This might sound crazy but I honestly have no one to spend the upcoming holidays with furyher more no one to spend anytime with....Its really really hard i love Christmas i have a tree i plan to put up because the lights but the scard fact is im afraid at 47yrs old imgoing to end up by myself for the rest of my life
How do I get through holidays alon - Anxiety and Depre...
How do I get through holidays alon
35 Replies
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More than any other time of the year, the holidays tend to bring out that
loneliness in people. Thinking of holidays past, remembering what it use
to be like. Eventually, we all become alone through the years as loved ones
pass on. But at 47 Kann, the rest of your life is still before you. Mental illness
does not have to be a lifetime sentence once we accept it, not fight it and find
what works for us best.
I use daily meditation and breathing. I'm always finding different approaches
to anxiety. Once we get control of our thoughts back, the physical symptoms
disappear and we become our own person again. Life is full of unexpected
surprises. People come into our lives for a reason. Believe in that this can and
will happen for you. When you least expect it, you will not be alone anymore.
If it is meant to be, you will be in the right place at the right time. Right now,
the negative thoughts are taking over. They are just thoughts not reality.
Stay positive my friend. 
xx
in reply to Agora1
Its not easy ... You are right we are not our mental illness its hard to be positive i feel so far out of touch its scary.
Agora1 in reply to
I know Kann, I understand how frightening these feelings can be both physically
and mentally. When I was agoraphobic, I really thought I had lost touch with reality.
I had never been like that before or knew anyone who was. There weren't any
forums around for me at that time, so every step I took was by myself.
The thing is to never quit. Don't stay stuck in a never ending cycle of fear. It goes
no where. Anxiety is a mind playing game. Our thoughts create the physical symptoms.
We tend to get bound to the lies our subconscious mind is telling us. Once we retrain
our brain in not fearing these lies, we will gain more control of our lives.
My go to is YouTube..I found this video the other day and think you might get something
out of it. Take a look when you get a chance. "Learn How to Control Your Mind (Use this to Brain Wash Yourself) by Fearless Soul. Excellent example how we are truly
in control of our thoughts and actions. xx
in reply to Agora1
I use YouTube fir aniimal therapy. I will look that up. Question on here h9w can i keep intouch with you how do i pin or follow you? Your postive responses are great
Swan-Natasha2019 in reply to
Hi I’m swan I feel just the same scared that I’m going to be all on my own,
I recently had a mirror fall on my leg I had to have stitches and now I’m in a lot of pain in my leg and disk, I feel so scared and angry at the same time, I’m suffering from severe depression and anxiety don’t know if I’m coming or going, each day is a struggle for me. I don’t have any friends as I find it hard to trust people. I feel so alone and empty inside.
in reply to Swan-Natasha2019
Hi thank you for reaching out its 433am here and for the padt two hrs ive been laying here in panic tears. Im sorry about your leg im here for you
Hi, I'm going through a change in my life justnow where I'm moving away from anything I dont think serves me well, theres an app called meet up and there is lots going on, different groups of people meet up depending on what the interest is, I've joined a meditation group next week, it's about going out my comfort zone, I've started dancing in the house to get my self positive, I've got to get comfy with the uncomfy, eat right, change my thoughts into positive and even if it's just getting out during the day a walk, it's better than lying in my depression. Good things take a bit of effort sometimes. We are too good to waste away. I'm gony get fit. Even in the slums we could turn it sweet, it's all perception. I panic and worry about stuff that I have no control over, its insanity. We can do anything we want really, invisible barriers stop us, it's an illusion, I watch what music I listen to now, put on positive affirmations at bed time. Am gony try everything I can to snap out of it, dont want to waste anymore time here, I wish you well.
in reply to Shiner19
I am on meetups Ive been in a hiking group. But again the anxiety is bad not only that most groups are often not very close by have any ideas?
