Hey everyone I need some advice and different opinions.
Has anyone ever completely cut off their whole family because of toxicity? Including those who weren’t involved just because seeing any family is a trigger . How did you do it? how long did it take you? Any regrets? Did it help your mental health?
Yeah. After my dad died, I eventually walked out on the rest of my family. I never looked back either. They have all passed away now and I didn't miss any of them. Unfortunately, they had already damaged my psyche pretty badly. So, I know how you're feeling quite well, Hope....I wish better for you than I experienced....((((HUGS FOR YOU MY FRIEND)))) !!!
I think unfortunately it’ll be the same if my mum goes before I do. She’s the only one that I’m close to and the only reason I still bother
I’m sorry for your struggles
I must say I haven’t been there, but being around family at times can bring me anxiety. I guess it is do to the lack of seeing as communicating with them. I have been through so much to where I really had no chance in seeing them much. Even today. Since this has been most of my life I have become a loner. I don’t have any regrets over this because I had little options during it. My mental health has been affected by it but there is only little I can do but move forward. Forward on a path I feel yet alone. This has gone on most of my time.
I’m sorry 😔 I’m the same. .
Have you tried to meet new people
Yes, I did. I haven't talked to my sister in about 20 years and same with my brother, the perpetrator. I will never see him again. They have never seen my child. My parents I distanced from for the past ten years. I told my mother I will call her only. I only see her every few years and she is local.
It's hard not to have family and siblings when I here people talk about their plans with a sister especially. They are toxic to me and never really cared for me at all. I am better off with my husband's family and my child.
It helped mental health alot. I do regret that my child doesn't know her grandparents or her aunt and cousins. None of this was her fault. I feel guilty for that.
I’m sorry 😔
Yh I thought life would be great when I met my husband I thought finally I’ll have a family but unfortunately they are just as toxic. Can’t help but feel maybe it’s me that’s the problem...
You’re actually protecting your child so you shouldn’t regret but I understand xx
Thank you. I'm sorry about your I laws. My mother in law is my best friend. She had her son as a teen and he's younger than me so we aren't that far apart in age, which is cool and we are both nurses so we live the same life. That's how I met her son.
The problem is not you by any means.
Yes, unfortunately I have had to cut off family members. When you notice that you invest more time and energy into someone (family or friend) and they can’t be bothered to support you thru your hard times then it is only healthy for YOU to distance yourself.
How I did it was silently. Most of my family only contacts me for work, favors and money. Once I quit offering my services calls quit coming my way.
What you can say to them is simply this, that you need time to work things out mentally and you cannot do that with outside interferences.
Good luck with your family🌹
Im sorry Lulu 😔
Thanks for sharing your story. All these stories are really helping me figure things out
I have had toxic family members and was tempted to cut them out out of my life many times. My mother was the worst. Instead of this though I learnt instead to deal with them and not let them affect me emotionally or play mind games. I feel I grew as a person because of this in a way I wouldn't if I had cut them off. Each to their own though. x
That was really strong of you to live like that. That’s what I’ve been trying to to until now . It’s just getting too much for me. Hopefully I’ll get stronger and be able to just block the games out .
Well I also limited my time with them and always had an exit line if needed! I rarely asked any of them for anything. I was also very aware of topics to be avoided, so managed to steer clear of them. I let them know very little of my life so they didn't have much to attack me on. It is exhausting and tricky though. x
I have an aunt from my father's side who's a trigger for me but that's because she's a reminder of him, i cut off all my friends, change my number, got off social media cause everyone made me anxious i don't know why besides faking that im fine with the world is what build up to me having a mental breakdown.
I’m sorry for your struggles Danielle. I’m the same . The amount of ‘friends’ that I’ve cut off is ridiculous. But I only saw/heard from them when they were bored or in need anyway so 🤷🏻♀️
If that's how they were you're better off without them, i had great friends but i had to be selfish for my sake, don't feel bad for cutting people off, your wellbeing should come first, if they're toxic girl get the scissor 😂✂
members of my family are toxic some members I still have to face because they come to visit my aunt with dementia she lives with my niece and we share the carers role.have to bare it for now and its hard but as soon as we can me and my sister will be completely finished with all of them.my brother is more toxic than a bomb hes living far in the clouds due to alcohol.all of this completely has an effect on me but after its over with I might get my life back.i regret not being close to my brother or even brothers but what can you do,
Im sorry Kenster . I applaud you for sharing care for your aunt thats so kind.
Yeah I understand 😔 for my it’s my dad, my siblings, siblings spouses, aunts, uncles . The only person that I have a good relationship with is my mother.
its hard going family do have squabbles but when its serious someone should intervene if possible to broker peace.before I got on with my dad all I had was my mum as well.me and my dad fought like cat and dog for years and we lived together making it harder.really hope it comes to a positive end for all I managed to have 8 great years with my dad and we had some difficult times.
I totally get that Kenny. I stopped trying to broker peace though years ago as I didn't need the drama. My mother and I had a better relationship when she was in her 80's as she got very frail and I learned quite a lot about myself which was positive. For exaample I heard through all my childhood and adulthood how much I was like my father. This was a deliberate insult as she hated him. She would accuse me of doing things in the same way (her perceptions of him) ie emotionally detached, sly, secretive, and lying etc. About a year before she died she suddenly out of the blue said to me 'You are nothing like your father are you'? She seemed surprised. I said 'Hallujah mum it's only taken you 50 years to realise that!' She also realised that I knew her much better than other family members too.
I think the difference was coz I left home at 18 to live in London and spent the next 23 years there. I only saw the family twice a year for 3/4 days at a time. When I returned to live back in the area I was an adult and had learned to defend myself through some very hard lessons in London and grew up. They absolutely couldn't mess with my head any more and when they realised that I got a lot more respect from all of them. x
we felt like the black sheep family they didn't want to know just because they all had a better standard of living that's been proved beyond doubt about the circumstances we currently face but when it comes to a head me and my sister will be standing tall regardless of wealth.sorry you had issues like that as well probably only the dog that's never let me down and my sister.
Wow I would have loved to be the black sheep of my family! No seriously. I would have been proud of it. it would be much better than being the scapegoat wouldn't it! My mother used to change her favourite daughter on a regular basis and I hated it when it was my turn to be the most loved one. I always thought she would expect too much of me then and it made me very uneasy - alarm bells ringing etc.
I remember back in the late 60's when we were all on holiday and I saw my first hippies. I was 13 and stared at them in fascination, the flares, long hair, cowbells etc. I asked my mother in awe who they were. She took one look, turned her nose up and said with disgust they were hippies. From that moment on I had a burning desire to be a hippie so started dressing in jeans, and weird 60/70's clothes which she hated. Ha ha. I was a rebel without a cause 
x
Hey, k1. In my family only my dad & my grandma ever cared about me. My grandma died when I was in my early 20's & my dad died in 1992 a month before my birthday. I had a mom and 2 brothers who were so toxic that a container built to hold poison wouldn't have held them! Eventually I walked away completely. I had the last laugh as they're all deceased now and I'm still here. I am also finally happy since I met Sue. I haven't had to deal with her rather large family yet and sometimes that worries me. I probably am not up to it physically or mentally as much as I would have been before I got sick....Hope your life gets better, my friend. (Yours too H54 !)
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Cut skin of finger tip 
I'm trying not to cut myself...
(almost) Completely Alone in the World
