It'S been a rough day for me

[Billsfriend]

My wife cosigned

for a credit card for her son in 2004. His girlfriend charged the card up to the limit, and didn"t make a payment for 8 months. Her credit score went down by 100 points. We are out $3800 plus interest, money we don't have.

My sister cheated me out of $2500 from my father's estate.

My wife wants me to just forget about both these items, I will not tolerate anyone stealing from me. I'm 65 now and planning to go back to work because we don't have enough money to live in retirement.

The worse thing is that instead of helping me she fights against me, throwing up roadblocks every inch of the way. I know that I will be attacked in life, I can deal with that, but what really infuriates me is having to fight her too.

I did do pretty good today though, his girlfriend scream, and cussed at me, putting her face in mine, she even pushed me, trying to provoke a fight. I am proud of myself for walking away and not letting her goad me into a fight.

Still I am really angry with my wife, I did yell at her a little, which I regret, but that is all.I am just learning to control my emotions, including anger, and I don't yet have a month clean. So it is hard to understand why she would sabotage me like this.

Actually I know that she cannot stand conflict, unless it's with me, I don't really think she can help herself.. My chest and stomach hurt because I am soo angry, I know that my anger will maim and kill me if I don't get a hold of myself.

I am just looking for some feedback.

Kind feedback please, I'm trying to settle down, not get more angry.

I read a comment someone wrote to another telling them to stop whining, and that they need to grow up.

That's why I say kind feedback, I understand that feedback isn't always going to be sugar sweet, and that's fine.

[LordKnowsImTrying]

Can you file fraud charges on the gf for misusing the card? That might reduce the debt owed.

[Billsfriend in reply to LordKnowsImTrying]

I could with support from my Wife's Son, I guess.

But I can't take the chance of alienating him.

We only see him a couple times a year, causing my wife much hurt. His girlfriend has been systematically alienating from friends and family. It's hard to understand her power over him, but it is very strong. I think it best to bide my time, and help him to see things more clearly! He inherited $200k a couple years ago, I don't have any proof of where it went, but he does know it's gone. That is almost 10 Years wages after taxes for him!

[Depressedoptimist]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much. Things are so messy when family is involved. There seems to never be a simple solution to anything. Hopefully the girlfriend is out of everyone’s life sooner than later. What a domino effect she’s had. What is she doing using someone else’s card?? And then to yell at the person who’s paying for it... it’s beyond me. Good for you for keeping your calm as she tried to provoke you. Maybe try to ask your wife, kindly, to acknowledge the stress this is putting on you. It’s worth a shot. Family usually drives us all crazy more often than not but these horribly messy relationships do have a purpose in our lives. Hoping it gets a bit easier for you.

[Billsfriend in reply to Depressedoptimist]

Thank you, I am more worried about Matt, because she is so manipulative. When my other daughter in-law complained about her husband, she actually suggested that she should grind up Zanax and put it in his drink!

When I googled her name I learned that she had been involved in an interstate drug ring bilking Medicare for drugs. Which they sold.

Her previous boyfriend committed suicide by cop.

There's more, but that's the worst of it. We are all scared for Matt.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry. The co sign is dine. It’s very rough but she believed her son. You should go out for coffee in public and sit with her and ask her how she feels about what he did to her. Turn the tables around. Say it’s a cross to bare fir her and give her a chance to not be defensive and work together on finding a way to make Payments together and deal with the son. She needs to be part of the change and I think finding ways to unburden her guilt and reality of her behaviour of loving son the wrong way her Cant handle money. You can just say it really hurt you and caused you pain and really need her and support to work together. Kindness.

[Dolphin14]

It's a tough spot to be in. I'm sure your wife is very upset about it.

The girlfriend sounds like a piece of work. I wouldn't allow her back in my home after the disrespect she showed.

Does your son work? He needs to start paying that bill. It was his card. His responsibility.

[hypercat54]

Hi I agree with Dolphin. The real issue isn't with the gf but with your wife's son. He is the one who abused his mother's kindness and let his gf use and abuse her financially.

It is your sons choice to be with this woman so put the blame fairly and squarely where it belongs instead of pitying him. He is the one who should be paying your wife back instead of squirming and hiding behind his gf. Maybe he has never learned to take responsibility for his own behaviour? x

[Dolphin14 in reply to hypercat54]

👍

[Billsfriend]

Thanks for all the excellent advice. Actually my wife is in communication with Heather believing that she is her only hope to ever see her son again.