Where do I turn for help

[mom796]

I am a mother of 7 children . My husband is prior service... Army . He got out in 2015 when our military was downsizing . He was honorably separated. He has struggled with Anxiety , anger depression and bitterness since then . He had always been keyed up even when he was in the service and would go through cycles of loving his family and being supportive to being frustrated , resentful and dissociative from the love and affection given or that of the needs of his children . He flips between being loving and wanting to support activities with us to Being emotionally distant and even very cruel verbally toward me . At those times he can’t get far enough away from me and resents any small task I ask of him . Additionally there have been some issues over more than a decade to my knowledge of significant pornography addiction . His behavior toward me as a result has made it very hard to build any trust . I think I have developed some type of panic or anxiety disorder as a result of intimate abuse . I was 19 when I married him and had no other partners previously so never knew what was normal or if what I was feeling was like other people in relationships . I know he has made attempts in the past to correct his behavior , but continues to fall back into sexual addiction . I know there is a part of him that loves me and wants to make kind decisions , but his anger and bitterness almost consumes him and I do t know how to deal with the psychological and emotional roller coaster it is like to live with him . I never know wether he is going to take a simple setback with stride or if it will set him into this negative spin and then he is irritable no matter what else happens that day . I want to know if anyone has any knowledge of resources for me and my children to get help with living with a spouse that has addiction and the possible signs of PTSD I am now struggling g with from sexual and psychological abuse

[All_alone]

Hi Mom796. I'm so sorry that you and your children are having to deal with everything. Your post gives me the impression you feel you need to walk on eggshells. I'm widowed with no children but my marriage deteriorated a number of years before he passed. If your in the states have you tried a local veterans center for both of you as well as individually? I have tried many avenues trying to find help for my situation with a little success. You need to search for help where you live. I've seen flyers for different groups in my pharmacy. Possibly start with your doctor and he should be able to give you some suggestions. I think you'll find this site helpful and supportive (I have). Many hugs to you. ❤❤

[mom796 in reply to All_alone]

Thank you . That is very insightful . I had before only thought of the VA hospital which only treats the veteran , but I will call around tomorrow and see if any of the veterans centers offer help for myself and or the kids . It would help to know if other women have struggled with similar issues in their family and how they dealt with it .

[All_alone in reply to mom796]

I would say there are many other women dealing with similar issues. I didn't realize that the VA dealt with the veteran only since the entire family is involved with his/her struggles. I did find these online links which may help or give you some insight.

va.gov/family-member-benefits/

thehotline.org/help/

And if you hit a dead end please keep trying. Even if its calling the same number and speaking with another person the next day. Your doctor, pharmacist, VA, local womens centers, other soldiers wives, just please don't give up. You and your children are very worthy of love, kindness, respect and happiness. I'll be happy to chat more with you: our stories are different but we are trying to achieve similar goals.

[Careyon]

VA is a great start. I have some resources that may be helpful. Message me if you’re interested. Praying for you and your marriage.