Numb

So, with each day that passes this week I've grown more and more numb. I feel that euphoric feeling you get when riding a roller coaster...although none of what I'm experiencing is remotely fun and exciting. My heart feels as though it's in my arm and I'm resting just perfectly on my elbow that it's starting to lose feeling. My vision is growing grey of the world, which is sad because as grey as the world seemed before...I always found color in it.

This will be the 3rd day I've missed at work this week alone...I missed 3 last week, and we have all the bills due at the end of this month and beginning of the next. I've sold all I can sell and have looked for side work nonstop with no reward. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to go here and there for assistance but I've tried those routes. Everyone tells me to keep my chin up, look for the good things, go seek help, and so on...but those things don't help my family. Sure, it keeps me around to weigh them down some more...but does not help them. I know everyone here is dealing with depression and anxiety, so I appreciate the positive vibes and thoughts...but it's unfortunately not helping me snap out of it. I don't know what's left

[smhall3]

What meds are you on? Do you have a doctor you talk to regularly about your meds and how they aren't working so they can be adjusted?

[Dahlia36]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. The part you wrote about the world becoming grey resonated with me. I read your bio and saw that your mom recently passed. My mom passed in September of 2018. The life circumstances you are facing and have faced have only made already existing conditions even worse. I can relate to that. I also know what it’s like not to be productive and feel like a burden on your spouse. Try to be kind to yourself and not too hard on yourself because you are grieving tremendous losses. I don’t have any answers or fixes for you but wanted to reach out and let you know you are not alone. I hope that things start looking up financially for you and your family. I try to remind myself that the circumstances and my feelings about them are only temporary. It reminds me of a meme that became my mantra to help get me through dental hygiene school, which had been the hardest thing i had ever gone through until my mom died. The meme says “This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” I’m sorry if I’m rambling and not saying anything helpful. Like I said I don’t have answers or fixes but you are not alone. My heart goes out to you and your family.