Is this how real change starts?

Abandoning old negative comfortable behavior. So much of me wants to turn back because that’s all I know. Now what?

[Hidden]

I've heard that even a good change can feel weird or even off putting because we become so used to how things have always been that a part of us is made uncomfortable. It's the part that is scared of the change because at least we know the bad stuff, we know how it feels and it becomes almost like a security blanket. There is a show called Big Mouth that made depression out to be a giant cat that gets on top of you and lulls you into feeling that this is all there is but at least it won't surprise you. Change upends that and will feel odd or even terrible until it gets better.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m nooo expert Maybe having a projection board and write down goals and things u want to do five and ten year goals ??? Just a thought ?? Take Carr great job congrats

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I like that idea. Kind of like a vision board?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’ve never seen Big Mouth but now I want to. Makes so much sense!! Thanks 😊

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I use a big paper board to project or brainstorm tonir throw out ideas wishes etc anytging

Later prioritize orcsort but anytging allowed and helps pull me forward or think about where I might want to go in my life

Yur kind to be so open minded Tks

John

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I love that idea. I’m picturing a big cork board and I can use index cards to move ideas around. Such a good idea! Thanks Brig57😊

[Lylabeagle in reply to Hidden]

You HAVE to watch Big Mouth! Sooooo good

[Hidden in reply to Lylabeagle]

I’ve always seen the characters but never knew what was about. So creative. I love the idea that is depression. I wonder if the creators struggled with depression?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I like to use the analogy of cleaning out my closet. I have to take everything out to reorganize and then put it back together. I feel like everything is out now and I’m trying to reorganize it into this new life I’m building. I know it all fits on there but I’m still figuring out how I want it to look

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Change begins in the moment because that's all we have. I can't really "go backwards." Or even "forwards." I just have now.

If I have a goal, what am I doing right now to achieve it? Positive attitude and thinking are usually good places to start.

The next thing I know, it's the next moment and I need to do what's in front of my nose. Putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right (healthy, good) thing is difficult to practice. But that's how I change.

Patient progress. One day at a time.

[Lylabeagle in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Well said

[Hidden in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Small chunks are so much easier to manage. I’m learning that. Procrastinating and then leaving this huge thing until the last minute is my pattern in so many areas of life but I want to try a few minutes everyday to tackle the big stuff. I completely agree. Progress not perfection is one I try to remind myself with.

[Lylabeagle]

I feel you. Experiencing the same thing. A wise man once used a wonderful analogy to explain it to me - regardless of the circumstance, change is uncomfortable. As humans, we are so incredibly adaptable. Like an innocent child in a third world country who knows nothing but poverty, introducing them to a fruitful environment will make them uncomfortable, to the point they may try to replicate their previous surroundings in ways, if this makes any sense. I am currently going through positive change in majors ways which triggers this uncomfortablitlity simply because it is unfamiliar. For a long time I attributed this to me, or the place I was physically but realised that it was simply a reaction to change and this is okay. Push through, try your best to be mindful and embrace all the new steps you are taking, easier said than done I know but wishing you luck and sending love

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Lylabeagle]

Well said. 😎

[Hidden in reply to Lylabeagle]

That makes so much sense! I’m glad you get it. It almost feels like once I get close and can really see the change, my self sabotage can kick in and I do something to interfere with me reaching that new place. Not this time though! You know the difference this time is being on here and reading posts and interacting with all of you. I’m learning so much 💛

[Hidden]

Change can start the moment you see that where you are isn’t where you desire to be. This is all thought based. The next thing is do is determine if you have the means and capabilities to evolve from thought to making it a reality? Is the desire or need strong enough?

Change is hard, old ways are familiar, is the familiar healthy for you? This is how I approach most things and people.

My desire is super strong, right now I’m limited In putting effort into future changes, life is going on around me at the moment. I’d love to have a bucket list or something I have to look forward to, lucky to plan something 2-3 hours in advanced, I’m not getting any younger at almost 52. 😥

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I get that feeling of just needing to get through that moment much less get to some major goal. It overwhelms me when I think of that. I’ve tried to send myself reminders of what I did that day that I’m proud of. I’ll text myself messages. It helps me to keep moving forward.