Shiner19 in reply to
What about the meditation groups, theres other activity groups too, indoor activities, painting classes, theres a sobre one I've joined cuz booze depresses me further. I'm meditating justnow visualising myself doing backflips down the street lol.
in reply to Shiner19
Haha back flips yup booze will do that to ya lol....Right now meditating is out my concentration is not there. Were I live is hard to find groups zI will look again maybe one will be near. Back flips haha thanks for the little laugh
I feel the same hon, after 30 years of marriage and my husband divorced me.. this is my first holidays alone.. completely alone..😢
We should try to stick together on here and try to help each other and anyone else get through this next month in a half I feel very alone an empty
see my post alone ! I live alone, its great ! because I learned to like myself !
I live alone too and have been but its to lonely and sad
not crazy, sad..to many ppl feel the same kind of pain these dayz..I hope its gets better
I am dreading it too, first xmas without my dad and fell out with family as they were only interested in his money but actually cutting them out of my life helped but being alone doesn’t, recently broke up from boyfriend so plans are changed again but think we can help each other on here to get through the darkest patches xx
Have you thought about volunteering? I'm almost 44 and have been single most of my life and have gone through periods of loneliness. I've found that volunteering does wonders for my mood. I have volunteered regularly at a pet shelter, but also just any type of volunteer activity that got me out of the house and gave my time purpose. Who knows, maybe you'll make some new friends, but if nothing else, its always a good thing to help people/animals, etc in need. But I can absolutely relate, the holidays are very difficult.
Having always loved this time of year as a child I now dread it. I think maybe the commercialization of the Holidays showing people buying presents for everyone in their lives and all the movies of families getting together just brings to conscious when it is not like that for you. It's just a constant reminder until January. I think the idea of volunteering is a great idea but being depended on to be somewhere on a certain date and time is gambling because I cannot predict what mental condition I may be in on that day. The same goes for any planning for the future whether it be a vacation , a concert or any obligation that other people are expecting you to participate in.
People who have never experienced the anxiety and depression cannot imagine why you drop out at the last minute. It makes it hard to maintain friendships if they don't understand what you are up against.
I'm exactly the same. Social Phobia/Anxiety Disorder/AvPD or whatever you want to call it.
Been solo for long periods with little okay bits in between but years apart. It is hard to deal with holidays. Weekends, even evenings are bad enough. People out and about socializing. Occasionally there have been times when I bump into someone I once knew. Sometimes I've been lucky enough to spend a period of time with these people. Like 1 - 4 weeks even. But it never lasts. Some just get the picture and move on. Others are as bad as me and quickly go back into hibernation. I follow. Some even end up in hospital cos they can no longer cope themselves. I'm thinking they are just being ignorant. Like attracts like?
I get angry and confused. The usual unanswered questions: "why can't I do what they're doing? What do they have, or what do they know that I don't? What have I done or not done to deserve this?"
It often feels like punishment. I wrack my brain but no answers unless I think one up. Done that plenty of times!
Even knowing that others feel the same way never helps. Maybe for a split second.
I have a bd just around the corner. Dreading it. I semi-share the 1st floor in a large house. Have to share amenities like bathroom and kitchen. But we never socialize. Well, they might if they find themselves using the kitchen at the same time, or passing by in the hall or stairs. I sometimes hear them chatting and laughing. I've moved all my stuff out of the kitchen and into my room. Avoidance. I just hope I never told anyone when my bd is, but I can't remember.
We all mind our own business. I do see and chat with one of 2 brothers living in the room opposite. I call it 'plastic-chat'. Chatting just to avoid any awkwardness. But with them all knowing I have these 'issues' is pretty humiliating. If someone's irritable they can say that work or their GF is p**s**g them off. When it's me they all back away like I'm some loony. Labelled. Because I rarely leave my room.
The hardest part is keeping it all a secret and trying to find appropriate help at the same time. Nothing happens.
Meds are the only friends I have and they don't pay much attention either.
I try to keep up with seeing my father as much as I can. He's in his 70s. I try to go out to dinner somewhere with him twice weekly. I always struggle though. He's like me but has never considered himself to have any sort of illness. He's just found ways to deal with it. It's always difficult to talk with him as he doesn't talk much either. We end up on the roulette machine, then we seem to find a shared interest. I'm usually on my second drink by then so I'm more relaxed. But I hate drinking. Makes me even more depressed in the long run. Especially beer! Lager, Ale, Bitter. Hops are well known for causing 'Melancholy'. It's been known for centuries. So watch out for that one. You'll find it in many remedies for anxiety and sleep too. Avoid at all costs. Causes anorgasmia too, aka 'Brewer's Droop'! 
