Feeling better. Why can’t I trust it?

[Coloradowalker]

I have felt better over the past couple of weeks. Much of this is due to me pushing and challenging myself to be active and engaged even when I feel anxious or down. My psychiatrist has been encouraging this for months but I was so pissed to be in this episode that I didn’t value how much work I would have to put into this to actually pull out of it. I’ve reconnected with friends, have exercised more, have a little bit better appetite, have decreased my ambien to 2.5 mgs from 5 mgs at night and have been more present with my husband and kids.

Why do I not trust that this will last? Feels like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have felt like poop for 5 months so I think I’m so used to feeling that way and waking each morning expecting it to be a struggle. Always on guard for the heart to start racing and the thoughts to start circling.

There are times that I truly cherish and hold on to and use as reminders that I will be healthy again. I was at my daughters swim meet on Saturday and literally felt calm and excited and like “me.” I wanted to bottle that feeling and have it forever. Trying to focus on being grateful and acknowledging each bit of progress. I am hopeful that I and we will continue to return to peace. ❤️❤️

[Poodie]

Hi Colowalker.

I think I know how you feel. I was badly depressed for a while a short time ago. I then joined this sight. I finally started to push myself and gradually I started to feel better. However, I still feel and fear that I will become that depressed again. It really scared me.

I think the further we move away from that depressed time the easier it will be to keep on course to feeling better. It is too recent in our minds and and I can still remember how awful I felt and how damn hard it was to begin to recover. I just did not want to do anything. I can feel that feeling of depression hanging over me still. I think I remember it too well.

I think a little more distance will help and we will start to separate ourselves from it, form better habits, and have better ways to help ourselves. I decided I needed to work on recognizing what may have happened to add to me feeling so depressed. I hope to pick the beginning of the depression up sooner and take some action to help myself more quickly instead of giving up and letting it take over me. I want to catch it sooner if or when there is a next time. Meanwhile writing on here has helped too.

Post and let us know how you are doing.

[Coloradowalker in reply to Poodie]

Thanks for your reply, Poodie. Yes, I think we come to expect to feel this way. And with my anxiety, I’ve learned that I cannot sit idle and ruminate and isolate and be in my head too much. As hard as it is, I have to be out with others and exercise and engage and always glad that I’ve done it. It’s a work in progress!! Hope you are well. So glad we have the support of each other.❤️

[Poodie in reply to Coloradowalker]

Thank you. Me too . Good luck to us to carry on. It is a work in progress.