Went there did that

[Starrlight]

Worked on myself at crisis care. Learned some psycho education and wellness tools. Well today is shitty and my coping isn’t working. Ever since I got home I keep crying. Going off my Paxil is one culprit and another is this life that I only have some control over. How to make my kiddos have a fun day when I have no car and feel like dying. It makes me feel so guilty and depressed.

[Hidden]

Hi Star I feel for you...went for years with no car when the kids were little....how about the sprinkler or make homemade bubbles?

I love you...pm me if you feel the need....

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy and cozy hugs for you Sister!!!

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I thought I reached a point where I would never entertain the thought of suicide. Well here I am wishing to die. Not really that I want to off myself as much as I want to get out of depression.

[JEG325]

How about games or coloring, drawing or art? Sharing the things you love with the ones you love will make you feel better. Play word games or teach them to write. Maybe have them help you cook a nice, safe meal. The best things are those that involve everyone at once....Read to them or play video games. Have a sing along. You have to go beyond yourself and how you're feeling in order to have fun with the kids....Tell them stories from when they were younger. If you have photo albums, get those out and tell stories around sharing the pictures....Star, you're an excellent mom. I have faith in you and your kids will too. After all, you can have an arts and craft show, just you and them. You got this, okay? I believe in you 100%!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Hey I wonder if your great idea of cooking with them slipped into my subconscious... so thank you 😊 I seriously didn’t recall any bit of that. I think I have been under stress so maybe that’s what it is hmmmmmmm

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

It struck a chord with me because I've had some rough times lately myself. Wanting to permanently escape has crossed my mind more than once. When I get in that mood I'm even sure if anyone would miss me. They would, I'm sure but, when you're that far down you don't think anyone cares. So, I sure could sympathize with you. I care too. Okay?

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Lots would miss you and don’t give it another thought unless it’s one of those things where you can’t help it and it shouts...wishing you peace

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

It shouts quite loudly at times. But, I'm a stubborn cuss from way back. I can outlast anything eventually. I will just for Sue, you, Lisa, Kristin, kenster1, LovelySnow, Danielle and several other close friends I have mad on H/U and in my life!

[Starrlight]

You guys I come on here this afternoon and I don’t remember writing this yesterday or seeing any responses... thank you for responding ... almost everything I wrote is laced with negativity so sorry if I bring ya down... I especially that my two friends who ones me you are my solid rocks. I woke up this morning and fixed a huge lasagna that my littlest man asked for. I have a skate session with my family and dinner out. I wonder if I will make it through without the terrible feelings I’ll give it my best shot. What are you guys up to?

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

You will make it through just fine, S, I have 100% faith in you. I think you are stronger than you think you are. I believe you are capable of almost anything you put your mind to. Plus, I know that you love your family. Look, I wrote some 4 or 5 poems over the last 3 days or so. One of them, called 'The Last Flight', is exactly what you and I were talking about yesterday. It's a bitter, emotionally laden poem about escaping for good. Lets let neither one of us ever come to that. For the sake of our loved ones, if nothing else. But, also for our own sakes. We need, life, love and each other. Be it our loved ones, off site friends or H/U friends. Together, with the help of everyone, we can ride out any storm. I know I will do whatever I can to help....Friends forever, right?

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Friends forever .....

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

I've always got your back, S!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

I’ve got yours too.

[Starrlight]

Woah that writing doesn’t sound like me. I disassociate.