Crashed & burned: Well yesterday I... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
45,844 members47,243 posts

Crashed & burned

Bluetj
Bluetj

Well yesterday I crashed and burned. What I mean by this is that I had a major break down, I went to the hospital. I don't know if its the depression or the anxiety that messes with my mind more than anything. Who knows, its probably a combination of the both. I am doing everything to hold myself together even now. This death thing I am so tired of it. It plays games with me emotionally & physically. It seems like it has became more physically the longer I have it and then the physical part messes with my emotions. It use to be the other way around. Seems like my back is always hurting I guess its where my lungs are and I don't know can't explain it. Tired of running to hospital as well as the doctor. I have so many bills even after my insurance has paid its part, these is from last year. When does it end? This can't be my life. Somebody please talk to me, I wish I could find someone here locally to be my friend and understand. I remember mentioning in another post, everyone is going thru something so everyone is in need of help. How do I go thru this without accepting this?

22 Replies
oldestnewest

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I was hospitalized before too. It's a long story. What happened?

Bluetj
Bluetj in reply to Square251

I just went to the hospital, a different then usual. They took vitals, I spoke to a psychologist, who set me up for refills on meds & will be seeing a psychiatrist. So hopefully 🤞🏾

Square251
Square251 in reply to Bluetj

I'm rooting for ya buddy! I'm always here if you want some to talk to by the way.

Health anxiety is a tough one. I have it. I live with it everyday. Accept when I don't. It creates a vicious circle of anxiety and pain that feeds off itself. Accept when it doesn't. I feel like I can't breathe, my chest hurts and my stomach is on fire. Accept none of that is actually true.

You see health anxiety plays off many of our fears: fear of death, fear of emptiness, fear of failure and more. Our mind can even trick our body into producing the effects we're so often afraid of. The more we resist the pain the longer it pervades (or so the saying goes). The truth of the matter is there is a huge chance that we are just fine. If you've seen your PCP, done the tests, are eating right, getting exercise and taking care of yourself as best as you can you're way ahead of the game. Your mind is simply tricking you into believing it. Why? I haven't the foggiest notion, but I believe it has something to do with our survival instinct gone way off course.

How do you get through this without acceptance? I personally cannot. I have to accept the 'here and now' just as it is or I'm healthy anxiety toast (so to speak). I'll dig myself into a hole that is difficult for me to get out of. But that's just me.

Read Dr, Claire Weeks book 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves.' It's, more or less, required reading around here.

Bluetj
Bluetj in reply to Pugglesworth

U said something that I have always wonder. Is this a malfunction of nerves?

Pugglesworth
Pugglesworth in reply to Bluetj

I don't think it's a malfunction as much as over-stimulation. In my case I become so hyper-sensitive to every single pain (no matter how small) that my survival instinct goes into overdrive. The best way I've found to cope with this is ease down on listening to the judgments and the stories playing out in my head.

I really need to get some solid rest when I'm in this state to allow my body to drop back to as close a state of normal reaction as it can get. If I can I'll take an extra day or two off work. I go to bed early and get 8 to 9 hours of sleep. Naps on the weekends.

Exercise can't be over-stated as well as eating nutritious food. Read a good book. Watch a show you enjoy. Be kind to yourself and your body. This is not your fault. It's a normal reaction to a situation that we find ourselves in on a somewhat regular basis.

Your body can and will restore itself to balance.

This is all so true, what’s so difficult though is when you feel this way and so really need excessive and nutritious food is exactly the time when you can’t put your mind to making these things happen. It’s all I can do to boil some noodles when I’m depressed even though I know this food will not help and decent food is what is needed.

Fresh air is the best one for me as it only takes putting on your trainers and coat. And then come home for scrambled egg on toast, nutritious and easy. Listen to the part of yourself which is kind xxxx

Recommendation: get a 'Nutri-Bullet' or some kind of blending device. A cup of spinach, a banana and a cup of frozen berries. Add a cup of water or iced tea and a scoop of protein powder (I use Vega Berry Blend). Blend for half a minute. Instant (more-or-less) nutrition.

Put on your trainers and coat and go for a walk!

:)

Thankyou very much pugglesworth I will have a look xx

They look really good and should help a lot.