Some people seem to find some comfort from knowing others feel the same. I nearly said 'from knowing that they're not alone'. ROFL
I see a lot of myself in your reply. I scrolled up after I gave my little advice from my mom's pov bc I can't say I want to be around anyone really...
"The hardest part is keeping it all a secret and trying to find appropriate help at the same time. Nothing happens."
I mentioned that I've been seeing therapists for almost 20yrs. Smh the 1st 15yrs or so I'd go in, sit down, do the hi how are you? I'm ok how are you dance followed by the so why are you here where I struggled to say anything more than I'm different/not like other ppl so I get it. Nothing could happen.
Looking back I see a ridiculous amount of time I spent just trying to find my own damn voice but I found it and I'm just getting started.
Can't change much or so it seems but at least I won't be holding it all in anymore.
I'm also learning more about why I do the stuff I do & getting positive feedback from someone who understands (bout time) so there's that. I really just wanted to tell you I liked reading about you ... and you made me smile so thanks. 😊💕
I thought I should finish such a gloomy post with some tongue-in-cheek.
I seem to be completely clear as to why I'm like I am. Looking back it has been a gigantic waste of time. I haven't moved on. I've barely even matured, I can be quite childish at times. I don't exactly have multiple personalities, just a personality with several sides. Guises. It's always me playing the part.
Yours was a nice reply thanks.
I will be alone a lot during the holidays because of my family's work schedules. Nurses and firefighters don't get holidays off. Where you live is there any free community dinner on Christmas? Perhaps you could volunteer or just attend. Where I live even families with children go to the community dinner as they can't afford to make one themselves. If you attend say hello to people. You may be suprised to find you have things in common. By all means decorate and enjoy the decorations you love. As someone who has spent many holidays alone I worry I will always be alone too. I don't know where you live, I live in the eastern USA but I know I will spend part of my day here. I will be sure to wish you a Merry Christmas. My timing may be a bit off though lol
Hi, I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if this has been mentioned or if I'm missing the point. I don't go to church and I'm not a religious person and I don't like holidays personally but I can certainly understand and empathize w ppl who are lonely especially during the holidays.
My mom loves holidays and we talk but we're not close. She's in her late 50s now so she's not old, she's just not out there running the streets anymore and she was extremely lonely for a very long time.
She doesn't drive, she's a recovering drug addict, has lots of health problems and she has psychological & mental health issues.
Anyway, church has changed her life - not just from a religious standpoint but she's met so many ppl there and she goes to different churches all the time.
When she can't leave the house, ppl come to her. They do talk about god some but not all the time.
Some have groups that meet up and do things outside of church etc. But she meets ppl wherever she goes. I've met several of her friends from church over the yrs and there are the ppl who just love to help in the community that are there for her any way she needs them to and some are just like her I guess but now, she's never alone for holidays anymore. She goes to eat at 2 or 3 ppls houses every year or they bring her food and they come visit her all the time. Not just holidays.
She's been sick and almost died and these are the ppl who found her and made sure she went to the doctor or hospital... (Awful I know).
She gets bored and has ppl to call and ppl bring her gifts and food and take her places/just visit when she wants. She's different but they love her and know about her past and they're there for her.
Sometimes she's heavily medicated and I can't stand to be around her like that bc well I have c-ptsd & I have flashbacks and it's not good, it puts me in a dark place & I can't handle it. I only mention it bc the ppl I've met (some older, some younger than her) they dnt see her in a negative way at all.
I'm rambling but it's really incredible. They don't judge her, they're just there for her and they're not all very religious either js.
Even if you suffer from severe anxiety and depression or worse, if you can try to put yourself out there a little; even just to test the water a bit at a time so to speak, you can meet ppl who will accept you for you and be there for you.
I hate the thought of anyone being lonely but maybe you can start today in some small way to ensure you dnt feel that way forever.
I'd also see a therapist if at all possible. That's not a bad thing. I've been seeing therapists for almost 20 yrs.
