So I have this thing where I get extremely lonely when my closest friends don't talk me for a long time. I already have anxiety and am feeling sad and depressed, so when people take too long to reply I start to think they don't love me, they hate me. And well, I got out of 11 month relationship, as the guy had to leave and we weren't going to do long-distance and ever since he left I have felt super lonely. I miss him so much, I cry for him almost every night, he left in late September... its been four months he made me feel whole and loved. I only needed him, he made my life special and more meaningful. But now he's gone... and I'm waiting for the day I can be with him, but I think I fuc*** it up. Im not sure, I have friends but I don't feel the connection anymore to them, I'm so lost with myself I can't even think properly. I just feel so empty and lonely.
hey Im new: So I have this thing where... - Anxiety and Depre...
hey Im new
Sorry you are missing your Boyfriend, you have one consolation He will eventually return, possibly and you will be together once more, How long before He returns ?.
We all go through times like these when young, I had several periods in my early, mid, late teens where I was separated from girls I was engaged to, I was on courses over extended periods it was very lonely and worrying for me.
All I can suggest is you try to keep in contact with this person, use your computer ZOOM, you will have contact and see each other. That may help
BOB
hey Bob :), he won't be coming back, because he is permanently living in the other country, but I will be going there in 4-5 months. He may be able to visit in march or April but I'm not sure, because of the hole covid situation. And yeah thank we well, just have to wat and see. I still text him, it's just difficult because he's also going through stuff, so he doesn't always reply. Plus I kind of almost ruined things between us, because of my lack of communication and letting my mental health to get in the way, I'm lucky he gave me a second chance. Right now we are taking this slow and this time truly focusing on ourselves, and getting better. We both know we still care for each other and even love, but again we have to wait and see what we want and in the end when we see each other again.
Vivian I wish you both well, yes this virus is a real problem that is having many distractions and life problems caused by this illness. We all need to be strong things hopefully will sort out and we can all get on with our lives.
Yes it can be hard when Partners move away to work however it can be the making of the relationship, however the road will be long and uneven. However if you are both patient and love each other it will work for you both. Be truthful to each other and hopefully move on together
BOB
Yeah its been very hard and especially worse for others :(, I just hope It finishes soon because school os getting really difficult to cope with. And yeah hopefully I'm praying for everything to turn out alright.
Welcome, Vivian. Cat Stevens wrote a song called “The First Cut is the Deepest” and I found that to be true with the end of my first serious relationship. There will be more, but I know that doesn’t help the pain and loneliness you feel right now. You’ll find help and support here. Bob is a good example. Hang in and take advantage of being part of this great group of folks....
Yeah I have already found this group and people on this website to be so supportive. I'll listen to that song, music helps a lot I think with relating to stuff. And yeah there will be more it really hurts and sucks and I still think there's a chance to get back together, but right now I need to get better mentally I think. Im getting excited for the road ahead tho
That’s great, Vivian. The road ahead has all kinds of promise! You can always change the road your on though there’s lots of twists and turns along the way.
U need to know that many people do feel like that but it is not a true feeling. Love is not supposed to hurt u. If u don't feel a connection 2 ur friends, u myt need 2 find othes u will feel. As 4 the ex, luv, let me tell u that we often don't c gud things happening around us bcz they appear bad, years 2 cum u will thx him 4 leaving, blv me. Gud things usually cum in bad packages n bad things usually appear gud at first, so, relax n learn 2 luv urself. U wl b fyn
Yeah I need to relax more about the situation, I think its because he's my first serious relationship and the first person I have loved romantically. I relied on him a lot emotionally because he was literally everything to me, my best friend too, and we could relate so much. He was the first person to prioritize me, care for me, and make me turkey comfortable and happy around him. And about the friends, I mean I'm leaving the country I am in, in about four months so I'm not really looking to make friends here, in the next country I will be happier because I have proper friends there. Right now feel like my social-battery is drained. And yeah I will be finee
Gud 4 u
I can relate to feeling the way you do. I'm lonely on an almost daily schedule. I have issues where it people don't respond quick enough I get super anxious and begin thinking the worst. I've been single now since the beginning of September so not much longer than you and the best advice I can give you is something I myself am struggling with. You have to find something else besides the loneliness to focus on or it will keep making things difficult. I know it's hard because I'm struggling to find something else to focus my attention on besides my feelings for my current roommate. I know it isn't exactly the same thing as what you're focusing on but trust me from my experience the days I can succeed in redirecting focus from her are the days life seems most worth living. Also you may just fine whatever you choose to redirect your focus on helps you reach whatever you truly want most whether it's just being back with your ex or finding that someone that makes your life more worth living overall. Also if you ever need to vent or talk to someone about things you don't want to openly post for everyone to see feel free to just message me directly. I'm a great listener and I'm always willing to help any way I possibly can.
Yeah same, I get so anxious and then I try and think of rational things of why they might not be responding. And that's a good idea to try and not think of the loneliness, I guess I though hurrying myself in work would help but I don't even like to work XD, I'm dyslexic so when I try and do homework I struggle for hours and it makes things worse lol. But yeah your right finding a distraction would help a lot. I mean hopefully I get back with my ex when I go to the same country but who knows what might happen by then, but I really hope I do, not gonna lie. And thank you os much for that last part, means so much to me, same goes to you if you ever just need someone to vent to <3.
No problem. They say with age comes experience and me being 41 in March I've been through a lot in my life. It is hard some days to do everything the best way possible and A LOT of people struggle with patience and wanting results now. I'm no different. I'm juggling exercise, therapy, doctor visits, and more all while constantly wanting things to change now and see the results now. You have to step back sometimes, take a breath, and remember most everything in life is a marathon not a sprint. Results will come when they are meant to and you need to just try to relax and enjoy as much about life as you can. Nothing in life worth having is quick or easy and that goes even more so for a good, healthy relationship. This is one lesson I'm learning now at 40 that I wish I had learned sooner.
