I’ve made a couple posts since I’ve joined about my abusive ex and have done whatever I could since the breakup to try to move on, but for whatever reason; I can’t seem to be able to.
Just a quick recap; I’ve known him since o was 11 (I’m going to be 25 in September) and he, 12 (he’ll be 26 in December). We had this on again off again relationship due to our age, being with other people and him moving to a small town that I would ironically move to with my family 2 years later. I was with him for almost 5 years and we’re engaged (or in my mind “promised” to be). Over these years he became abusive and narcissistic, a thief, blamed me for everything and so on, he literally did everything in the book. The breakup was extremely messy and spiked my anxiety and depression as he stalked me through social media and in person and would not leave me alone. Maybe I’m paranoid but to this day I swear; he’s still trying to do whatever he can to keep an eye on me and my life (he no longer has a fb account and he blocked me on instagram but still seems to mimic what I do on mine allegedly).
July 31st, it’ll be 3 years since I’ve escaped him and yet, it doesn’t really feel like I have. I’ve tried everything I could find in regards to trying to move on, I talked to a counsellor, would journal, mindfulness and gratitude activities, self care, you name it. But for some reason I can’t let go.
Maybe it’s because I still can’t believe I let him get away with everything he did, or maybe it’s because I’m still angry about it, I’m not entirely sure why but either way; he’s still haunting me.
I don’t want to be mad anymore. I don’t want to be anxious because of him anymore. I don’t want this affecting my current relationship or any other kind of relationship I have. I just want to exorcise him from my life, but it seems like that will take some more time, much to my dismay.
I Can’t Take It Anymore
i can’t accept the way things are
