For 2 months I was feeling bad. I didn't like my job and I had panic attacks and related symptoms during the day (headaches, stomach, sweat, sleep, etc). At night, he came home tired, only to sleep. On weekends I spent them alone. I did routine things: clean my room, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, I didn't share that with anyone. I shut him up and let him tear me inside.
So the routine hated me and I decided to leave the medications indicated by my psychiatrist. Also, I stopped visiting my psychologist, and also quit my job. The latter in order to enter a psychiatric center. This as a last resort before committing suicide, because I had already decided.
Because no psychiatrist "considered" that I needed to be admitted, I went to visit Piura with my family by way of dismissal before my suicide. But, this visit made me realize what problems my death would bring to them. So without any force, but motivated by my parents I decided to start my process again: psychiatrist, psychologists, etc.
In truth, I thought and I still think how difficult it will be to recover from this depressive episode. I went from a positive to a negative end, because I had just graduated with honors from the top university in business in my country and managed to have a good job. However, I get this fucking depressive episode that has me 3 weeks at home without being able to recognize me. I don't feel like anything, and I wish life was not so unfair to me, because I don't deserve it! Nobody deserves it !!
I would appreciate your words,
A hug.
J
Written by
Tuto5
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I am sorry you are having a difficult time now. I was terribly depressed and was encouraged by someone on this site to take small steps. I was doing absolutely nothing ( was staying in bed) except for taking care of my pets. I had decided I would be better off dead. It was scary to feel that way. I thought I could never recover from my latest episode but slowly I was able to pull myself out of it. I eventually did something and then the next day did something else. So try tiny small steps. I had felt like nothing too.
You can recover from this. Did you feel a let down after you graduated ? You worked hard, did well, and got a good job. I know you quit the job, however all is not lost and you will get another. Plenty of people don’t immediately start working right after graduating so you probably will not have to explain the lapse. Use this time to take care of yourself and figure out why you got depressed. If you have to support yourself, geta job eventually, something that is less pressure til you get it together again.
I am glad your family cares and that you are going back to your psychologist, and psychiatrist. Be sure they are taking you seriously. Did you tell them you wanted to kill yourself and thought you wanted to try inpatient care to help yourself as a last effort ? There are many meds out there for depression which can be helpful. If you still feel that you need to be admitted, make them or find someone else who will take you seriously. Because depression is a serious illness.
Good luck managing this. There are many things that are not fair, but we got stuck with depression. It is tough, however you are not alone. People on this site care and do want to help. Keep posting so we know how you are. You are not alone. Hug. ❤️
Thanks a lot for your words Poodie. It really help me!
It's so hard to feel all these negative things, but I promise I will try small activities and cultivate a positive mindset.
Yep, the last days I was thinking it's no too bad. Maybe I can give a positive approach to this experience. I quit my job because it doesn't like me, but I still can looking a better, but I know step by step.
Your words, also let me remember the importance about clear message i have to give for professionals.
This disorder can be crippling and terrifying and it can make us feel hopeless and desperate for some relief. Suicide is not the answer - hang in there one day at a time and don't give up on yourself. The proper medication and counselling can be life changing. You are loved and you can feel better! We are here to support you!
I agree with you, it's so difficult live with these problems. But live one day at a time is a good way to overcome all. We have to be positive and patient.
Thanks for your last words. I will also be here to support you!
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