When friends stop calling 😞

[a_work_in_progress]

I doubt it’s just me but I guess this would be the place to ask.

Over the last few years of my anxiety, depression and emptiness. I have found that my friends just don’t call anymore. Maybe it’s because they don’t know what to say or hope that you’re not having a bad day so they’d rather just not call. It just sucks because when you need them the most they’re not there. I’ve told a couple of them that I really miss them calling or miss seeing them and getting together like we used too. So it’s not like I haven’t put myself out there. It’s not like I haven’t taken initiative. I know people have lives and I know that everyone is busy and I understand that.

I guess my question is when do you cut your friends loose. When does your friend become not a friend anymore.

Thanks for listening

[Dolphin14]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this because it's so difficult.

Some people just shy away from us for different reasons. I lost a few friends. We just grew apart. There was nothing I could do. I wasn't in a good place to try and hang on t anything but myself.

I have one friend who I'm able to hang on to because I love her but she can push my buttons. No understanding of what I've been through or why I'm not better. So, I made it clear we won't discuss my situation. We do on unless something gets said unexpectedly by one of us. Then we both go off on who is right.

Give those you really want to try and hang on to another chance to meet you or do something. You will know what page they are on and where to go with the relationship. A true friendship can get through this.

I know it's not a good feeling. But, it's not your fault. There's something in them that can't maintain for whatever reason

[a_work_in_progress in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks Dolphin for your reply.

Thank you for your heartfelt advice.

I guess we just grow apart.

It’s just hard and it feels like a loss.

[Dolphin14 in reply to a_work_in_progress]

It is a loss and we have to work through it and grieve it.

Take care of yourself.

[Stilltrying_]

I have this problem all the time. What I have realised is that unfortunately you are right. Most people do not want to listen more than once or twice when you are down. Sometimes it is because they don't know what to say and sometimes it is because they feel it puts their own mood down.

I have changed my behaviour a lot lately. I only contact friends when I am feeling ok and I deliberately say and do upbeat things. I keep all the negative stuff for the Samaritans or therapy .

It shouldn't have to be like that and sometimes you may be lucky and find someone who will stick around. But my advice would be to contact them over light stuff. Say something cheerful when you phone or text. Every time. Then they get used that you are ok ( in their eyes) and so they get less panicky or less wanting to back away. That way you have your friend back but it is a sorry state of affairs isn't it when the only people we can open up to are crisis lines and so forth.

I'm in Uk . I phone the crisis line fairly regularly. I had this conversation with them the other day. They agreed that the world is getting so it isn't ok not to be ok all the time and the only place you can have discussions about feeling down is on these lines or these forums. Rant as much as you like on here. We all do. We're all in the same position!!!

Gemma x

[a_work_in_progress in reply to Stilltrying_]

Awe thank you 😊 I have always been the type that has been “do not say anything unless you have something good to say” I have been very quiet lately.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to a_work_in_progress]

You're always welcome to talk on here especially if you're feeling down x

[Karenk2]

I know how you feel, I’m experiencing the same thing.

[V941]

I had friends , well people I thought were my friends, completely walk away after I stayed with my abuser. I suffer from PTSD.

Long story of abuse and rape, then successful career then more abuse ...

rape again then came the horrible PTSD.

Since then, years later, I am friendless.

I would like to meet genuine people who don't judge you and except you for who you are. Show up and care like I do for them.

Do they exist?

Lol.

Hope we can talk.

Cheers.