Caught between a rock and a hard place...

[Purple-Monkey]

When I found out i was pregnant, I experienced a lot of emotions but most were happy ones. It was unplanned but not much of a big deal since i was not so young & was in a 'meaningful relationship'. I told my 'boyfriend' over the phone, he was equally surprised but reassured me that he supports me 100%. I was very excited. When we finally met up in person to talk about the way forward, i was in for a surprise of a life time...

He got me very comfortable & spent almost an hour trying to convince me to have an abortion. Objectively speaking, his reasons were compelling..(but essentially those would be the kind of reasons that would deter one from having unprotected sex in the 1st place). His reasoning was that we should rather have a baby much later when we are ready to.

Anyways, i was very surprised because he had given me a different impression when we spoke about it earlier. So I started getting upset & suspecting..i told him to come clean because it just didn't add up that he was trying so hard to get me to abort. Eventually, he realised he was fighting a losing battle: he admitted that he was in another relationship & that the pregnancy would jeopardize it. My heart literally sank & tightened. I suddenly felt ill & cold. I didn't know who this person was. he told one lie after another..it was unbelievable.. the words he said that cannot be unsaid were "truth is the pregnancy should be with someone we both intend to spend the rest of our lives with..& this isn't the case here'

I had no choice but to be strong..Little did I l know how it was affecting me..my pregnancy was a bitter sweet experience.

He eventually came around: He's very supportive & involved in my baby's life. I have forgiven him but I can never forget because it was too painful. I forgave him previously for cheating on me. and now this? its been over a year since that experience but I feel the pain like it was just yesterday. Now he loves our baby i believe the same way i do. but it really kills me that he has to be in my life. My baby needs both his parents.. It takes so much from me emotionally though. There are days where i appreciate him for being there for my son..and other days (like today) where I feel his betrayal cut deeper than i thought...

I always hear stories of women who are put through similar situations if not worse. The question is how do you get over it? How do you not let it affect your inner peace... I feel depressed about it at times

[EmbraceMyweirdness]

Oh my God, first off i am so sorry, my mouth literally dropped reading this, I'm not a mother and i know mothers always put their children first and that's what you are doing which is great. Me after slapping him so hard he probably wouldn't remember his name for a few days lol, i would probably leave the country and never see this asshat no more

[hypercat54 in reply to EmbraceMyweirdness]

Yeah me too! x

[hypercat54]

What a rat! Can you ever trust him again after what he has put you through. Yes ideally a baby needs 2 parents, but much better one happy one than a home where there are tensions and one parent is unhappy. This will impact negatively on the child. x

[Esther228]

Hi there, what a strong woman you are! I am so proud of you for standing your ground and having this baby, even when you found out that he was feeling differently about it. You are so thoughtful about your baby’s needs and in realizing the importance of having both parent’s as part of the baby’s life.

I had to find forgiveness toward my ex-husband for his infidelity, too. Sometimes, I had to remind myself that I forgave him. By just saying it and not putting it into practice, it would come back into my thoughts. Do you think what you’re really feeling may be a ‘trust’ issue? I don’t know, by what you have written, if you are living together and trying to make it work out, or not. If you are, have you considered counseling so that you both could work together to overcome what has happened in your relationship?