Societal expectations

[PackerGirl]

I’ve written previously about my struggle with severe depression and anxiety as well as my recent losses. What I haven’t delved into is how society as a whole has been affecting my mood. The Covid pandemic has been deeply heartbreaking to watch, the loss of life, generalized fear, etc. What has sent me into a spiral, however, is the recent deaths of two back men who in no way deserved to die, quite especially the way they horrifically did. I am truly heartbroken that society is as racist, bigoted, antisemetic, hateful, cruel, ignorant, etc as it is. As a privileged white woman raised in one of the most segregated cities in the US, I developed into an educated professional dedicated to challenging and addressing social injustices in every possible way. I still believe, deeply in my soul, in social advocacy, social justice, social reform, equal rights...but I’m soooooo tired. I’m not the one fighting on a daily basis with how I’m directly treated because of the color of my skin, my sexuality, my religion, yet, I have been fighting the system that perpetuates these injustices for 25 plus years. It’s infuriating beyond measure. And I realize how selfish it is of me to say that I’m tired but between my clinical depression and current events, I’m so depressed. I’m so disheartened, hopeless and just over it. Human beings are human beings, in the very sense of this fact, we are all equal. We are equals who face differing challenges and who are called upon to support each other through challenging times-not create horrors through judgement and bias. What is so hard to understand about this?!? 😢

[Starrlight]

❤️

[smoothseas]

Your post resonates. Big time.

I've only just joined, but I'm on my knees thanking Serendipity for leading me here. One needs more than tea & sympathy when troubles abound.

[PackerGirl in reply to smoothseas]

I’m so glad you joined! Also glad to know my post resonated with you. Such troubling times are weighing on me (and others) so significantly, it’s just compounding my already existing level of depression. These last few days have been particularly difficult and the sense of deep sadness has overwhelmed me again. I’m just really struggling and I don’t want to pull you down. Thank you for your validation. We’re always here...❤️

[smoothseas in reply to PackerGirl]

It’s that ‘compounding’ effect that’s so damn exacerbating, making it so doubly difficult to deal, isn't it?

I’ve always been a basically resilient individual, but lately that resilience has deserted me , to the point where its almost overwhelming.

Joining here will hopefully provide a bit of succor and solace.

[Hidden in reply to smoothseas]

Hope all sorts out soon, all that is going on now is the burning of peoples homes and shops, innocent people loosing everything. To fire, vandalism and theft.

They have charged the Police that did wrong, Await Due Process. I live in the UK and I feel for everyone who live in these cities of destruction. Both Black and White who have done no wrong

BOB

[Galen_Writer]

I couldn’t have said it better. I thought when Obama was elected that we had achieved victory and a higher moral ground for our country. Then again with the freedom of marriage for LGBTQ. Then, when the Republican senate was able to block Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, I realized we were in trouble. The system is flawed. My grown son and I fell into a deep depression when the results of the 2016 election came in. We knew it was going to go badly. So, kids in cages, denial of pandemics which cost us thousands of lives, “very fine people” white nationalists. I was an activist in Kentucky before I moved to Seattle. My son and I are struggling every day with deep anxiety and depression. I know therapists who are in tears with their own therapists. You are actually sharing traumatic moments in history, shared as a national and international experience. I want to get a t-shirt that has a picture of George Floyd, with a caption that reads, “murdered in public execution.” I am a white man who went to an all black school in Atlanta in the 1960s. We were tiny, and I learned at that moment, we are taught to hate by experience and culture. It is not born in us. You are not alone in your grieving and weariness. I believe at least half of the nation is mourning with you. We certainly are. You are not alone and you have a beautiful heart.

[jtk1701]

Thank you so much for all the work you've done in your life fighting for justice and equality. I've felt really helpless this week too; it feels right now like the only way I'm able to do any good is by donating whatever coins I find in the sofa cushions to relevant charities. But it absolutely weighs on us individually, making us feel powerless to affect any sort of positive change. Know that you're not alone, and remember that even things that feel small, like spreading the word (especially on social media, if you've got it) about organizations like Black Lives Matter and the NAACP, can make a huge difference, especially when we're far away from the actual epicenters and can't be there ourselves to help. Staying informed in and of itself is half the battle. I have [white] friends who have spent all their time since 2016 perpetually burying their heads in the sand, refusing to keep up with anything that's been happening because it's "triggery" to them and they "can't handle it." Talk about privilege... I've been having a hard time reconciling their silence with the socially responsible people I used to think they were. But I digress. The fact that you're already dealing with the full-time job of Living With Depression but *also* paying attention to the news on top of that, and not letting yourself be complacent (or willfully ignorant) is a major testament to your character--strong as hell, compassionate, conscientious, persevering, I mean... you're a rock star!!

Also, I don't know if you're religious/spiritual but I've spent a LOT more time than usual praying this weekend. <3 Anyway. Lots of hugs, stay safe, stay strong <3