Feeling anxious about neighborhood block party and need advice to address anxiety

My neighborhood is having a block party tomorrow and I'm feeling anxious about attending. I have a wife and 2 kids so I will not be "alone". My wife is a social butterfly and my kids are friends with some of the other kids on the block so for them its an event they are looking forward to. However, I'm shy, quiet, and introverted. My wife and kids will go all night partying without a problem but after a couple hours I'll become disinterested. Also, I'm not a big drinker but my wife can be as well as some of the neighbors she's friends with. My wife is very supportive and said that if I'm feeling overwhelmed or need a break I can go back to the house for a little bit to decompress. I'm looking for advice to get through such a long social gathering. I've been making more of an effort to become social. I'm struggling with feeling guilty about needing to take time to myself but wanting to have fun with my wife and family at the same time. Also, struggling with how to feel more comfortable with a possibly rowdy, drunken crowd. I just want to feel looser, more relaxed so that I can fully enjoy the experience.

[KSong]

This is like reading my own thoughts about similar experiences I've encountered. My husband is a social butterfly and my kids are now more independent and always ready to go off with others, so now there I'll be standing awkwardly, trying to fight the urge to just "go to the bathroom"(just for a bit of peace) or pull out my phone. I detest small talk so unless I'm really friends with people, social gatherings are just torture. Are you one to just hang out quietly by your wife, or does that just start feeling annoying too? I have found that if I can find a way to help out or be busy it helps me not feel so anxious. But honestly, a lot of the time, these social fluff events must just be endured. Could you maybe set a time for yourself that you can look forward to taking a break like, if it begins at 7, you'll stay until 8:15 then run home for a 30 minute break, then return for 45 minutes; something like that so it helps it not seem so long and drawn out? It's awesome that your wife doesn't just expect you to stay by her side when you're not totally comfortable! So sorry it's so difficult to know how to even make these things easier.

[KSong in reply to KSong]

Sorry for the long, stream-of-consciousness writing there!

[Hidden in reply to KSong]

Thanks commiserating with me. That is pretty much my game plan, to have some set times where I tell my wife I'm going back home to chill out for a few minutes.

My habit does tend to be standing/sitting quietly next to my wife trying to add into the conversation every once in a while to make it seem like I'm interested. I don't want to keep following her around, though, and make her feel like I'm a clingy toddler or something. I would like to try and push myself a bit so that I can feel some independence in these situations. I agree trying to help with things to stay busy will be helpful. Thanks again for the advice.

[Agora1]

Hi bawoleta Oh what fun, a block party. The kids love it, the outgoing, party people

have a blast and then there's those who suffer from anxiety. The thing is, as KSong said,

you can regenerate at home anytime you want. No one really misses any one if you

come and go. For myself I found that getting involved with the kid's games helped take

me away from getting stuck talking with the adults. Helping out with the food is another

ploy to be more on your own. There's always a senior neighbor who would enjoy you

just saying hello and asking them if you could get them anything.

Even if you spend more time in your house than out, no one will notice except that you

had made your appearance. As for the "late nighters" let them enjoy while you are

back home listening to the laughs and music outside. When it's time to clean up, being

involved in that is always an alone job. So my friend, I hope you try to make the best of

it. I actually miss those days now since the block I'm on is too short to constitute a block.

Let us know how you do and during several of those at home runs, contact us for support.

You're not alone in feeling like this. It's going to be okay. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I really appreciate your encouragement here. The hardest thing to shake is the feeling of guilt for needing to take the time to be alone throughout the evening or calling it a night before my wife and kids are ready to go home. Like my wife will be mad at me for being a party pooper even though she has explicitly told me I will not be. I think it stems a lot from low self-esteem and not liking how I am in these situations compared to the outgoing, happy people.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

bawoleta, we all do the best we can in what we've been given. I know it's not easy.

But it will not always be this way. There is no reason to feel guilty. I never did dwell

on who I was at that time. If I even showed up anywhere, that alone was a success.

People will never really understand what it is like for us but as long as we keep trying

we have succeeded. xx

[Hidden]

I just wanted to write a follow up to my initial post. I felt like it was a successful outing for me. I took some time in the afternoon while still at work to come up with a short list of simple things to do that I could at least say that I accomplished something. I was able to introduce myself to a couple neighbors that I haven't met before and I was able to walk up to a group of people and join in the conversation. And I did these without my wife needing to prompt me or stand by her side. These seem like simple things but for someone like me being able to take those steps on my own was a giant improvement. I was able to follow my game plan of taking short breaks in my house when I needed to and my wife was very encouraging and supportive throughout the evening. My only qualm was that I called it a night at 11pm but my wife stayed out a couple more hours with some of the neighbors which led me into some negative thoughts around my insecurities and a feeling of guilt for not staying out with her. But we talked it over the next day and I realized it was no big issue. I felt in a pretty good mood throughout the weekend and was even a little more social at a couple other smaller gatherings we went to. It was nice to experience that left me more uplifted than morose.