The need to bleed

I feel so horrible at the moment and at the same time I don't know what I feel what it is.

There's just a horrible feeling thing inside me I hate it I want to rip it out to shut it up but its always there.

This is why I self harm I feel like I need it if I focus on that and not the bad stuff then it distracts me. I'm really trying to stop but the urge is so strong. I need to see the cleansing blood.

[Ladybug9]

I feel so bad that you feel that need. It's like someone getting drunk to forget only to wake up the next morning still having to deal with whatever got them there in the first place and actually feeling worse. For me, I am an open book and very transparent so I just poor it out for all to see and hear. Are you comfortable enough to do that? Or are you not sure what is going on? Working through the "bad" things can make life much better, that much quicker. For most of us, it will never be "perfect" but it can certainly be a lot better and easier to deal with.

[pandaeyes1]

Self harm definitely becomes addictive. It’s a very visceral stress release response. You are forcibly making your body to release endorphins. For me, it’s partly a control thing where being able to control when and how much i hurt myself is helpful in the face of my crazy, contradicting storm inside my head. Part of me also just thinks it’s pretty. And another part of me doesn’t think what I’m feeling is real unless I’m physically hurting. It’s hard and not easy to overcome. There will be relapses and tough patches. I’m still struggling myself with it as well. Sometimes I rub ice on my arms, and that helps a little.