Change

[calicat]

I am trying to have a better attitude about change and try to embrace it instead of fear it. But really what I’m afraid of is the unknown of it all. I’m 29 and feel like the next “phase” of my life is soon upon me and I seem to just keep panicking about it. I think it’s because it’s like a black hole. I went to school, graduated college, got my first job, moved out, met a guy... and those were all things I knew were coming cause I followed that road. But now, possibly getting married, moving into a new house, having kids.. that’s scary! It’s soo unknown to me. Notice I am worrying about “what ifs” as none of these changes have actually happened yet... anyone else out there also get themselves worked up about stuff like this?!

[Michdau1]

I 100% relate to the 'what ifs'!!! 🙈 I'm sure lots of ppl can. I spent so much time dwelling on the past but also worrying about the future that my present was a total blur. I was wasting my life really. Just surviving, not living. I make a conscious effort every day to train my brain differently. If I find myself jumping from A-Z instead of A-B, I take a deep breath and acknowledge whatever thought I'm having. I ask myself relevant questions to the thought e.g. is this actually happening? Am I responsible for it? How do I feel about the thought? Meditation techniques and mindfulness are very useful. Your mind is amazingly powerful and you can use it to change your life. It takes time xxx

[Dolphin14 in reply to Michdau1]

I'm also 100% what if. Learning how to stop this. I've done it my whole life. It's so true you lose the present when you do this. I have little memory of the joyful moments because I am always waiting for a bomb to go off.

[hypercat54 in reply to Dolphin14]

If you live in the past you live with regrets, in the future and you live with anxiety. But if you live in the present you live with balance. You can't see the future and you can't change it so there is no point worrying about it, so let the future take care of itself.

Strangely enough it took me losing loved ones to see this. You never know how long you have on this earth so all you can do is live in the present and try and enjoy the here and now. The good times see you through the bad ones and sustain you when life is hell. x

[Michdau1 in reply to hypercat54]

So true x

[calicat in reply to Michdau1]

Thanks for that! I need to work at training my brain as well. Knowing I’m not alone helps!

[kenster1 in reply to calicat]

way to go that exact saying has been on my mind to train my brain you will get there im sure.

[hypercat54]

Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't! I don't know about phases in life as it all depends on what you want. I certainly didn't (and most people I know) follow the set course. Even though I was bright enough I left school as soon as I could having 'failed' in everything I tried.

I got my triumphs in going back into evening school to get my 'O' levels at 23 (yes it took me that long to get over my fear of school) which I did. I then got into University at the ripe old age of 27 and got my degree.

I always thought I would be married and have kids like most people but finally faced the fact that I didn't want to be tied down and live a life of domestic tranquility so never did.

Follow whatever is right for you ie your own path and don't worry about what others or the 'system' expects of you. x

[Zoe299]

Can so relate and what you said around embracing change rather than fearing it is something i am trying to currently do. Ill be starting a new job soon and in the past the thought used to fill me with so much dread and anxiety, but this time im really trying to look forward to it and be positive and excited.

Im 31 and since turning 30 its like its all i ever think about, as if there is now a timer - for what im not sure! we sound like we are at similar life stages (partner, house etc) but do i want a career or kids? what if i regret not having kids? but the thought of being tied down with what i see as no life or career feels like giving up to me.

[calicat in reply to Zoe299]

I’m with you! Yes I hear the timer allllll the time. I don’t necessary compare myself to others but I just feel like time is ticking by super fast and I “need” to do things now or never