I'm not trying to say we're not all doing well by giving advice or extending our sympathies to one another but I believe so much in tackling problems from the root, finding the main cause and eliminating it. Of course, this doesn't always work but it sure brings improvement. We all have worries but there's always that one great worry that it all comes down too. I beseech y'all to not just throw sympathies or give pieces of advice on how to subdue the pain till it comes again. Rather, let's do more by putting heads together and coming up with a plan to eliminate the root cause. Of course, it sounds impossible but making the world better starts by making a life better. One more thing, don't forget that we can't help you if you don't tell us what your main issue is and clue on our to help you. Remember, we're like family and this family isn't judgmental so please, help us help you and help yourself by helping others in return. I love y'all so much and y'all are special whether you see it or not. Stay gracious.
Advice and sympathy are great but... ... - Anxiety and Depre...
Advice and sympathy are great but... not enough.
Mine is fear of abandonment, jealousy because of insecurity, low self esteem ...I think those are the main problems I’ve identified through therapy.
What about you island?
I don't even know what I've really got. Yeah, I just feel it's depression but there's no diagnosis to that. Nobody is helping me, nobody is taking me seriously. But it's cool, I guess.
I would start there if I were you....getting to the root cause from a professionals diagnosis, and then go from there.
My parents were both anxious (due to their own tough childhoods) and taught me anxiety. I also didn't receive enough validation from my mother: nothing was every good enough, she didn't seem interested in anything I said or did.
From this, I think I developed a perfectionism. I always am trying to feel I'm doing "good enough" but it's almost always out of reach. When it *really* started to feel out of reach, that's when I started having anxiety attacks.
I feel that for me, recovery involves both looking at these things, but also knowing how to respond to them, as well as the everyday anxieties that pop up.
That is exactly why I did want to have any biological children because didnt want to pass my anxiety and panic issues to them. I dont want them to be like this. Yes I definitely struggle with being good enough and perfectionism and control which can be annoying to my loved ones.
Yeah, I recently sort of developed a fear of having kids, sigh. I kind of wanted to have them, but not right now, due to the anxiety stuff that has popped up. I fear I'll be a bad mom :/ Luckily my spouse is very understanding.
I'm glad your spouse is understanding and supportive
Me too....I never wanted a child of mine to go through the hell I did if anything happened that I could not take care of them....being moved from one home to another and dealing with depression....it's been in my family for generations....it stops with me.
Yes that's what I would like to say as well!!!
Does this mean anxiety can be hereditary?
I think it can be because my mother's siblings (2 sisters and 2 brothers both have anxiety and depression). I dont know if my mother did or not so yes it can be unless it is environmental and biological.
Oh. That's bad then.
I can relate to this so much. Thank you for putting it into words. It's nice to know someone else can pinpoint where it comes from as this makes perfect sense to me. I too suffer from that need to be perfect, but it's unrealistic. As soon as you're able to figure out where the problem stems from, it gets a bit easier adjusting the thinking that goes along with it.
I'm glad it helps! I've found it hard sometimes to make progress, even though I think I understand the root causes of my anxiety :/ I guess it's a process that I need to be patient with.
Me too. I've felt the same way. Even when I know 'why' I feel a certain way, it's hard to stop whatever thoughts are running through your head. But I still consider a big step as you're acknowledging it versus hiding from it. Baby steps are still progress 
Yes I have been working on it with my therapist and I have to confess that I want to pray more about it but I'm lax with it...
Emotional abandonment often evolves into over achieving because we think we have to do so much more to get that recognition. But with parents who are also dealing with what sounds like similar issues, and they can't give what they themselves don't have to give...it's a good opportunity to break a family tradition you don't want to carry on.....and get some professional guidance in dealing with this stuff because otherwise ...it just never ends affection your life....take it from a lifer with abandonment and child abuse issues....
All of mine is fear of rejection from God because of my sins, imperfections, decisions, questions, relationships, etc because what I have been taught about God growing up. ALso because I grew up without my mother, I felt like that was another sign of God's rejection. Now as a woman in her 40's, not only am I still struggling with areas of my theology about God, I have also felt like I have to reject those parts of my faith background that do not help me to trust God either. All of this comes as I am learning about God's love for me regardless of how rejected I have felt most of my life. This is a complete groundbreaker because I have wrestled with this for over 30 years. This is also why the reality of death scares me because the thoughts I have try to tell me that I will always be rejected by God no matter what the Bible says or I believe.
Well, I feel this way too, like He's punishing me because of my sins, because I drew away from Him but truth is, God is not a father to reject His children or punish them to love Him. He didn't fail us, we failed Him and now, I think there's a psychology behind this feeling. Just think real hard about this and understand that our heavenly father is all loving and has blessed us in more ways than we can imagine. Gratitude might just reverse our mindsets for the better.
