I need help

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years dating 1. He's the first person I have loved since my husband passed. We got pregnant twice and each time we aborted because he wasn't ready at 20 years old while I am 30. These broke my heart but I did it because I love him more than anything or anyone before. When we aborted he told me if I didn't he would leave and I loved him too much to let that happen no matter what the price. But I was scared and started flirting with someone but never did anything and I felt horrible the whole time. Last night he found out and for the first time since my husband I wanted to die. I wished that I wouldn't wake up and I hurt so bad that even drinking isn't enough to numb my pain. I know I

did wrong but I was scared and I am scared even more now that I might do something to myself. Please help me

[Ripley7]

Hi Ijustcant-How exactly were you flirting? Were you coming on to the guy or something?

[Hidden in reply to Ripley7]

He came onto me and i flirted back

[Ripley7 in reply to Hidden]

This is just my opinion but to me like that would necessarily be something to be dumped over if you have a pretty strong foundation.

I’m thinking that if you were happy with him as things were you wouldn’t have been so responsive to someone’s attention. So if anything I’d ask myself why was I flirting with someone else- do I feel like my guy doesn’t find me attractive? Is the relationship missing something?

You didn’t sleep with anyone nor kiss anyone - but you did hurt him deeply just as you would be if that were you in his place. What would you want to hear if he’d done that to you and you were really hurt? I’m sure his trust will be lacking if afterwards no doubt so I’d be prepared to earn it back. All you can do is damage control at this point would be my thought and just own up to it- apologize and hear him out if he wants to tell you how hurt and angry he is. If you stay together be prepared to be an open book after this. He has to try to learn to trust you again.

As a side note if he were to go and ‘get you back’ by doing the same back to you then he’s still too immature to be in a serious relationship (being 20 and all). Men still have lots of maturing to do even in their 20s believe it or not.

To address the accidental pregnancies I’m going to risk sounding preachy so don’t get defensive- I say this to you girlfriend to girlfriend —I know it’s your body but I would strongly suggest to anyone who’s in an intimate relationship to use at least some form of birth control (that works) until you’re both ready to make that kind of commitment together. There are many affordable types of preventives these days to choose from.

He’s made it crystal clear to you that he’s not ready to be a father so you both should make the sincere effort to prevent these pregnancies.

Accidents may happen but it’s usually because of carelessness.

It’s not fair to the child,it’s not fair to the guy, and it’s not fair to you or your body.

Ok stepping off my podium now.*

But hang in there- please remember that regardless of what happens with the relationship, no man is worth harming yourself over or even worse.

❤️

[mdmc]

Hang in there miss. Joy cometh in the morn.