I am trying to accept my emotions and not judge myself over what I'm feeling but sometimes I can't help but wonder why do I have to think like this, why does my mind harm myself most.
I'd like to know if any of you have this same reaction.
Everytime I see some of my friends hanging out together, without having invited me, I get very very low.
I mean I know it's not like they should invite me everywhere, but I feel so left out when they hang out and I'm not there.
And sometimes this feeling gets so low that I get gradually into a really bad state of depression, suicidal thoughts pop up and so on.
I do have quite some friends that I hang out with, it's not like I have a group of just 3 best friends and they hang out separately with the purpose of leaving me out. So it is not something with bad intent or so.
I think I just need too much validation from people. I need everyone to like and want me around and so on. Even though I used to say a lot of the time things like I don't care what people think about me and so on, I believe that deep inside I actually feel the opposite.
Note: I am actually much better, but just now this happened to me again and even though I am in a better state emotionally, this still quite affected me.