Family isn't there for me

[Indiegal]

I've been feeling really unsupported from my sister lately. I went off my anxiety and depression meds because they were making a digestive disorder worse about a month ago and I've been struggling with a lot on top of my depression. My sister, who used to be my best friend (and who I moved back to my hometown to be closer to her and her kids), just doesn't make any time for me or even ask me anything about my life anymore. She just expects me to go to her kids sporting events but doesn't even talk to me while I'm there. I've been really hurt by how she doesn't even act like she cares about me, not to mention it doesn't help that my depression is worse off the meds. She hadn't talked to me all week and then texted me something insignificant so I finally let it out about how she doesn't even know anything going on in my life and doesn't care about me anymore. Her only response was "I'm sorry" which felt very insensitive to not then ask what was going on with me after I opened the door and I haven't heard from her since. I'm really hurt and don't know how to deal with this.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry. I can very much relate in a way. I’m the youngest of 4 siblings. One sister passed in 2009. Dad died in 2014. I never recovered from his death, Mom died 16 months later in 2016. I’m struggling with what’s known as complicated/complex grief.

I have a sister and brother, but neither have been in my life now since Mom passed. I get that they’re involved with their own lives. But my brother and I were extremely close, then he became cruel to me just before Mom died and completely tore me up afterwards and we haven’t been in contact since. My sister and I, despite never having any animosity between us, have never been close to begin with, we’re completely different people. I’m very sensitive, she’s stoic.

I’ve been dealing with emotional abuse, depression, anxiety, the complex grief. The year after Mom passed I confided in my sister about some of the things that I had gone through that led me to taking 8 Ativan in a matter of 2-2 1/2 hours and ending up in the ER. Never once did she ask me if I was ok, never once did she follow up with me after.

She and all of her kids, my nieces and nephews, live within 2-20 minutes away from me. I’m not part of their lives.

My parents were my support system, they were always there for me, my kids.

I’ve got nothing now.

My daughter is a senior dance major at a performing arts school, is graduating in June. My parents never missed a performance of hers. Nobody from the ‘family’ comes to see her perform. Ever.

I cry every day, every night. I can’t begin to describe the horrible heartache I feel.

Please know that you are not alone.

[Indiegal in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate you sharing your story and I'm sorry you've gone through all that as well. It does help to know I'm not alone, although it makes me sad to hear you're hurting too. And I'm sorry that your family doesn't come to your daughter's performance. If we lived close I would love to come.

Coincidentally my dad also died in 2014 and it's been hard for me too. I used to think his mental abuse when I was younger is the major source of my mental illness. He changed a lot later and was the most supportive person in my family the last 10 years or so and was my go-to person to talk to. I've missed talking to him a lot lately. After he died I realized the negative way my sister treated me my whole life probably has had more of an impact on my depression than anything. My mom is still around and is trying to be there for me cause she knows I'm frustrated with my other heath issues and my job, but she doesn't know about my depression (long story but she made it clear to me years ago she had a stigma about me seeing a psychiatrist so I knew I could never talk to her about it) so I can't talk to her about that. She's one of those people who say to just smile and be happy and don't rock the boat so she kind of doesn't take my issues with my sister seriously and thinks I need to "stop being so sensitive" (something my parents and sister always say to me.)

The funny thing, up until a few months ago I did everything for my sister's boys and went to all their games and school events. I still go to some but the boys have learned from their mother and don't appreciate me anymore either. That probably breaks my heart even more than my sister because I live for them. I feel very selfish and I know my family would say that too, but maybe it's time for me to back away for awhile and concentrate on me.