I know this is long but it helps me to hear examples of how and why things work for others. Maybe bc I have trust issues lol. But I just wanted to share some of the the hows and whys so you can maybe see if my suggestions can help you.
I wish you luck and hope you find what you're looking for. ✌
And yes I looked at this for a long time bc I feel too exposed & want to delete it but I won't cause this is how I practice what I preach lol. Putting myself out there "in some small way".
I hope this isn't creepy, but just so you feel welcome around the holidays, do you happen to be anywhere near Greeley, Colorado? I would need to talk to my folks first, but maybe you could at least come over for Christmas Eve, if you're in the area? We have a dog who is aggressive with strangers, but we can keep him in the kennel as long as you don't try to pet him through the cage or anything dangerous. We usually eat a bunch of fancy snacks, go to a local UCC church, and watch A Christmas Story. Don't know if that's possible or if you're interested, but I would be more than happy to do this.
It must be difficult sharing a house when you feel you are being treated as
different with a mental health problem. Being alone can bring on anxiety and depression. Are there no family members you can write to, or chat to folk on the phone? There are medications which can make you feel less shy and wanting to socialise, but so many people live alone and feel just as you do. If you have classes for learning a language. flower arranging. reading poetry or even further education courses such as Open University you might find the opportunity to make new relationships and friends . Hope you can find out from the local council what there is available. Expect there are loads of hobbies such as photography, and craft you can find groups in your area. Good films .chocolate and food that is bad for you can help you relax. Going out to cafes can break up your day. You are only 47 and there are plenty of clubs for older people. Hope you buy that tree, decorate it, and ask your house mates to share a noggin near Christmas.
Maybe there's a local group you can join. When I got divorced I joined a singles group at a church for support. They have potluck suppers and other activities. There might be a group of people who share your interests. You can also get to know people through volunteering (libraries, animal shelters, hospitals, etc.). And you have us!
There's no real reason to believe that the way things are today is the way they will always be. Life changes too fast to keep up with at times.
A holiday alone is hard. I think winter holidays alone are the worst because the dark skies and cold days add to the feelings.
One thing that has helped me is to do something for someone you don't know. Buy a cup of coffee for a bell ringer. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Buy some nice but inexpensive gifts and drop them off on random porches just for fun. Is there a ski lodge near you? A day pretending to be learning to ski is healthy, fun, and cannot be completed without getting to know some of the other skiers. Take an evening stroll to see the decorations and greet people as you encounter them... anything that sounds like fun...reading some books to children at the library? Join a church or religious body?
I hope you find something to ease the pain .
I used to help at a homeless shelter soup kitchen. There’s a lot to be done at the holidays. I’m not really the small talk friendly kind of person but I love hearing their life stories and finding out the places they’ve been. Such interesting people. I had to stop due to my suppressed immune system but I miss it. My grown kids still do it. You will really enjoy yourself.
I’m so lonely too.. this is my first holidays alone since my husband divorced me. I miss my family so much.. I moved somewhere I shouldn’t have...not many options for me here. My adult kids are in different states too..wish I’d moved closer to one of them😭Made decisions under time limits and emotions..I’m 58 and being alone is so hard.. I’ve had some good days.. but today’s not one. Im so sorry to be such a downer during the holidays.. if you’ve read all of this.. I thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️😢
Hi SA:). U r not a downer. Lordy, I can so relate. I remember my divorce after 20 years of marriage. I remember having to make immediate decisions all the while trying to keep from falling apart. I'm 64 and alone too. Some folks enjoy the solitude but I miss the activity. I wish I could have a dog. But I'm gone a lot working. It's difficult to make friends with anxiety and depression knocking on our door.
I'm here if u ever want to chat. I know the Holidays can not be what we hoped. Hugs
Hi-So how did it go?
Wellbeing at Xmas-time can be hard..I'd had a pretty bad time-(several of 'em!)-following a bereavement&serious(family) illness and break-up (:Alot of sadness.To an extent,you hv to switch yr mind-set.
Progress can be made,and I've learned a few ways to this..So if you want t message me-no need to stay 'invisible'!Message me privately?
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