I don’t get it.... my dream is to have a family and kids. Yeah I have other aspirations but if I’m being honest nothing means more than that to me. I have been put through the wringer and I may only be 20, but I know my experience and myself. My heart can’t take nor deserves heartbreak anymore. I’d rather stick it out to the end to enjoy a life with the person, but we are off and on. I see potential and I’m not giving up. But everyone around me says let go and focus on your career. I DONT WANT A CAREER THAT MAKES ME MONEY I JUST WANT A WOMAN THAT I CAN LOVE AND SUPPORT AND SOON HAVE A FAMILY!!! I may be 20 but I’ve known I wanted this for as long as I’ve been alive and I’m not gonna search. I just don’t understand why I can’t escape the doubt.... it kills me and I don’t want to keep bouncing to different women. I haven’t had a relationship over 3 months and it’s embarrassing. I just don’t understand why society thinks that someone’s dreams is with themselves. My dream is to give love to another woman and to have children. Idc if I’m poor I want that.
Society has a logic I don’t understand - Anxiety and Depre...
Society has a logic I don’t understand
I know this situation very well. I too have found myself in this situation with my partner right now. It's long distance (2 hours), he's a worthaholic, and he is making this situation very hard for me. It caused my anxiety to reemerge and I am stuck complementing whether or not I should end the relationship and free myself from this anxiety. I am 27 and I now know that I care more about my relationships than my own personal gain. I am stuck debating if I should see it through and hope my anxiety resolves with time since I do love him. My heart is saying to stick it through and not cause a heartbreak, but my head knows that it is making me sick.
I would say keep fighting. I always follow my heart and my head cleans up the messes if there are some
Even if it makes you sick?
I cared way more about my relationships than I did my self. I wasted so many years with depression. I wasnt able to live for my self. I depended on success of relationships to make me happy. But I was never finding success or satisfaction. I did a long distance too... that was a rough one. If you dont have trust that will make you worried sick.
My advice here is to step back and take a closer look at him. Is he as in love with you as you are with him? He may be so involved with work because he is trying to get himself to a place where he feel comfortable enough to start a family or buy a ring. Talk to him and get down to the thoughts he's not sharing. You may find he's just having fun with you or you may find he is preparing for your future together. But not having that serious conversation is causing you pain. Sit him down and tell him you want to talk. Find out what is going on. Don't just sit back and let things happen to you. Find out so you can move on or move forward with him.
I relate to this a lot, my biggest/ main dream in life is to be a mother and a girlfriend wife and have that family. I feel so strongly that it is somehow what my purpose is and it’s very difficult for some people to understand that although it shouldn’t be. I’m 18 and have felt this way since I was about 13, perhaps a little younger. Everyone has different views on what is most important in life and some like us are more family oriented whether that be because we were raised and belong to a warm welcoming family or long to feel like a part of one (like me). There is so much doubt around being sure of wanting a family when you’re young which is ridiculous. Sorry I’m not much help but you’re not alone in your thinking. I get a lot of judgement, criticism and disbelief if I mention this to most people. I hear a lot of ‘you’re only young’ as if that means I should be going out getting my heart broken and my body taken advantage of for ‘fun’. A big part of this is how quickly some people mature whilst also that women mature quicker than men do. A lot of people take this to another level and believe that a young man can’t be ready for that commitment and should be out partying and sleeping with an endless supply of drunk girls. Will never understand how there is still this idea that we were all made with the same cookie cutter and placed in the same category when there are so many factors that can contribute to ones maturity, personality, dreams etc. Of course, when supporting a family it is important to make sure you’re financially stable so money should be a concern, however a career certainly does not need to be your priority in life or your dream just because it is for someone else.
Thank you this helped me
Patience is a virtue. Life is funny that way. You will find your family. Keep the dream alive. Your family will find you when the time is right. It might not hurt to focus a little on your career for now. You never know the person for you might be lurking around the corner.
