Incontinence and stigma

[PJ15]

I am 46 yr old and have been incontinent for the last 16 years. In these years I’ve never been able get over the fear of people noticing that I am wearing a diaper, and my anxiety really never settles down. I have read so many stories and chatted with others going through the same or similar fears and even this doesn’t help for long. How are others dealing with this anxiety/fear?

[Daesin]

As a mom I understand stress incontinence. You sound like you have more of an issue. Have you had a medical check? There are many therapies available. If you haven't been please do. Amazingly enough there are things that physio can help with. Shocked me!

I am constantly concerned that I will sneeze or cough and vomiting really is an issue. I take precautions and like you rely on prodcuts. I also know that I am more freaked out about anyone knowing then anyone knowing would react. Now there are thin underwear type pads. Please, Don't let this hold you back.

Honestly people aren't noticing a panty line. But they will notice your smile. Good luck PJ.

Blessings to all.

[Hidden in reply to Daesin]

People are so superficial. I would hope they’d like to know you for the person you are and not the underwear you have on. If they do they are not worth you attention or friendship.

[PJ15 in reply to Daesin]

Thank you!! I am on meds for depression and anxiety and have been to see a councilor. I wear a thicker diaper due to having no feeling of my bladder being full and then my leaks are usually pretty heavy and the pull on styles won’t hold up. I am always hopeful when a new pull on product comes to market but they all seem to have the same issues for me. I love getting out and meeting people but with my fear of being discovered has made me stay in more than I’d like. I truly appreciate your response and help, do you have these fears on a daily basis?

[Needtovent in reply to PJ15]

If the issue is not having feeling of being full, then could you put yourself on a schedule to go and void, say, every two hours? It may not be full proof, but would reduce the quantities of any leaks. Good luck.

[PJ15 in reply to Needtovent]

I have done that in the past but with my nerve and muscle damage it is painful to try and push the urine out and ends up causing more pain than it’s worth. I can almost never go when I try to push it out as well. That is a very valid suggestion though and something I still try to do thinking I will get a different result. It’s been over 16 years since Ive had to deal with this and I would say I’ve tried just about everything you can think of, but I will try it again if there is hope!!

[Daesin in reply to PJ15]

Everyday. Because of my beautiful babies and the damage they did to my body I don't always know when I have to use the bathroom. So every hour on the hour I go to the toilet it may be 3 dribbles or it may be a full bladder ...... Always a surprise!

I keep a change of clothes in my car and I always have a change in my bag. As well as wipes to clean up and zip bags.

Keep working with your docs as treatments change. I'm glad you see a therapist but what about a urologist? It sounds like one might be helpful.

My biggest weapon is humor. I try to just keep laughing even if it's not myself. Just remember you are more than your bladder. Keep clean and keep going. Let everybody see that smile.

[PJ15 in reply to Daesin]

I go see the urologist once a year sometimes twice for a check up, but my issues are nerve damage related from an accident I was in. There is nothing they can do to correct it and I am not interested in having a catheter in place full time while I am still active and can deal with it in my own. It’s very unfortunate that such a beautiful part of life(giving birth) can be so harmful to a woman’s body!! I hope this isn’t something that keeps you from being you!! You sound like a wonderful person and I truly appreciate your responses!! Hope you have a great day!!

[Daesin in reply to PJ15]

Lol, childbirth is not for the squeamish.

I'm sorry to hear about the nerve damage. That's a bummer for sure. I can't imagine what you go through. You are stronger than you think, I hope you realize that .