What I think I mean to say is, and I’m not suggesting you have the answer here but .....for example I know I’m better when I drink more water and it’s been proven to help in so many ways and it’s the easiest thing to do, just drink more water, but when I’m in a certain state of mind I just won’t drink it. I can’t get it down I can’t bare it. But when I’m out of it I get into good habits again. So I think my question is. How does a person who is in the depths of self harm almost (not knowingly so but when you are so low you don’t see the point of things and you are anxiety ridden etc etc..... how do you take care of yourself? Where is the flicker of positivity which allows you to move yourself to do something positive for yourself like go for a walk or make a smoothy? Does this make sense?

It does make sense and I'm not sure I have the answer you're looking for.

In my case, I lose a good amount of weight when I'm 'in a bad way.' I can drop 25 pounds or more in a month. If I'm depressed or anxious I know I won't be eating as much as I should, reading what I should and generally being good to myself. I know I need to force doing these things. And for me it's very uncomfortable. I set alarms to remind myself to eat. I force myself to the gym. I do something I like such as watch shows that I enjoy. I find a comedy. It can take some time for the positive to begin to show results, but I know that too. There is no 'quick-fix' for me when I'm in the midst of a depressive or anxious episode. It can take weeks to get out of.

But it does end and I know that too. All things arise and pass away. It's simply the nature of our reality. Even the planet and the universe will end. All things do.

One thing I do that may be on the 'odd' side is I practice a meditation called 'Metta'. Metta is a loving-kindness meditation that involves wishing yourself well. As you advance you wish others well. The 'practice' is slow, methodical and takes time; however, the benefits to me have been very good.

I don't recommend anyone meditate without a teacher as meditation is a 'de-constructive' process that breaks down our experience. This can be quite jarring and difficult and I can personally attest to that. I have been on retreats where people have difficulty even with loving kindness as it quite surprising to some how much we don't love ourselves. This is also a challenge.

Before you begin looking for a teacher I would recommend seriously considering why you would want to meditate. In my experience meditation is not what it is typically sold to be. It is an ancient practice that is difficult to bring into our modern lives. We don't live in monasteries or cloisters where we could seek help from those who are wiser and more experienced than ourselves.

If you are interested in metta I would recommend finding a teacher who teaches that and only that.

Hidden
Hidden

you must accept your situation, you'll feel a load has been taken off your shoulder. Trust me, you'll be happier. Resisting your situation brings misery. Things will improve, have perseverance and hope. Be kind to yourself.

Bluetj
Bluetj in reply to Hidden

That's just it, I don't know how to accept it. For days I had just been going about my way, not even really acknowledging it, then WHAM, I crashed & burned 😢

I understand how you feel. As we speak I am having a major anxiety attack. Fighting going to the er, cause really what's the point.. everyone I know avoids me cause of all my issues.

Its horrible.

Bluetj
Bluetj in reply to Timmypliskin

I am so sorry ur going thru right now, I can definitely relate. However, I am here for u to help get u thru. I can message u & we can just talk back & forth if u like. 🙏🏾

Timmypliskin
Timmypliskin in reply to Bluetj

Thanks it does help to talk with people who go thru this

I've been to the hospital also many times for exactly what you talk about. I'm glad you have found our forum. Its helps me alot along with seeing a Therapist and group therapy. I still cope and deal with this anxiety/health-anxiety. Just have to keep going and know that you have the support. 😊

Bluetj
Bluetj in reply to UFC80

I go to therapy however wish I could find a group closer to my house. I have to drive at least an hour to the group. 👎🏽

UFC80
UFC80 in reply to Bluetj

Its good you are reaching out for the help. Im sorry the groups are far away. I was wondering if Anxiety/Depression online Web-Cam sessions exist? I'll check and find out 😊

Sorry you feel so bad! I have never been to the hospital for my depression/anxiety. But I have wanted to! The Dr. bills are so high that it stops me from going! I live in a small town that offers no group therapy which I think would really help! I take an antidepressant and it helps some. Hope you get to feeling better soon!

Bluetj
Bluetj in reply to Barbasol

Between the grace of God and the hospital bills is what has stopped me from going. Although I have insurance, I still have a portion that I have to pay. Getting collections calls about those so that has added to things. The suburb where I stay doesn't have group therapy either. I have actually googled groups therapy and they are really not that popular, at least not where I'm at. I think mental health needs to really be looked at by the top officials. I told my sister, mental health is about to run physical health out the door. I, too, am taking antidepressants, yes it helps SOME, but I am grateful for that help.

You can call me at 7736001987 im Tony

You may also like...