Yes, gratitude does help and I have been studying about the Love of God and about grace as well...
That's a great step.
Basically I agree with you. I try to be honest and give people something practical to do rather than sympathy alone. Over the years here I have learned that we are not all in the same place or on the same page and when you give advice people aren't ready for it can be offensive to them . Another thing is people can't always see themselves and some don't want to. It can get very complicated. Sympathy is usually welcome, and sprinkling some over the practical is usually accepted . It's something I struggle with. Pam
Thats sooo true!!
Thanks for understanding. But you do know that some people do not want help, right? How do we tackle that?
Then you can share your story if you have something that relates. People are helped so much just by knowing they aren't alone in this struggle. I think about the things that have helped me and knowing someone understands and acknowledges my issues is a comfort. We are not alone.
I see. Thanks a lot.
I feel like I have disappointed you with my last response . As you can see it's sometimes hard to know what a person is looking for and we don't always have the answer. Pam
You didn't. Your reply was great.
Sometimes too people just need to exhale or in throws of self pity for good reasons or tired and need to feel heard. Being progressive is best but sometimes a cyber hug is nice too. I understand all of it lol. It’s good to know your issues then to tackle them. I don’t think everyone always knows their issues some people are new to it or depths of depression or whatnot. I know what my issues are. Sometimes I like to feel not alone or help someone else. Mortal .. ugh such a pain in the a**. Hahaha!
Lol. It's true some people don't know their issues but at least, there's some real life problem they've got, yeah?
It is not being realistic if it's something out of our control. You have to accept and move on.
That works as well. But you do know that unrealistic problems can lead to real life problems, yeah? Solving these real life problems can make you forget the unrealistic ones and help you avoid causing more damage. Remember, the aim is to be happy, not just ignore the pain and live with it. We deserve more than that, you deserve more than happiness.
Yeah only if you allow it to go in that direction. I live like this everyday, doubting every decision I make, always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop knowing that sometimes things are beyond my control, this has caused me Alot of anxiety, I stay inside 80% of the time afraid of dealing with the outside world. I had to retire early
Sometimes, we are unable to control the direction of things.
I agree
Do have a blessed day.
Thanks
Yeah I understand the reality of waiting for the other shoe to drop...
I think that a lot of people .just want reassurence that they are not the only ones suffering certain symptoms, especially people with health anxiety.
After that, they feel all good?
I know with me is low-self esteem, relationship issues, abandoment, child abuse and neglect, infidelity, major depression some anxiety... the root to many of my problems is honestly my childhood. I want so badly to let it go but my mind makes it hard on me. I finally got in woth agreat therapist but had to quit seeing her because of tramsportation issues. Im looking into public transportation. All my other therapists just brushed the surface of what happened. I also have a lot of current trauma. Once again I wish it were easy but life is a battle.
Thank you for sharing your story! I pray that you will keep sharing here and that as you work on your transportation issues so that you can get the help that you need. In the meantime, we are here for you.
In time things will get better. Thats atleast what i tell myself
Thank you
That's actually what will happen.
Anxiety is great at making problems that wouldn't be there if you did not have anxiety. In a sensitised state, your mind is more susceptible to creating false fears. Fears that tend to pick on things that may resonate with you. For example, if you felt a small amount of guilt about something that happened in the past, anxiety will magnify the guilt mutiple times which may then seem and feel like an insurmountable problem. Hence, there is a risk that you could walk into a therapist with one problem but come out with several more. Rich pickings if they dig deep enough and don’t understand how anxiety works.
Anxiety is also very adept at changing its focus. Mine started off as health anxiety then switched to generalised anxiety and then relationship anxiety. I learned that all of these perceived problems weren't real, they were just the figment of an overly anxious mind so I learned to let them go and they disappeared. I mean, it stands to reason. If you have anxiety, you create anxious thoughts.
The root cause of anxiety is fear. It is also worth bearing in mind that most chronic sufferers are actually fearful of the feelings of fear and fall into a vicious cycle. Any initial fear that may have triggered the anxiety will have been forgotten about and the sufferer is now kept busy trying to deal with all the anxious thoughts, which they fear.
Acceptance of all anxiety symptoms is the way to recover.
Hmmm. Nice. Thanks for sharing this. I hope it helps someone on here.
So well, said. Like so many things we can be philosophical about our beliefs or practical. Its good to know what to believe,, why you believe and how to implement said beliefs but it so muchmore beneficial to have them in action
Cool. Thanks for replying. ❤️
Anytime. If youre ever interested in getting to know each other better reach out. I could really use like minded friends
If anyone would be interested on becoming friends and finding out more about each other. Just pm
Cool
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