Back to same things....

[puppy242]

I had an episode in front of my mom. I was hitting my legs. At some point in our conversation , after I called down, Basically she's afraid to get sick or go to hospital because im so unstable. She mentioned my brother's instability but I am much worse off than he is. I'm tired of being in everyone's way and I wish I could move out and drive so I would make my family proud . But everything's messed up. I can't even cry im so angry and upset with myself. I can't stop hitting myself when I get angry. Im such a burden

[kv3011]

Hi! You are never a burden! Our negative self talk is NEVER correct. My therapist told me when I have negative self talk, write down that I think. Then come up with two or three reasons why that is not true.

My personal example is: I’ll never be good enough for anything or anyone. So then I wrote or say 1. Not true, I got accepted into a grad program so I must be okay for that and 2. I have a job so I was good enough to be hired.

There are so many techniques out there that we can use other than self harm. I don’t relate with the hitting but some things that have worked personally for me is rubbing ice cubes on my forearms or putting tape on my arms and then ripping it off. People say eating sour things helps distract your mind and gets it away from the self hard thoughts.

I can be a friend if you need one.

[puppy242 in reply to kv3011]

That kind of therapy was hard for me and frustrating in terms of turning everything into a positive because when I encounter a negative thought that is actually true, I don't know how to counter it. I need to work on having much fewer negatives, that's true. I'll ask my new therapist what he thinks too.

Thank you for the suggestions, I appreciate your point of view and kindness

[pam4him]

Hey there! Glad you jumped on here for some support and encouragement. Life may have handed you some tough things to deal with, but please don't consider yourself a burden. It sounds like you have a great mom who wants to be there for you. Don't feel like you have to move out or drive to have a productive life. Use your healthy coping skills when you start to feel overwhelmed with emotion. Hang in there, you got this! Prayers for peace, calm and wisdom.

[puppy242 in reply to pam4him]

It's really hard to see it that way when im 27 and live at home. Im not doing anything with my life. I can't not drive forever it's limiting my options and making me feel stuck because there are things I want to do which requires me to drive . Im not having an easy time accepting the things that are bothering me about myself .Thank you for the well wishes

[Hidden]

I get angry as well...

So I work out hard.

Tonight, it was to Slayer.

So....maybe some working out is in order...if possible.

[puppy242 in reply to Hidden]

I try to exercise about every other day. Im not physically strong so I get frustrated with that but it can be helpful

[Hidden in reply to puppy242]

Right!

What other self care do you do?

[puppy242 in reply to Hidden]

I do my hair at home, my own manicures & pedicures, skincare, and sometimes makeup, try to dress nice with what I can afford

[Hidden in reply to puppy242]

Those things are great!

I stopped doing my hair.

I have awesome covid dreads now! Lol

I'm hanging in there....

[puppy242]

I don't know what to do because every interaction with them im getting so mad. There's no way to separate myself if we're in the car together or out at a store it's like no relief . Going to my room doesn't help anymore because I'm always in my room and there's no where for me to go with limited money and I can't move out.

I feel like I'm stuck and it makes me scared I'm not finding options that work for me