

I smoked some weed one day with a guy I was dating for some time... I’m not a fan of weed since I’m already the type of person to overthink everything. Things started to get a little out of my comfort zone, and I stopped and broke down in tears. I had some sort of flashback that I can’t begin to explain or understand. This person was so confused and I tried my best to explain how I was feeling, but he just sat there. I felt insane, and I feel so bad I put him through that. The way I reacted was so unlike my usual self, I guess, but maybe the weed just brought out my true feelings and self? I’m not sure. I realized that there’s a lot of things that I may need to work through once again, but I’m unsure how to go about it. I’m not longer planning to date anyone, since I’ve seen what confusion and fear I caused someone else. But what now?

So many things on my mind, and these are only some of them. I think I need help.

[Hidden]

Hi I am so sorry for your troubles I think you should have some more councelling to help you work through what happened to you you need also to stop your mind from thinking so much swimming used to help me it relaxed me and tired me out and released the happy hormone seretonin hypnosis meditation c d helps deep breathing a teqhnique I like is deep breath to the count of 4 hold for count of 7 then big puff breath out let all your anxiety go keep.doing this is there a sport you can do I hope you find some peace x

[Wattsmind in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I appreciate your reply. Counseling is definitely something I want to do.