It’s not like I’m not doing that I just get bored doing things just for myself. I pay my bills and that’s it. This is not a life I want to maintain. I’m ready for that girl and I’m pretty sure she’s in my life rn it’s just complicated but I’m committed to letting go of the fear of loosing her
Boy, you have hit the nail on the head! I applaud you for knowing your own self...the trick, though, is finding that match to your ideal...
I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that Fate loves to either pull the rug out from under all of us, or shove it back under our feet, when we least expect it...
In the meantime, "finalize" your work skills (you want to be able to still offer the best stability that you can, when you do have a family) so that you are financially stable, for your age group...and, maybe beyond that.
Who knows? You could be inheriting a spouse/family that has medical/financial issues, already. If you can step in to help those you love, with your strengths and resources, ALL THE BETTER!
Everyone is impatient at 20, to get things going...I know I was. Thing is, though, it's all a balance between timing and skills/experience with the life you already know. Kind of a weird trapeeze act...
Blessings for your honesty and determination, and good luck on your path! Keep us posted!
Slow down and enjoy the life you have right now. I know it sounds cliche. But hear me out. First, I am 47 and have been married for 26 years (coming up in a couple days actually). I have two kids that are old enough to be out of the house but they're still here. I have lived the life you want. I love my husband very much and he loves me. Now here is the kicker. It's hard sometimes. As of this last year it was really hard. Life can throw some really painful and nasty shit your way. So, you say your current girl may be the one but you are having to work at it so it seems. Just think about the tough times that might come your way and know that they will be harder than you think. Make sure. Make sure you are 110% in love with this girl before you make that commitment. Not just you but her as well. She needs to be 110% in love with you. There should be absolutely no doubt in your mind. None of this might have potential stuff. Now this is hard to hear when your dream relies heavily on having a mate. So ask yourself this...do you really want the life of your dreams to happen on your timeline when you might potentially end up divorced or do you just want your dream? Give it time. I know it feels like the clock is ticking but you are not alone and these days people are getting married later in life. I got married at 21 (only just able to drink at my own wedding) which was considered a wee bit young then and my husband was 26. I'll close by saying that your dream life will come. You just have to stop trying to force it. Enjoy your life and the love of your life will come and see your love for life and want to share it with you.
Enjoying my life to me is having a family not going out and doing things by myself. The world is a huge place and I want to share it with someone. Doing things for me and myself is pointless
3 months..... is NOT a long time. My fiance was single for 2 years before we got together. In that 2 years he got through training and finding a job. One day youll see how timing feels like fate. I hated being alone too. But as I got serious with my fiance I wished so bad I had taken a good 6 months or a year to focus on myself. Then I would have walked into the relationship without any baggage from ex's.
Im 31 and just learned self love for the first time.
Do what makes you happy. But do not depend on relationships to make you happy. I made that mistake and no relationship satisfied me.... because I wasnt satisfied with myself.
You see you’re like everyone else. I don’t find joy in doing things for myself and I don’t think that’s a mistake. I do things for love. I don’t care about money and a good title. Love and family is all I need in my life. I’m fine with myself I just know a life without love is a life I don’t wanna live
I understand you are passionate!! I am not like "everyone else" Ive learned through my own experiences about life. I believe in love, Im engaged to be married. But for me, I wish I had worked on myself a long time ago. You can not rush anything. Good things take time, love and care.
Hope you find what youre looking for.
Best of luck.
It’s been enough time and I work on myself everyday but shit still happens to me. Barely anything good happens to me
Your preaching to the choir!
Ive been let down by every single family member. Ive been through abuse, parents hating eachother, alchoholics.
Life is full of tough stuff.
We have to find the strength inside of us to choose happiness.
It sounds like you believe the key is a relationship.
I see it from your perspective because Ive been like you.
Some day youll find someone who fits into your world perfectly. Someone who allows you to grow as a person and loves you just the way you are. ❤ when I met my love at age 27, it was like the stars alligned and everything in the world was right. Love is beautiful. But, not just that kind of love. SELF love is just as important, if not more important.
Everyone thinks I don’t have self love I’m going to therapy psychiatry and everything to try to help
Thats great. One day at a time. In darkness we want quick fixes and fast relief from our pain.
