Breathe

[Called2Service]

I just need to vent. The worst thing I’ve done is held over my head. Every day. Jesus forgave me years ago. I forgave myself. My husband however says he has forgiven and yet... every time I turn around, I’m reminded of the worst thing I’ve ever done. Even as I sit here writing this he walks in and says “who are you texting? What’s his name? Are you done?” My husband is losing his flipping mind and I’m over it. I feel like I’m suffocating and he needs to address his own issues.

[Mary-intussuception]

Have you spoken with him about it, when both calm. Ask if you could both move on from the past? As there is nothing to fear.

[Called2Service in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Yes. Repeatedly. He gets like this often over the last few years and the I’m frankly over it

[Tellmeaboutit]

tell him he’s an idiot because t should be “WHOM are you texting?”

no just kidding that was just to make you chuckle.

he’s probably a little insecure, hurt, maybe jealous. he’s only human and you need to forgive him, too. just be completely open at those times. show him what you’re texting without any hesitation or annoyance. give him the extra attention he needs. reassure him that you feel... eww this is getting mushy. you get the idea, ya?

[Called2Service in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

It did make me chuckle. I am a grammar Nazi.

However, I do forgive him every time. He does this most often when I’m on a deadline with homework. I’m working on my BA studies.

I think I’m done. I’ve been in counseling, on meds, and doing everything that I’m supposed to. I’m bipolar II. He has has free reign to take my phone whenever he wishes. It’s been years. Marriage counseling has told him to move on. He’s gone to counseling appointments with me and she has told him to go to counseling to work out HIS issues so he can move on. He has a Psych BA and now a Masters and thinks he’s immune to to the need for professional help. He’s in denial.

He he doesn’t want help, there is nothing I can do. I have loved and forgave constantly. My mental and emotional health are on the line here and I have placed healthy boundaries and he think I’m hiding things. I am now constantly being accused of being a liar, cheat, and apparently now a hypocrite 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t keep doing this. It’s affecting my kids now too. My daughter has down syndrome and extremely empathetic. She feels the emotional shifts and she acts out which stresses me out more.

(Sorry. Was going to all all this last night, but he decided to pull one of his things then keep popping up every few minutes to “catch” me).

Last night before I came here to vent, he even snuck out the front door (which I heard and nearly locked the back door) to walk around the house to try to video me doing something wrong. Then he dramatically burst into the office declaring he caught me on a chat screen. (I was reading the family text, and checking my school email). I didn’t even bother to ask to see his video because I know it’s bogus crap.

I am just done I think. This is too stressful.

[Hidden in reply to Called2Service]

Yup! I’m with you there.

[Tellmeaboutit in reply to Called2Service]

well, i know that feeling. i waited way too long to initiate my divorce. i was so scared about what would happen, but i got to the point where i didnt care, it just couldn't be any worse than what i was going through. and it wasnt.

talk to a lawyer first. dont think you can “work it out” without one. you cant.