A couple months ago..

[Bry_an]

More than a couple months ago, I got out of a toxic/abusive relationship, my mom was going into an experimental spinal cancer/tumor removal surgery, and I was moving.. I went into this very, very dark place. It truly felt like I had nobody and I felt alone. My depression and anxiety got really bad where I wouldn’t leave my bed for weeks. I barely ate, I kept breaking down every couple hours.. I was truly broken. I started feeling like everyone and everything was against me. I started hating myself and thought, and almost went forward with, a suicide plan. I was later diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, and severe PTSD.

Now, I still think about everything I felt. I think about the hopelessness, the not wanting to be alive feeling, and the feeling of loneliness in a crowded room. Quite frequently, I go into this mental state where I don’t really know how I feel.

[Mumma_h]

I've been there too, in such a bad place I thought I'd stay like that for the rest of my life . I hadn't been that bad before so I didn't know it was possible to feel better. Its so good you talk about it the worst of it in past tense, I do too, though I still get down or anxious or confused..on days, I'm not in that dark place. You say you have times where you say 'I don't know how i feel '. It takes time, we aren't completely cured and that's that, all done. There will be residue, so to speak; give yourself time and be patient and kind with yourself! I got out of an abusive relationship too, about 2 years ago( feels like last week) together for 20 years. I'm starting councelling specifically for this for the first time, I'm a little nervous, scared ... but want to do it because I still feel bad about myself a lot and I thought maybe it was the abuse . How did it affect you ? I haven't really spoken to anyone who's been through the same thing . You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable. I hope your mother is doing well , and you too 🤗

[Bry_an in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you for replying , my mom and I are good ! The relationship, however, affected me quite bad. Sometimes I feel like things are my fault, when they actually aren’t, which causes me to apologize a lot. I have a lot of self doubt now, I can’t/won’t trust people ~ more-so, other guys.

[Mumma_h in reply to Bry_an]

Yep ; this is one of the things abuse does to us; makes us think it's our fault,and hard to not only trust others again but ourselves; but it does get better 🙂

[Jimdubu]

I am sorry for what you have been going through. Is there anyone you can talk to? a close friend. sibling or maybe church pastor ? If you find yourself in crisis please call 911 or

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

, there is also a crisis text line at 741741 that a professional will respond back to you. Something I have found that helps is to start writing down my blessings. When you see how much you have actually been blessed with, you can"t but help to feel better. And as the other person mentioned counseling can definitely help. Prayers my friend.