Life long Crippling Social Anxiety

[stevegroundhog]

Ive suffered this due to a mix of torment bullying in school, distant parents, emotional abuse, and isolation from wounds in the military. I’ve sought a fix by forcing me to join gyms, groups, join the military, college, but I continually have extreme physical and mental pain when I’m around people that I’ve almost gone to the point of full agoraphobia.

My life has dwindled down now to going to work and going home. I put on an acting face, but absolutely terrified of people. Forcing myself to do these things have only made my health worse and I am completely miserable.

When I see people enjoying themselves, walking, etc I flee at the first opportunity. I am in fear of anything fun involving people, I always assume they don’t want to be around me or think I shouldn’t be there. I get a full on panic attack, and I go home.

Alcohol is the only way I can be sociable, but that is incredibly unhealthy. I have awards, my degree hanging on the wall and I have no idea how I did any of those things. I’ve lived in fear of people throughout my life, but the fear of being unsuccessful or a failure was more I guess. Fear, not happiness has been the driving force to get me out of bed and to do things, but again my health has taken its toll. My only escape is my computer, but I don’t want to spend my life as a lonely, broken agoraphobic who spent his life playing pc games and died alone because people terrified him.

[Hwhme]

I wish I could wave a magic wand but I can’t.

It sounds as if you are in a bad place and I wonder if you have ever spoken to a professional about the way you feel. Is there any activity that you would enjoy that you can do. Given that you feel so uneasy around people if you have any interests that you can enjoy alone (arts or crafts spring to my mind) perhaps you could join a group but concentrate on what you are trying to create instead of your classmates. After a while you may be able to relax into it a bit.

Having a degree and having been wounded in the military you must have had some varied experiences that a number of people would find interesting. I would like to wish you well in coming to terms with your current limitations and then getting rid of them. Take care.

[stevegroundhog in reply to Hwhme]

Thank you, I am in therapy but only breathing and meditation can do so much.

[Hidden]

Have you ever thought of having a dog? They are wonderful companions and enable one to get out and be sociable in a non threatening way. A dog will love you unconditionally which is what some of us here have never experienced in our lives. Stroking a dog also has a very calming effect on frayed nerves.

[stevegroundhog in reply to Hidden]

Have two cats, my dog died natural causes last year. Thank you for the advice though.