Agoraphobia

[Ml601]

Anyone have symptons of having agoraphobia and still try to live a normal life? I'm not diagnosed but I have so much fear when it comes to the outside world it might just be my social anxiety idk but I have to get a job and I'm so afraid of being around people, I feel incapable of being able to be normal. It's just so many overwhelming emotions and thoughts that go through my head daily. I know this post is all over the place and I apologize for that. Im just tired of feeling all of this.

[Hidden]

Yes I can feel very similar...some days I can excel in going out but others I just truly can’t face it...I don’t beat myself up about the days that aren’t easy any more and that helps..gradually I have improved so much, I still can struggle , it has taken time and patience..we can get to a stage were we can manage it and manage to have a life, around our limitations, it does take time and patience and whatever else we need to encourage and nurture us back...therapy helped me and meditation too..

Sorry for your struggles right now ..🌺

[Ml601 in reply to Hidden]

I just started seeing a therapist again and I'm hoping that will help me but it's so deep rooted im afraid I don't have the time to work on myself I just have to jump in to some thing's but I get this feeling of disaster like I'm not ready but then again I'm not sure I ever will be. I can't even talk to my own family or hold a conversation with people. How am I going to work around people like that?

[Lazy_dog_lover]

You are not alone in feeling this way. I am job hunting, too, but after 4 nightmare jobs, I am not able to write the cover letter and go to an interview. I love my alone time. When I lost a job I really thought would be a good fit and I worked hard to prepare for, I actually went back to a job I had in college, over 30 years ago. It was familiar. It was comfortable. It let me rebuild my relationship with people (on most days people are good, some are real jerks) I got a thicker skin for BS. It is at an amusement park where some days there are 30,000+ people there. One on one is tougher for me. But I rebuilt my ability to walk amongst strangers and my confidence in myself because I know it all so well. We are on winter break right now, but I am excited to jump back in.

[Ml601 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

I've never had a real job before so I suppose that's another reason why I'm so afraid it's very new and I struggle with anything new I don't like changes. I've applied but im so afraid for that phone call and even more an interview. It's like part of me hopes I don't get a call but then that means I won't get a job and I'll end up homeless. I just started seeing a therapist but I can feel my family getting tired of me not working. I feel I don't have much time which adds more pressure.

[Braveheartman]

Couple things. Do you have a therapist? Have you researched social anxiety? I’ve found the mire I understand what’s going on and some helpful baby steps I could take I started feeling brave to at least get out. There is a great book I found at Barnes and noble called overcoming social anxiety. It was the beginning for my healing. Good luck and praying for you

[Jeff1943]

Ml601, you have nothing to fear outdoors. It's safe out there and has so many pleasurable experiences waiting to be enjoyed.

Nerves sense when we're feeling anxious so they try to help by making us want to retreat into a 'safe zone'. Which of course is no help at all but that's the way our nervous system can react and has reacted for a million years. Hence agoraphobia.

It's the same thing with social anxiety: our nerves sense our anxiety and mistakenly believe that we're threatened by other people - so it sends us a message to 'beware' of them. Hence social anxiety.

So the problem isn't with dangers that await outdoors or dangers from other people, it's just our nervous system trying to help and getting it all wrong!

There's an answer to the problem of nerves sending us dumb messages.

First, we have to ask ourselves what has made our nerves over sensitive in the first place? Over work, toxic relationships, grief, loss, disappointment: there are so many possibilities that can trigger the problem.

So the first thing to do is to identify which stress factor applies to us and neutralise it. That may require drastic action on our part: not easy, but nowhere near so hard as putting up with agoraphobia and social anxiety year after year.

Once we've dealt with the cause of our anxiety it still leaves our nervous system over sensitised. That sensitivity is maintained by the fear we feel every time we think about going out or mixing with other people.

Once we understand why our nerves play these tricks on us it stops us feeling bewildered. The next step is to understand how people can stop ending up as prisoners in their own homes - and stop denying themselves the pleasure of the company of others.

To do that we need to deal with the fear that we feel when we go outside or mix with people. And the fear of the fear we expect to feel.

One method that has proved successful over the years is based on acceptance. We go outside and we accept the bad feelings when they come. Or we mix with people and accept the discomfort our nerves are creating. We accept all the symptoms for the time being knowing full well that no danger awaits outside and people are not going to upset us in any way.

But the Acceptance must be genuine. It's not the same as 'just putting up' with the bad feelings. We must not fight the bad feelings in any way because fighting causes more stress, strain and anxiety. Any form of resistance is out!

We should stop checking every few minutes to see if the bad sensations are still there. Actually we need those bad sensations to practice Acceptance on. So we just open our front door and walk knowing that because we accept the feelings of agoraphobia we are beginning the process that eventually leads to recovery. We aren't going to collapse: even if our knees feel like jelly they will still get us to where we want to go and back.

By accepting the bad feelings we feel less need to fear them - and fear is what is keeping our nerves over sensitised.

It's the same with social anxiety: do the hard thing and mix with others. You don't need to hog the conversation, far from it, just smile at everybody, laugh at their jokes and tell them what they want to hear. Do that and accept the bad feelings for the moment. As fear diminishes so will our anxiety in social situations.

The acceptance method for respite and recovery from agoraphobia and social anxiety takes time to work. But with practice and perseverance it will allow us to reclaim the great outdoors and our place in the community.