Really feeling terrible 😞

[weegmack]

Hello friends. The last four weeks have been really intense. My husband and I have been arguing a lot, though working through that. I haven’t been sleeping well and having a lot of nightmares. We’re hoping to move from our current house and start afresh somewhere else, but this is proving difficult (not because of Covid, but because of finding an area we can afford). My eldest daughter’s boyfriend has come to live with us for the next couple of months, before they go back to their student flat in September. My GAD is through the roof just now and I have also become terribly depressed. Like many of us, I’m struggling to make it through the day.

But here’s my question - I’m suddenly feeling flat out exhausted (no Covid symptoms). Been like this since Friday. My IBS is playing up and I feel constantly overwhelmed. I’m used to the IBS, GAD and feeling so overwhelmed, but not to fatigue. I’m pretty much off my food and too tired to eat or do pretty much anything. Does anyone else experience this? Xx

[HekatHushla]

I do. I have no energy for anything anymore because of my GAD and Depression. I try to make very small goals that I can accomplish in a day. I make myself eat, even if it's just a piece of bread, because I know I'll feel worse later of i dont put something in my stomach.

The world feels very hopeless right now. I'm just trying to get through each day.

[weegmack in reply to HekatHushla]

It does feel very hopeless, doesn’t it? I’m just so exhausted - like you, just trying to make it through the day. I’ve been feeling suicidal since our lockdown began, which we’re still in. That’s 16 weeks now (Scotland). Even though our restrictions are being lifted, there will be no hugging friends or relatives - they can visit, but we’re to socially distance. They can come into our houses from July 10th, but must social distance. Masks compulsory from now on in all shops and public transport. Both my girls play in orchestras and they’re not allowed to perform for an indefinite amount of time. Choirs are not allowed to sing. We are not permitted to go to church, and when we are finally allowed, we are forbidden to sing. No concerts, no family gatherings, no nothing.

When my daughters head up to uni in September (first time for my youngest), they’ll be living very restricted, possibly isolating lives.

In all honesty, I just don’t want to live anymore. I’ve had a pretty traumatic life, been in therapy for years and I’ve just had enough of living. It doesn’t feel worth it.

[HekatHushla in reply to weegmack]

I get it. One of the things that I struggle with is finding a point in life. Why bother? I live in America and with that idiot running our country into the ground and the social uprising happening in the middle of a pandemic that is apparently just an opinion and not something we should take very seriously, I dont see why I should bother. What exactly is the point in trying?

I can tell you, though, as someone who lost their mother at 22, you have two people who need you. I would give anything to see my mother again, or hear her laugh, or have just one more hug from her. It's been 6 years and I still havent dealt with it. Your girls need you and they love you. Losing a parent is devastating.

[weegmack in reply to HekatHushla]

I’m so sorry about your mum. It’s so devastating and it’s totally understandable that you haven’t fully dealt with it yet. My dad died when I was 22 - two days before my wedding. I’m 45 now and it’s taken me a long time to process that.

You’re right about my girls. I honestly would never leave them - I suppose I get desperate and suicide ideation takes over.

I see what’s happening in America. It’s just terrible. You do indeed have an idiot running your country - a dangerous one at that. I can’t really get my head around how he can be allowed to stay in place as president, when he’s clearly insane 😡. In contrast, our First Minister in Scotland is very cautious and our lockdown has been longer than England’s. We’re also coming out of lockdown very slowly. I’m thankful for that - she’s doing her job really well, but I guess the outlook of gaining any “normality” is bleak. I try to weigh up in my head that she’s doing all this to protect the people of Scotland, with how I literally want to scream at everything we can’t do and things we’ve lost.

😑😑😑

Whereabouts in the USA do you live? Xx

[Sweepy13]

Whenever I get a flare up I get totally exhausted and that then sets off a whole new cycle of worry and I definitely get nightmares or vivid dreams I always think that’s the way my subconscious downloads the anxiety while I’m sleeping

[weegmack in reply to Sweepy13]

That makes a lot of sense to me. The nightmares really make you feel like you haven’t slept at all, right?

I’m still feeling permanently exhausted, but it’s the anxiety disorder that’s doing that to me now. Weirdly my IBS is fairly settled. I’m kind of in auto mode I think. My daughter’s boyfriend just ended their 5 year relationship yesterday. It’s all so sad. She’s devastated, but they’ve talked it through and it’s just not right for them to stay together. I feel really sad for them, but especially for my daughter. I have a real headache ahead to try and get the lease of the flat they were sharing released. She doesn’t want to live there alone and it’s too expensive for one person. My other daughter is just about to start university too, so we’re trying to get them a flat share together - which is really nice, but proving complicated 😬😬😬