Yeah I need to remember that there is time and that time isn't a bad thing, and that life is a marathon. Ive spent so much of my childhood moping and missing out in opportunities. Im glad I haven't peaked in high school, but I have a feeling that after high-school everything will start falling into place. Nothing s too late
Nothing is ever too late is a good thing to remember or even you are never to old to learn in my case. Like I said before, I'm going on 41 and, in all honesty, living my life for me and my wants and needs just began in September 2020. I was fighting and struggling with being unhappy and unhealthy for basically my entire life. I never really did anything to feel like I was truly living my life and when it came to relationships I was in one dumpster fire after another because I hate being alone and I'm unhealthy in so many ways. My best friend finally got through to me after putting her foot down and telling me I was moving in with her and she wasn't going to take no for an answer. So now I'm working on getting physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy all at the same time while I fight my loneliness. The best thing to learn from all this is you need to be healthy, happy, and love yourself before a really good healthy relationship is truly possible.
Yeah exactly! no matter your age it's never too late. I think its amazing that you have a best friend like that, someone so supportive and determined to help you. And its even more amazing how determined you are to change. And I agree, its really important to love yourself and even to be kind to yourself. I hope now you start to do things you love to do and chase your dreams, and one day the loneliness will go. I think that's a big goal personally for me, to find comfort in myself and be happy of who am.
Same here. As I'm finding who I really am more and more, the picture in my head of what I want becomes clearer and clearer. The funny part is what I want most I have just not in the way I want it. So I keep working on me and getting healthy while trying not to focus too much on it because I need to focus on me getting healthy first. After that who knows if the real relationship/family will come from. I hope it comes from my best friend in all honesty because I'm so in love with her it tends to drive me crazy and I have issues focusing on anything but her. However if it doesn't I will be fine and keep going to find that relationship and happiness that I know I deserve
Right! me too, I got rid of toxic friends who didn't truly make me happy and now I get to focus on what makes me, me I guess. Yeah life has a funny way of teaching us about things. And exactly we never know what will happen next, and why should we worry, sadly a lot of the times we forget that. Maybe one day you can tell her how you feel! like when you know you have become healthy. You never know maybe she might feel the same way, and yeah if it doesn't then you will be fine. We will be fine in the end and we need to keep going 
Part of my process to getting healthy is opening up and communicating more effectively so she knows how I feel. She just doesn't feel the same currently because she has never seen me healthy so all she has to go by is what she has seen and heard of me and my relationships which have all been truly bad. Plus we started as good friends and for some people it is really hard to chance losing a friend if you try to have a relationship and it doesn't work out so she doesn't want to risk our friendship right now.
Yeah, its good you have the communication between each other. And thats totally understandable, I think loosing someone as a dear friend is as equally as bad as loosing someone romantically maybe even worse. But I think its really good y'all are still working through everything your going through, and being supportive
She is hands down my biggest supporter and motivator. She keeps me focused and pushing forward even when I'm at my worst and I'm falling apart. Hell I first said it to her as a joke but it honestly rings more and more true everyday that our.living situation is basically a trial run of being a family without the sex and intimacy.
Oh Vivian!
I understand. Just take time to work for your anxiety and you will get better.
As of boyfriend, leave it for the time being if possible. See if you are in your best state then only you can be available for someone, right. So give your self time and get better first.
Later you can decide in the best of state, what to do.
We are here for you.
Your so right!! I'm just impatient and wanna get better now, I wanna get better not only for me but for him as well. And thank you so much I really appreciate the support.
💜 You will do!
Hey, there valuable human.
I can sense your pain from what you wrote. We at times believe that we hold value and worth because someone else loves us, that we are only valuable or worthy when others recognize us. I am here to say that you are worth more than what you can imagine. I too struggle with feelings of abandonment and thinking that my friends actually hate me and to add to that, I often think that people think I am evil and a bad person. I make mistakes, I am harsh on myself, and I do not feel worthy of love. Your pain is unique to you, but know that as a stranger I can sense your worth through words and how much it means to you to connect with others. You are worth a thousand words and a bit of advice that might not be as great, is that do not attach your worth or identity to others. It seems that you have been living for everyone else because (me theorizing/hypothesis) you want to make sure you belong. You aren't alone in this feeling of belongingness, if that is one of the many reasons why you may feel lonely. I am sorry that the world has been cruel to you.
This would be so much easier if I could send voice messages XD. But I've never looked at it that way, how I search to belong but it makes so much sense. Ive always felt lost in my friend groups and have always jumped from one to the next, and the fact that I have finally removed toxic people from my life is a good thing but it feels lonely. And the fact that in my home country I have no friends makes it worse but your right that doesn't mean anything really. Im just a bit behind in the friend department I guess XD. And yore advise helps me a lot, the more I talk about how I feel on here the more I start to think and understand its not my fault and I need to be more kind to myself. I think I punish myself because I've made bad decisions but I was way too young and hurt to understand it wast my fault. I can also feel as though I can relate to you, you seem really sweet and like you care a lot for those around you. I often say that who I am as a person involves my deep love and care for others and prioritizing them, which is wrong yes but I feel happier when I can take care of others, perhaps that is an issue XD. But again you seem really caring and compassionate and empathetic, those qualities in someone is rare, and because of those qualities you of course deserve to be loved. I think I'm rambling on a bit XD. But thank you it means to much, I haven't really head those words in a while.
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