Holidays

I'm getting anxious knowing the holidays are around the corner. I'm back to staying up late on my days off work. I just spend alot of time watching anything online. I'm tired i know I need to sleep but I can't. I used to have bad days even bad months but I would snap out of it. But around this time last year I started losing control of how i felt. My anxiety became worse and then by december i was deep in my depression. I felt sick of the holidays i felt I needed all to just end. I used to decorate my house on the outside but last year i wasn't looking forward to it. I remember that Christmas passed and the first person I open up to my depression was my younger sister. I remember having the knot in my throat speaking to her about my feelings the same knot that is currently stuck again in my throat. I just want to cry and for someone to hold me. Because honestly I feel im breaking into pieces. I don't want to tell my friends im going back down to the same rabbit hole. I don't want them to say we can fix it. Not this time, I want someone to say look i know you are i loosing it again im here that's all I need. Once I again I wish the holidays would just end. But of course the holidays are not the problem they are an excuse. The truth is realizing no matter how hard I try to hide my sadness it will come back stronger each time

[Hidden]

Hello LonelyStar27. I think having depression around Christmas is one of the worst times to have it. People sound so happy and if you are feeling low it makes you feel really left out. Is there anything you can do now before Christmas comes so you are better equipped this year? I was wondering if you could seek therapy to help you with your low mood.