Feeling Inadequate​

[the_easy_way_out]

So I haven't posted on here in a while. The last time I posted I felt a little attacked like I had to censor my feelings because someone reading my post didn't like how I was putting MY FEELINGS. so after months of being inactive, I wanted to give this website another try. Recently I have been feeling alone and out of character. I can't figure out the exact words for what I'm feeling but those two are the closest watered-down version of what I'm feeling. I don't want to try and go into details of what I'm feeling because I tend to think of words that I think people want to hear. It usually never describes what I am exactly feeling and always gets overlooked. I have extreme anxiety and for the last month and a half, I have been shaking none stop. I can't control my anxiety and I have an idea of whats controlling it. Recently I noticed I have felt distant towards my "friends". I feel that no one ever checks on me. like they can tell I'm going through something and I feel ignored and constantly have to swallow my pride or contain my feeling whenever they are going through something. Currently one of my "friends" is depressed and I'm torn because apart of me wants to help her but another part of me is dealing with my own stuff. I feel like my feelings are constantly put aside for other people who don't do the same for me. I am tired of being in the hearts of people instead of their minds. I also feel that she has more than enough people to help her cope with her feelings and I'm stuck with no one. I have a hard time talking and expressing my feelings to people because I always feel like they are going to leave me or throw what I am going through in my face. Or they just don't think about me until I'm needed. Or until I insert myself in a situation but that's a bad feeling in itself. My "friend" has everyone to check up on her and I have noone. IDK. But this is just a little part of what I'm feeling. There's a lot more but this is what's bothering me at this moment.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I’m glad you are giving the site another chance. There are many people here who will be accepting and caring. But you have to keep posting. Don’t give up.

I think all of us know the feelings of perceived abandonment when it seems like no one reaches out to us. I know I do. But the way I choose to deal with that is to self advocate by being the one to reach out to others. I make my own misery when I’m expecting people to come to me. Then I get angry. Then depressed. Feeling sorry for myself. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Spending time thinking about how other people have things (and friends) that I don’t puts me in a very selfish state and consequently denies me self care. I can care for myself by trying to help others and get out of my own way.

If you don’t want to help this particular friend, find somebody else to reach out to to help. Even if it’s just here on this site. There are plenty of people suffering here, worse than me.

Like I said, keep posting.

[Oneseedatatime]

Glad you decided to continue to seek support!

Taking into consideration everything that you have shared, here's some food for thought...

What action have you taken to address what is causing this anxiety?

Have you considered counseling? It would redirect your attention from what you feel you are not getting from friends and or family and it would be a neutral support.

Have you thought about intentionally (through any pain and or frustration) made efforts to try and support those that are experiencing what you are for a while (this may relieve some anxiety as it would get your attention away from you)?