Sick of the lethargy

[JPMcFluffies82]

I am currently on 6 different medications for what has been labeled Bipolar Depression. I do not experience mania. My main is issue is insomnia. Some nights I sleep, about 50% of the time I sleep according to my fitbit but I wake up exhausted and the entire day I feel awful. The medication that is supposed to be helping me is also making me feel like shit. I need at least 10 hrs sleep to feel ok and function like a normal human being. I am so incredibly sick of this. I have struggled with this for over a decade. The lockdown has given me opportunity to sleep only through taking clonazepam along with everything else I take but will soon be coming off that, anticipating going back to the feeling like shit most of the time having to be up at 7am for work. I feel hopeless and discouraged. I am contemplating suicide more and more. I feel like no one takes me seriously, not even my therapist or psychiatrist. Is it gonna take a suicide attempt for anyone to actually take me seriously? I feel like no one really gives a shit anyway. Has anyone else experienced insomnia that helps half the time when youre able to sleep it off (which often doesnt happen) and you walk around feeling like a zombie half the time, sad, sick and just ready for it to be over. Please help. Any recommendations helpful. Thank you

[minnie102847]

Like you, I have been prescribed a med (Vraylar) which is for bi-polar & schizophrenia; I don't have either, but my doctor says she has had success with using it for depression. I can't tell yet if it's going to help or not.

I have the same problem with needing more sleep than normal & just don't ever want to get out of bed. Luckily I'm retired & don't have to be up early for a job. I have several medical issues & am pretty much in constant pain which just exacerbates the depression.

I tried to kill myself last fall and ended up in a psychiatric hospital - made my overall state of mind even worse. I would do it again if I was sure it would work. I can't bear the thought of spending even 5 minutes in a mental hospital again. I think you & I are pretty much in the same boat.

[JPMcFluffies82 in reply to minnie102847]

Hi Minnie. Thank you for the reply. Even if neither of us have "solutions" per se, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. I am in the same boat in that even with all of the medication I'm taking, none of it is giving me real, satisfactory and refreshing sleep. I am in a near constant state of exhaustion. I think my bosses at this point are probably not pleased with my work performance and if I'm being completely honest I dont really care. I have hated the job for years and would quit if I had something else lined up. I need a full time job in order to pay rent and live in such an expensive country. Have you tried anything to try to help with the fatigue that has helped you? I'm very sorry to hear of the chronic pain you experience. I couldn't imagine adding that into the mix of depression and exhaustion. I am sending you healing thoughts and hugs. I am here to talk whenever. I am no counsellor, but happy to be a friend and a listening ear.

[minnie102847 in reply to JPMcFluffies82]

I take Trazadone for insomnia and it works pretty well - may too much. My immediate thoughts when I do get out of bed is when can I go back to bed. It seems that's the only time I can deal with the depression. I used to be OCD when it came to maintaining a perfect home - now I just basically don't care. My chronic pain is from surgery to repair a broken hip - can't resolve it without having another more complicated surgery that's not guaranteed to work. My choice is to just learn to live with the pain as opposed to having any more surgeries. The surgeon pretty much agrees with me. I was a corporate accountant & retired at the age of 52 because the stress was killing me - both mentally and physically. I worked 12 -14 hours a day and that was creating problems for my husband. He basically is helpless and not able to deal with me and my mental issues. I really can't blame him - it's not fun to live with a depressed person. If I can offer any advice to you, it would be to try to find another job. It's not worth destroying your life over! Thanks for being a friend - I really need someone who understands what it's like.