It is so hard for me to talk to my own sister, let alone strangers. I guess this is the crazy, twisted irony of having something like SA, you want friends and want to be included, but you don't. I want to have friends and be social and have a life, but at the same time I am so scared that nobody will like me and I will be judged and whatever comes out of my mouth will be ridiculed and laughed at. It's why I can't really speak to my own family much, same fears.
Has anyone gotten past this kind of fear?
Written by
MrMonteB
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I feel like I just wrote a similar post! I can definitely relate to this. Trying to work on it! I've started to be more open with those I trust, but it's such a long journey.
Wow, took the words straight out of my mouth, well put. The last couple weeks, since finding this site, have been mind blowing. I really had no idea there were so many other people that struggle with such simular issues as me. It sounds bad, but I'm happy others are going through the EXACT same things/issues as me. I definitely dont mean that in an insulting or rude way at all, it really helps with having a venting outlet i didn't even know exsisted. Many people struggling with mental illnesses, myself included, tend to feel so alone and feel like they are the only one with the problems they deal with mentally everyday. I know that's how i have felt the last few years anyway. I can definitely relate 110%. Feel free to message me if you need to because unlike all the people that tell us they know or understand what we deal with in terms of SA, they truly have no idea usually.
I find that when I'm too scared to talk to people I can sometimes text or email them first. You can formulate words better and revise what you want to say before you send it and don't feel as threatened by direct contact with the person. I suspect that's partly why you're able to participate on this site when you find it difficult to talk to your sister.
I texted my uncle today, (even though I live with him) because I was just too afraid to talk to him upfront. He didn't reciprocate with judgement and disdain (of course) like I feared but only with love and wanting to help. It broke ice enough for us to finally start having a conversation after weeks of me isolating myself from everyone.
But even if he did somehow react badly to what I said at least it would likely be over text and wouldn't sting as much.
I guess my point is, you're doing a great thing doing what you can and posting on this site. Just keep trying to take small steps in the right direction, and you'll soon be able to start the dialogue you need with your sister and others if you want to. If your sister is like my uncle, she sees that your struggling but doesn't want to push you to open up when you don't want to, but also deeply loves you and wants you to be happy.
Idk if any of that is relevant or helpful to you at all but if not you can always dismiss this post and imagine it's coming from a harmless non judge mental blob floating in the internet. Best of luck. (;
Your response does help me. Funny enough, my sister and I do in fact text each other and we live together. She actually suffers from anxiety as well as PTSD so I know she understands what I'm going through.
I absolutely agree with you about text and/or email. It is much easier. I pretty much only text now days it seems. I have ADHD too, so sometimes i tend to speak without thinking every thing through, funny sometimes, but embarrassing at other times.
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