still too painful

[RcKitty]

TRIGGER WARNING***A little while back I posted about making a little progress with coping with the sudden death of my mother. It was probably not progress because I feel that I am back where I was before! Its been 7 years now since my mother suddenly passed away. we were estranged and I did not get to say goodbye.

I cannot cope sometimes. it's too overwhelming . I am on anxiety medications I was prescribed a couple years after her death .they do not help much. I stlil have panic attacks maybe less often now but pretty frequently. I still feel a pain in my chest that wont go away, I cant breathe when I think about her. the regret that I could not resolve anything with her before her dearh becomes too much

I fantasize about going back in time like in one of those movies and getting a do over and thinking about all the things I would say to her if I could, how I would give her many hugs and try to be a better daughter. In therapy I am being treated for ptsd from having been emotionally abused by my mother and then her death, but I forgive her, I forgive her for everything and i hope she forgives me for not being the daughter she wanted. I just want her back, and after all this time I still have trouble comprehending that she is not coming back. This is not progress clearly! I do not know if or when i I will ever feel better and what it will take!! I am very lost

[Michdau1]

Hi I'm sorry to hear about your mother's passing and the circumstances surrounding it. I can't imagine what it must feel like. Have you tried writing a letter to your mother? It may be therapeutic. Saying all the things you feel good and bad. You could place it on her grave or a place that means something to you, put it in a bottle into the sea. You could even burn the letter and watch the pieces drift off into the sky. It sounds like you have a very heavy weight on your heart that needs to be lifted. It won't happen over night but if there are days when u can only wake up and breath, just do that XXX i genuinely Will be thinking of you XXX

[Agora1]

RcKitty, my deepest sympathy over your mother's passing. There are always going

to be things that we wished we said or even didn't say while someone was with us.

We can't spend the rest of our lives living in regret or we rob ourselves of our own lives.

I lost my father unexpectedly many years ago and more recently my mother in the same sudden way. Unexpected death doesn't allow us to prepare for that lost and even with

that, we are never truly prepared to accept the loss of a parent. Medication and therapy can help for a while but the pain still lingers as our heart grieves.

For myself, I found that by continuing to keep the guest post current on their obituary

site, it made it a way to release my memories, my grieving as well as updating them on my life. I am able to celebrate and reminisce holidays, birthdays and all the special occasions that my parents made possible for the family.

This works for me and has brought me much peace and healing in my grief.

As "Michdau1" suggested, there are many ways to help lift your heart.

I hope you find what works for you. You are not alone xx

[Celtic27]

Hi there the loss my a mother is really hard I lost mine 3/4 years ago I to still think of her it's only to be expected have you at any time been offered grief councilling if not its not ask about it! It may help you to put to rest the problems you feel you didn't sort before your mum past away! Please get something on board to help you cope with your loss! I feel if I'm thinking about my mum she's in my heart and I take to her daily it helps! Take care david

[deborah27]

Write to her and tell her all of the things you have told us. Do you talk to her?

[RcKitty in reply to deborah27]

I do talk to her. I believe she can hear me I heaven.

[deborah27 in reply to RcKitty]

I believe the same. Then she knows exactly how you feel. She will always be with you and how amazing is that. You can continue to be comforted by that. Feel peace.