Ugh...

[AlwaysSmiling5]

Feeling so bad today. My Mom is in the hospital, my Dad is relying on me to be strong and handle lots of things, my Aunt died, my dry eyes are flaring up, and my anxiety/depression is off the charts. I am taking my meds, but I just feel so BAD. I want to curl up in a ball and hide. No one understands my mental state...I don't know how much more I can take. Just needed to vent...

[Ioveswimming]

Please vent, don't leave me out. We need each other

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to Ioveswimming]

Thank you. We really do need each other...I think it is hard for people that don't have these issues to understand us. Even my husband, who I love dearly, doesn't seem to get that I can't just turn this off. I would give anything to do that. My emotions make everything hurt more, feel more...really an awful sensation.

[Hidden in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

Hello AlwaysSmiling 5, I hear you and sympathize. Very few people can handle mental health issues. It happens to me too. You're in my thoughts and I understand.

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I feel like I can't say thank you enough to everyone here. I have been feeling like I am at the end of my tether...the worst time of my life for certain. This year has been a perfect storm of bad things for me, and I now feel bad all the time. Without this oasis of understanding, I would be even worse. Thank you again.

[Hidden in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

Hello again, AlwaysSmiling 5. Keep posting your truth. I can't change things, but I can listen and understand.

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Talking about this stuff helps a lot. I just thought I finally was in control of my emotional issues prior to this year. It has been a very trying, testing year...I am saddened that my mental state has crumbled so quickly.

[jocie609 in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

It only takes a moment for things to knock you off your center especially with mental health issues. Yes, keep coming here and keep sharing with us...We all need each other.

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to jocie609]

Thank you. Your kindness means more than I can express...❤

[Hidden in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

Sending a hug and sympathy for being so troubled. Tanguera (Norma)

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Tanguera, reading over your responses, I see a very caring person and

am glad you are with us. Sending you a gentle hug. xx

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, kind friend. This means a lot to me! ❤

[NoRegret]

You are dealing with some heavy emotional painful issues. It sounds like you have a lot on your platter with responsibility, I bet so far you are handling everything perfectly. Be kind to yourself, maybe a nice bath, candles, relaxation music and a bubbly. You are stronger than you think you are.

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to NoRegret]

Thanks. I am hoping that I will feel a little better after tomorrow, because my Aunt's funeral will be over. We will see. My mind just goes non-stop. When I open my eyes, it starts...my heart pounds. I don't even want to get up. I have a child, so I can't give in totally to despair, but it is so hard to go through this.

[jocie609 in reply to NoRegret]

Thats what my therapist and previous supervisor said to me. Give yourself some grace and be good to yourself...you deserve it!

[NCAQuilter]

I really get what you are going through! Venting, especially to someone who understands, can relieve a lot of the pressure. Being strong for others is a real conundrum, because, if you're like me, you seem strong on the outside, but inside you're crumbling. Seeming strong, or always smiling, is what you do while the world watches. I think this is why no one gets the depression/anxiety, because we 'seem' to be able to handle it all.

What I do, and what often helps, is turn off: meditate, watch a funny movie, read a book by a favorite author, vent in a safe place, stand in the shower and cry it out. I try not to sleep during the day - that is a real depressant for me. I can't feel rested, although the bed really calls to me.

Right here seems to be the best place to vent. No one will tell you that you need to be strong for them (I see this as incredibly selfish), buck up, you'll get over it, etc... In fact, we all understand, even though our circumstances may be very different. So, use us. We're here for you.

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to NCAQuilter]

I can't think of enough ways to say thank you. I hold everything in as much as I can...but it is so difficult because I just want it all to go away. I want to feel normal again somehow...I just can't seem to find normal these days.

[jocie609 in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

Is normal relative? I think that we have to find "homeostasis" for what helps us to have an even playing field so that we can at least decide to level off as we work to find balance in life. We all want to be "normal" but what if "normal" for us isnt what normal really is?

[NCAQuilter in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

I have found that holding things in at some point it overflows! This last year has been exceptionally hard; many things happening. After the first trauma, I was sent to a hospital. There, I learned some tools to help. During the year, I allowed myself some time of letting go as each trauma came along. So far, nothing has boiled over. Whenever things start to get too much to bear, I allow myself some 'giving way'. I am amazed that I can end the giving way. I didn't believe I could. I thought that if I gave in, I'd never recover. Not true, for me, anyway. Giving in in short bursts seems to keep the big breakdown away. I now feel confident that the next trauma can be handled without me breaking down. Hope you are able to find a technique that works for you.

[jocie609]

Thank you for sharing with us... We need to support one another. We understand...

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to jocie609]

Again, that means so much to me. I feel very misunderstood these days...I need somewhere that I won't feel lost and alone. Thank you.

[Ollyvie]

Hello dear, definitely this is lot to handle for anyone. You seem to have a lot going on and I know it can be overwhelming. I sure do understand what you are going through. Try and find a way to destress and calm down. Try and take care of yourself so you will be in a position to support others. Stay positive and strong. No condition is permanent. Hopefully thing will get better soon. You are survivor and you can do this. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to Ollyvie]

Thank you for your kindness! ❤

[Ollyvie in reply to AlwaysSmiling5]

You are welcome. have a blessed week ahead

[Hidden]

Special hello and a Wednesday hug for you, AlwaysSmiling 5!

[AlwaysSmiling5 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! Hello and hugs to you, as well. Mostly okay so far today, with the exception of having to deal with my cat having some litter box issues. That is a much smaller thing to handle, though it is frustrating. So, if the worst I can worry about today is kitty landmines, I am thankful. Hope you are having a good day! ❤