Invisible me

My husband makes me feel invisible, unattractive, undesirable, unappreciated, and unloved. I hate it. Things get better for a few weeks and then back to shit. He would rather sleep on the couch than in our bed with me. He would rather leave and hour and a half early for work than spend a little time with me. He acts like there is someone else but if I even hit that I think that he turns the tables and says I sound like I am the one with a secret. I can't seem to say or do anything right anymore. 😭 So tired of the struggles in this marraige. I love him but damn. A person can only handle so much.

[Kayakin]

Thinking of you, and hope things get better soon. I know sometimes complaining seems the only way to get anything. Wonder what would happen if you did something special for him every day. Not much, cook something he likes, give him a fresh pillowcase and tell him you did it because you love him. Pick some wildflowers and put them somewhere he might notice. If he doesn't do not chastise him. Just do a little something special you think he will like regardless of what else is happening let him know he is special to you. Meet harshness only with love. Do not get drawn into harshness, but meet by telling him how special he is, even if he critices you. Especially when he critices you. I am no councilor, but I know I love love.

I do know at some point you will have to be decisive and take action for yourself, but it does not sound like you are ready for that, and what you are doing is not working.

[Kc29]

Wow

[Kc29]

Remember our convo

[Kkimm]

Hi Maymay

I understand how you are feeling and how hurtful it is to feel like this. I have been through much the same with my partner. I do not know if you suffer from anxiety or depression as I do, but if you do, you may be feeling that he finds it really difficult to understand what you are going through which can then bring other issues to a head. I certainly found this and for a while it nearly brought our 40 year relationship, 20 of which we have been married, to an end. However we have worked through it and I have learned to accept what is great about the relationship and what cannot change but we can live with. For example my partner does do little acts of kindness that I always took for granted. He is never going to make romantic gestures or praise and support me the way I do him but I know that he does love me and would follow me anywhere and help me fulfill my dreams and ambitions however wacky at times. We are great friends and really enjoy each others company and have great fun together as well as sharing so many interests and values. He will never understand or sympathise with my condition because it scares him as he is used to me being the strong one.

I agree with Kayakin that you making the first steps to show your love will be helpful although you may feel you do this already. If you have not already tried this, I also think you could try talking through with him how you are feeling in a loving way, not during an argument, which I was inclined to do. It is important to pick your time when neither of you are angry or stressed and there is time to do it without interruption. Then begin with the positives and try to keep the conversation positive but honest and come away from it with things you could both do differently.

You know what drew you to love each other and what qualities he has that makes your love continue. As Kayakin said however, in the end you will know whether or not there is enough in the relationship to keep it alive and if not decide what you want to do with your life.

Kim.

[Daveyboy77]

Good morning. Ok don't go worrying about this for now. There could be hundreds of reasons why his behaviour is like this. Ever thought he might be suffering from a medical illness and is too nervous to tell you. But if it was something like hes having a affair then please don't give up. Theres always time to start again. Take no notice about the horrible comments you have everything to live for . I know love can throw a few spinners in the works but unfortunately thats life. Don't go living a lie. If it's over then except it easy said then done I know but you have much to live for.

Take care 💓👍

[SoporRose]

It sounds to me as if t he problem lies with your husband, not you. Doing more without talking to him may result only in his assuming even more strongly that your role is to provide the emotional support in the family. If at all possible, go for counseling. I suspect you both would benefit from a professional perspective. Whatever you decide, we're here for you.

[Gentlespirit12345]

See if hes receptive to counseling or not. Otherwise he seems unhappy and emotionally already is leaving but seems to want to blame you. Check out the domestic violence wheel and do some research. Is he controlling or do u sense something isn't right but can't put your finger on it. Protect yourself and try communicating your concerns to see if they can be resolved otherwise see if the situation worsens or improves. I hope everything works out

[Hidden in reply to Gentlespirit12345]

He says he will go to counseling, however he always has a reason why he can't make the appointment. He has finally made an appointment with a doctor for this wednesday regarding his anxiety, depression, inability to preform and lack of the urge to be intimate, his carpel tunnel and arthritis. I am glad he has finally agreed that he needs to see a doctor and that he finally agreed to an appointment, however i'm not going to get my hopes up till he actually goes to the doc and does EXACTLY what the doc says. It is a big step for him though to admit there is a problem and say he wants to do something about it. I was shocked by that. He seems so miserable with me and our kids. I still don't think we are what he wants anymore, but i am willing to see if that changes after he gets on the right meds.

[GlassPoodle]

How have things been going? Hope you are well.