lol hey

[music74]

hi I am new here. my friend actually recommended this website for me. i am a senior in high school and im not having the best time. at school and when i am with my friends, i always act so happy and i even have so much fun. but in reality, i am so broken. i dont know where i am going to college. all of my friends are younger than me. im afraid that they will all get closer and eventually just forget about me. we are all so close now and it is going to change. my test scores are not the best, so i am going to be paying off student loans forever lol. my friends dont understand how extremely sad i am. they kinda shrug it off and never take me into consideration when im pretty much crying for help. my parents are the same way too. they want to help, but they just dont understand how broken i really am. i have so many people who love and care about me and who rely on me. i cant leave them, even though it hurts me so much to even stay here. i have a best friend but he is four years younger than me, so it's hard to talk to him sometimes considering the large age gap. he still has a lot more to experience in life, so he doesnt really know what to do when i ask him for help. he also gets mad bc he is so young. so that basically leaves me alone. he doesnt understand what he is doing, or what he has gotten himself into choosing to be my friend. he'll realize once he is older, and we arent close anymore. everyone says it gets better in college, which i hope i make it to. im sure i will. it's just a lot to wrap my mind around. i dont really feel any deserving to move on in the future. start a career, a family, i just cant see myself achieving any of it.

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Hello. As you get older and see more of life, you will eventually find what your goal will be or what you really want to do.

Somebody advised me the quote, "Take one day at a time." It's not easy really, but it helps when things are not going right and the way you wanted them to be. A strong mantra for me.

It's frustrating when the people you thought you could trust and rely on are people who doesn't understand what you are going through.

It's tough really. Sometimes you need to just stand your ground.