Some Adult Problems

[katcom]

Hey everyone, I am katcom. I am not new here, I came here about a year ago, when I made a post about my problems and had some very nice responses.

But now again I feel depressed, for two things : one being my career, another social relationship.

I am now studying piano and computer science at the same time. One one hand, I enjoy music, and seemingly cannot live without it. But I don't have so much talent and experience as those elite pianists do, who not just show excellent musical ability, learning fast and playing wonderfully, and studied from 3 or 5 so that they have been equipped with large amount of practice when they decided to be a professional. I start from 19 and now am 22 years old. I am afraid that I am too old to be pianist. In addition, there are so much uncertainty in a music career. On the other hand, I also love mathematics and software engineering. It just feel like, if I can ever do something meaningful not just for me but for the humankind, it would be by means of math. For me math is a safe place to go, where I can have peace and senses of safty and fulfillment. I hope I can live with math forever too. But here comes a time to choose a career that can support myself. I am doing a part-time job now. But the salary is not enough to support me to live independently. As I aged, I really don't want to live with my parents anymore. I need a well-paid job. I think that might be the problem: should I become a software engineer that can support myself, and put music aside, or should I do the part-time job until I am musically mature enough to be a professional musican.

Another problem is social life. I am a introvert and reluctant to express my feelings, as I consider that all I feel is depress and therefore people would not get along with me if I told them what I really feel. Nobody want to approach a person always complaining, right? As a result, I would pretend to be positive and chatty, clowning around by a lot of funny and imaginative nonsense so that people around me can at least have fun and hence would not consider me a boring, sad and depressed person. It is kind of a clown actually. However, I want to have friend in real life but found none. All the friends that I feel free to talk to is some online pals. It just feels so bad that nobody in your reality actually knows you. As an adult, the problem is even more complicated than that.

I want a girl. Sometimes, I want to fell in love and have a stable relationship, instead of sleeping around or just flirting with friends. I want to build a relationship and have a family. But it just seems very very unlikely, as my career is still uncertain. Whenever I want to start a long-term relationship with a girl, instead of just going out for sex, I retreated, thinking that I am a man of uncertainty, how the hell I can give her happiness. So, for a long time, my sexual desires are satisfied by means of porns and prostitutes and casual sex-partners. Certainly I don't want this situation to be continued. But I cannot find a way out also.

Please give me some advices if you have similar problems.

[Freespirit427]

Good morning Katcom! It seems that mathematics is your passion therefore I would say go with that especially since your intentions are to help others. Maybe you can continue to practice piano on your own until you get better, I feel you’re never to old. As far as friends go a small group of friends is awesome. I am also an introvert who doesn’t have many friends but the ones I have allow me to be myself and love me for me. I am able to be depressed when I’m depressed and goofy when I’m goofy. Take your time with that, always be yourself and be mindful of who you share your feelings with, you will know when it’s right. It’s tiring pretending and can make you more anxious. As far as relationships trying to really focus on the one with yourself can be helpful. I took some time to learn to love myself (still working on it) before entertaining anyone else. It can still be a struggle now but learning my worth and focusing on the things I love about myself has helped.

[katcom in reply to Freespirit427]

Thank you. I am not sure what I can achieve in music, perhaps I haven't gone far enough. I just want to make something beautiful, perhaps intellectually. But I just got so frustrated when I realized that I am not as talented as others in the musical business, that I wonder if I can actually achieve somthing.

[Freespirit427]

Please try not to compare yourself to others. I’m sure you’re amazing ! We are all on separate paths and are at different points of our lives. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself do things because you love to do them. Things will get better❤️

[katcom in reply to Freespirit427]

Thank you. I would try not to compare myself to others. The comparison seems to make me anxious only.

[Hidden]

You are 22 you say and you are never to old to do what you love. You are not old..you're talking to mama bear here..you have time to try what you love and make a formal decision. You could do it all something by day and then a few nights or weekends. Make no hurried decisions., You have time,. Lots of it.

I'm an introvert as well. I get very uncomfortable in a room full of people because it's too "peopley"it's exhausting. I'd rather be home reading than at a party.

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert..we just feel things differently. We express things in different ways neither good or bad it's just the way we are.

As far as pornography there must be a group or I would see a Therapist.

With prostitutes you know I'm sure you're putting your health on the line and to the same Therapist can help you with this too. Go on "therapy finder" part of Psychology Today magazine and you can find a Therapist that specializes in your issues near you.

Good luck 👍

[katcom in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for you advice. After I read your answer, I did some research online about how to get rid of porn, and now I am on my way out of this addiction. Again, thank you :).

[Hidden in reply to katcom]

That's great to hear! Be patient with yourself. Let me know how treatment progresses! You took the first step!