52 is so young! I’m a 42 year old community college professor and I feel like a brand new life can start at any age. Last semester I saw a 92 year old finish her associates degree with plans to go finish her bachelors and then her masters degree! I’ve personally seen people find the love of their lives after age 80 and get married. Reaching where we have always wanted to be is possible if we keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to believe that 😊💛

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Hidden]

There is always hope. Remember that. No matter how bleak things may seem at times. During my breakdown I never lost my hope or my sense of humor. Both helped save my life.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Keep it simple.

[Hidden in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I’ve never really known how to do that but I want to💛

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Hidden]

Simplicity was never in my vocabulary either. Neither were balance and moderation. Lol

[Hidden in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

So true. That all or nothing thinking is such a huge driver of my depression and anxiety. Good reminder thanks LilyAnnepuppy🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I might should add, my husband is 60, he’s incredibly supportive, he gets really angry at what he sees me go through, he feels helpless all the time.

I really want things with me to change so we can do more together, right now things are about acceptance and getting through circumstances. My goals I guess are getting through the next moments with some sort of humor and being hopeful. I have to believe there is something better than this.

I should start sending reminders to myself too. My sense of humor would like to see what silly things I can say but at the same time remember no matter how bad the night was or the day was I (we) overcame it. Attitude is truly key. 🌹🌺💖

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I could not agree more. It’s like a train leaving the station, one thought can lead to another thought and they pick up steam. I use various breathing techniques to help reset when I feel my thoughts getting away from me. One I really like is the square breathing technique also known as “box breathing.”

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m gonna sound stupid, breathing techniques make me think to hard. So does doing muscle relaxation techniques. I’m thinking too much how these things need to work to fix what ever is wrong at the moment. Silly I know.

I have to leave the room per se all together and engage in something else entirely. Go for a run, I will only think about running. Find a favorite song I know the words to, I’ll only think about singing those words and music needs to have a beat, nothing emotional. I’ve got pets, 2 cats and 2 dogs. Especially my cats, they are amazing distractions, I get warm and fuzzy feels, they can make me feel better emotions instead of bad ones, I get silly and do cat things. 😂😂😂

When I can’t sleep at night, I put together a jigsaw puzzle. Large piece puzzle so I don’t have to squint in the dim light. 😂😂

Now that I think of it, I think expending my energy helps, where maybe others do things to conserve energy. I’ll wind down eventually, I’m always chasing what I can do to sleep better, probably my thinking behind it. Interesting how I’m just thinking of these things talking to you. This has kinda helped me too. ❤️🌺

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

This was so helpful. We are all so different. Finding what works has taken so much time. For me, it’s using my hands to create something. I love power tools of any kind. Always building something or making something for my house. I joke my addiction is to home decor and lamps 😆

[courageovercomfort]

I say just keep practicing the hard stuff! Eventually this will become the new behavior. Old negative comforting behavior can be cunning baffling and powerful. It’s hard!

[Hidden in reply to courageovercomfort]

So true. I’m learning so much being on here

[DJB74]

Keep moving on in new adventures. Stay in the new. You deserve it.

[Hidden in reply to DJB74]

Thanks 😊

[DJB74 in reply to Hidden]

Just stay in touch with us here on line and we will keep you from falling back. Keep moving forward. See whats new out there. How did last night go?

[Hidden in reply to DJB74]

I posted a photo of my heart I made in my original post. Met a bunch of new people. It was fun

[DJB74 in reply to Hidden]

Very Awesome. Stay strong Warrior.

[MrZee]

Dear nc007,

Why turn back when there’s so much opportunity for you to move forward? Yes, easier said than done but it is possible.

As my therapist says, “In certain areas of growth and change in our lives, sometimes we have to take baby steps in order to move forward.”

Try to pat yourself on the back for reaching out here. Pat yourself on the back for having the awareness you want change for a better well being in life. And pat yourself on the back for the positive feedback and support you give so many of us on this site.

In my humble opinion hun, it only gets better.

-MZ ❤️

[Hidden]

Sounds like a good therapist. I really do feel good reading and learning on here. Thanks Mr. Zee😊

[skidrew in reply to Hidden]

This conversation really inspires me to get back to the happy me! So simple but yet so hard when the perfect storm is brewing. I’ve been taking shelter, being frozen thinking things will change by not taking action. You are proving action steps are necessary to get better! Ty

[Hidden in reply to skidrew]

I’m so glad you got something from it. I get so much just sharing on here with people who totally understands😊