But the best thing you can do, is advocate for yourself. This is your life. Remember that.
Hi everybody. Unfortunately life is like that. I can understand you guys feelings. The society should never "decide" what so we want to do with our lives. Relationships are though in general. We are talking about intimacy etc between 2 human beings. 1) we are all imperfect. There's no such thing as perfection. 2) the society "tells you" something like marriage, job etc, 3) don't listen the society. In my opinion each should focus in himself of herself ( be a bit selfish) until you get a job, or study or volunteer ( it has to be something you definitely enjoy). About the relationships for the single ones... it will happen, love will happen for sure....for the commited is even thouger maintain a healthy relationship. I believe the trick is to find someone as imperfect as us ...I think that's the trick for love. The society and media should keep their mouth shut . Follow your instincts....follow your guts. Ask yourself: this boy or girl deserves a shot? Will we be perfect for each other even imperfect? As for the married or commited ones: does this relationship is over? Is it worth it? How about the kids? What's the pro and cons on being in this marriage? Tough decisions I wish I had the answer but I don't. We are in general very complicated and emotional . I am not judging just telling that we are capable of the best and the worst. Look at us. We are the number 1 species ( intelligent , digitally advanced, we appreciate, music, poetry, art etc., We are fierce defending our family, kids, etc. ) We put the man on the moon, we are close to find another earth like planet etc. We are good really good. On the other side of the coin we dig oil to feed our cars, we star wars for gold, oil etc. We destroy trees , and we are guilty in terms of climate change. Conclusion: we are brilliant but also primitive. And also comes up when we are in relationships. Maybe the trick is having more emotional control . Sorry for the test and my views ( and my English) .
Is it wrong that focusing on myself is pointless. It brings me sadness to be honest. It makes me feel like I have no friends and even though I’m me no one will like that
You need to focused on your well-being. That's the first thing to do . Be a bit selfish in improving and treat yourself properly . The better you feel the better you will give and share with the others also. That's my opinion. In the end of the day it is your choice. Book an appointment with a psyquiatrist. That saved my life
I am seeing a psychiatrist, therapist, try to do something I enjoy for work in swim coaching, do music to make a career, and I try to work on myself everyday. But I refuse to be selfish and cut others out that aren’t manipulative. It’s happened to me and I refuse to do that. Even after all that people just don’t even want a part of me and are so distant. I’m weird, but I’m not changing that for anyone, but at the end of the day I just want love and good and healthy friends that actually put effort in
When I say selfish is on a way that take care of yourself a bit more which seems you are doing it.
I hate the word selfish it brings negative connotations. So my thing is I have a lot of heartbreak and I have a lot of hurt feelings, but I know I deserve someone who’s going to treat me right and I vibe with. My thing is she’s very unclear about her feelings and doesn’t communicate well about emotions. But it’s really hard to see all my friend s who are younger than me have long lasting relationships when my longest is 3 months. I’m not comparing, I’m just saying where is my chance for that? I’m sick and tired of dealing with all this heartbreak and loosing feeling and I’m waiting for the right person to be put in my life and rn that looks like the girl I’ve been on and off with
Give a chance to a relationship. Bear in mind that not u, her or anyone else will be perfect. The question is: will you both with all the imperfections be perfect for each other? Maybe your not long standing relationships is simply because it was meant to be like that. Keep trying. You will find the one for sure
I’m so tired I wanna die cuz all I do is do everything I’m supposed to do but it’s exhausting and I find no joy in doing shit for myself
First of all you are 20 and crying about love. Yes. that must be a first.
Humans live longer now. We can actually do more than just reproduce in 80yrs of life.
And frankly women like men who have more aspirations than just sex and kids. Being overtly attached is just not attractive. Women maybe feel they will have YOUR problems on top of their own problems.
This is why women find men with careers, hobbies, goals attractive.
.
I personally find it rather logical, that noone wants extra problems in their lives, especially when they come via relationships. You know what they say - two people should enhance each other further.
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