Life used to mean so much.

[Kiltyman]

It's been awhile. Had a bad experience on this site some time ago. But hoping to reconnect because nobody seems to care anymore. The world seems to be changing so much for me now. One must hide their pain and suffer in silence so you don't offend others with your "trivial self-pity" as it has been so fearlessly put by some (not on this site). I am pretty much completely alone. My attempts to re-establish some connections with my family have all failed. I've been told to "grow up", "it's your own fault", "just don't have time for you". So then I wonder? Why bother anymore. Suffering alone in silence is really just being dead but in hell. Sometimes I wonder if this is truly my hell on earth. That allows terrible thoughts of self demise to flood my already overworked brain. Then I consider the results of such a decision. And lately those results add up to zero. I even have gone so far as to picture my own funeral. And realized that there would be no one there. So my question is a hard one. Is this pitiful life even worth consideration? Or is it just really time to go to a better place. The fight has been long. The world has changed and has no place for me. I think it is time to surrender.

[Mary-intussuception]

Thank you for your past Service.

Sorry for what it has cost you.

But yes, my answer would be that life is worth consideration, is worth living, and it up to us to keep on ' fighting the good fight' , doing what good we can. But - making sure we rest and refuel when it all gets to much. Taking some 'time out'. Some peace and quiet on our own.

I disagree that the world has no place for you. There is so much need for kindness in the world today, - vulnerable people and creatures that need help.

Do you think there is anything you could do to make your part of the world a better place?

We can't change the world - but can we change ourselves and our locality ?

You are Precious, life is precious but fragile.

People who say unkind things are surely people to avoid.

Is there an Animal Shelter anywhere near you where you could offer your help as a volunteer? Is there a Nursing Home where some folk might appreciate a visit. Is there an elderly neighbour near you who needs help tidying their garden ?

Hope you find some genuine folk who are kind and caring and deserve your friendship.

Meanwhile I hope light shines through your darkness soon.

God Bless

xXx

🐥

[Kiltyman in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Thank you so much. I have been hiding from the world the last couple of days. Just being out is now a cause for anxiety. People are so rude. Always with the "me first" attitude and only they are important. Their everyday actions are so hard for me to comprehend. I have found pleasure in my life in the past as a giver not a taker. There used to be many like myself. To help another always left me with a warm feeling. Now that feeling is gone. Now from scammers bombardments to fake homeless persons I no longer recognize humanity. Then I think about my military service and say to myself : you went through all that for them? I feel abandoned and abused. I can't even reach out to my comrades. They're all gone now. But I'm sure they are thinking the same things as I. Yes this is mental illness. But today's culture is just not conducive to helping with this problem. More if adding to it by treating us like outcasts. I'm so saddened by today's society. GOD help us all!

[Tbine]

Hello Kiltyman,. Your not alone in feeling discouraged with what humanity or society has become. The world has become a very evil place. (Just watch the news for 10 minutes). When the failed world has failed you and you can no longer find enjoyment or peace in your daily existence,. The answer is not to check out. The inner-peace, happiness, and self-fulfillment you desperately search for in the world, a material object, television, relationship, etc. CANNOT be found in a FAILED SOCIETY, where MOST people can't help themselves ! You have to look where you will find PURPOSE , and everything you need to FEEL hope again in a hopeless environment. ( i don't know if you believe in God?) But i urge you to start reading the bible,.i did, very little at a time. And you will feel better and secure with yourself as you continue to read. I still feel like you do most days, but i pray and read the Bible and i feel like THAT is where i find my strength to go on in this life. Have a open mind ! At least give it a try?

[Kiltyman in reply to Tbine]

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

[Bluetj]

Wow, sorry 2 hear this but ur singing my song. Life did use to b so meaningful but now its so depressing. Everybody is going thru some kind of problem til it seems like there is no one out there to help. I know I am so tired of putting on these faces as if all is well when on the inside I am battling within myself. Struggling tryn not to think about the wat's next, the wat ifs', the will I's, & the list goes on. Seems like everyday is a constant battle. I have family that supports me, they don't understand, but neither do I. They can't help me because I don't know wat to tell them regarding how.

However, I read a post where somebody stated about the world being more like people with mental illness. Not the illness itself, but to b more compassionate, caring, loving which is true. I have never considered myself to b this until my symptoms began. I experience a lot of irritability, but I have became more caring towards others.

Well, I will stop now because I can go on & on rite now. Just know ur not alone, this too shall pass. 😉

[Hidden]

I had a similar experience trying to reconnect with family over the holidays. I've slowly come to realize that tendency to isolate is a family thing and most(but not all) tend to do the same as me. This realization makes me not take it so personally. (They've said no to most others as well.)

In my case, there's an impulse to reach out to family but I feel like I have to look elsewhere for healthier behavior if I want to practice it. Family takes extra energy and can be a step backwards, even.

[Kiltyman in reply to Hidden]

I think you hit the nail on the head. It's tough when you only have one other sibling. And I find it difficult to reach out to strangers.

[mvillarreal]

Hi, Kiltyman. First, if you ever feel seriously suicidal, please call someone right away, whether a hotline or even 911. None of us here want you to take your life because we feel that you are valuable as a person. It sounds like the people who are blaming you or accusing you of "trivial self-pity" are very uncaring, lacking empathy, and cold toward you. I wonder, if all attempts at reconciliation with them fail, would it be possible to cut them out of your life so you could focus on the people who DO care about your well-being and spend time with them? There must be someone out there who cares. Maybe a counselor or a trusted family member? Maybe you could start with them, and they could help you build more connections. The people who are being unkind to you really just kind of sound toxic, and, unless they decide to have empathy and actually give an ounce about you, it might be good just to stay away from them and spend more time with the people who empathize with you.