BDD is getting the best of me. Please help me get out of my head 😥

[Nyxie33]

I have trouble explaining my bdd. I feel like ill just be seen as superficial and vain. Its hard to convince a person youre not just self conscious, like yes, everyone has flaws but how many obsess to the point of picturing yourself jump off a building cause its too much pressure. Cause the competition out there is just out of your league so whats the point in finding love when those perfect ones will steal your spot light and youre just the person he comes home to yet fantasizes about them. Cause why wouldnt he? Look at you and look at them. Then its shoved in my face every day. A reminder of how ill never look, unless i spend thousands of dollars and add more scars to my body, and how ill never love myself because im never going to be good enough. I cant imagine ever being in a healthy relationship cause im hiddeous and damaged. Thats when the thought of not existing becomes comforting. Like if i just do that, i dont have to hurt anymore. He can find a better person and i can no longer torture myself. I dont know how to turn this off and be at peace with myself. I lost motivation to try and eat healthy and work out. I just want to sleep and hide from everyone. I dont want to be seen. Im embarrassed to look the way i do. I obsess about being cheated on cause im gross and pathetic. I obsess about being in public and people seeing my flaws. I wish i had courage to leave the band, my boyfriend, family, and friends, going off the grid and being alone. Nothing i say will make them understand the severity of this. I can barely get on social media or watch a movie without being triggered.

[deborah27]

Why do the ' beautiful ' people have broken relationships, divorce, partners cheating on them etc...? Ask yourself real questions about this, gain some perspective on how you measure success and happiness.

[Christy5737]

Hi there, I found myself in a place where I suffered from extreme perfection and felt in jail for along time. I did make the decision to isolate myself from everyone because of it and I did it for many years and it did not help me. In a few ways it made me worse. What made me better was miraculously finding a friend or two that were positive forces and challenged me while loving me. I also tried this thing called celebrate recovery for 3 months and I realized I really wasn’t alone. Then I started thinking deeper on the subject and suddenly I started climbing out of it but it took a super long time. I hope you find something that works for you. You cannot control a lot of things but try your best to love yourself when it’s hard. Your the only person you really have to live with. And if you live alone and push everyone else away - chances are you still won’t be saying nice things to you. Think deeper into where the roots of this might come from and maybe you will find a few branches to hold on too. Cheers to you

[Nyxie33 in reply to Christy5737]

Thank you for sharing. It helps to know there are others that fall into this and somehow found a way out. I hope to do the same. I have a great family and some really good friends that know about me. Id like to say my home support system is a positive one. I guess im looking for a way to believe amd truly love myself. I just dont know where to start, but this gives me hope to keep trying

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Did you tell a therapist how much this has taken over? You seem to know how illogical it is. Perfection is not an option. You have to love yourself first to receive love. That’s love you deserve. In all my years I’ve never actually met anyone I would call ‘hideous’. I seriously doubt you’re that one that is. I think you need to talk with your therapist and do some intensive work on you. Despite what you think right now you deserve it. I promise you.

Doaty

[Nyxie33]

Thank you for your words. I need to go back to therapy. I stopped going because im in a traveling band and leave for weeks at a time so its hard to stick with anything. My condition has gotten way worse since i stopped going to therapy. I definetly need to update them. Im at a low point, but finding this online support helps me want to get better